I've been doodling, practicing, and sketching up all kinds of studies of foxes for a while now. My time is so screwy, because my kid keeps having off the wall medical problems EVERY DAMNED WEEK. Today, she got worms! Yesterday she had severe nosebleeds that grossed out the teachers, and they made her go home after the 4th or 5th gush. But, we fixed that up with VITAMIN C + antioxidants like I SAID, really fast, only to find out she got parasites, all that PLUS she her shipment of blood meds arriving the day before that, and a hospital visit the previous days before that... This is NOT the way I EVER planned to live, DID NOT expect, nor EVER intend to live, and yet it keeps ongoing... I just want to get my film done for UMASS which is supposed to be screened on the 20th, plus I have to take her to a doctor tomorrow, fit work in somehow, and THEN go to an event at night... If I COULD edit videos at home, I WOULD. But, my 2009 comp + video cards, plus 4 year old Apple laptop can;t edit HD videos in Davinci Resolve, and i don;t have Adobe CS. Honestly, if she doesn;t stop having these medical problems by next semester i WILL drop out. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. I'm PAST MY LIMIT. This is EVERY FRICKIN WEEK MORE THAN ONE THING. Either her, or me, or SOMETHING else. Also, my credit card numbers got robbed this week as well.
So, since I can't edit videos at home, and can ONLY do it at school, and I was just SO tapped out today I couldn't go, I can;t work on my film until HOPEFULLY MONDAY. I say HOPEFULLY because the last 2 Mondays I COULD NOT MAKE IT TO SCHOOL.... because she's dying of whatever else... shock- horror- drama- I'm FED UP! Ergo, when I go through periods where I'm at home, stuck here, and can;t do ANYTHING, because those happen too... and I HATE feeling, or being unproductive after a certain point.... yeah, most of today I sat and watched YouTube & Snapchat... ERGO: I'm working on designing the wild fox character for the storyboards I HOPE to do after I'm done with my film...
Mostly I'm just practicing from various references, trying to come up with my own original design... I've been trying to sketch actual photos of foxes on Google, which too many are fluffy winter foxes. My scene is SUMMERY so I need a SUMMER COAT FOX which is slender.
When I reference other artists, animators, and cartoonists, they all tend to draw foxes with stubby legs, weasel-like, too dog-like, too cat-like, or some look doofy. Altho' I loved some really good designs out there, they just weren't true to what fox actually looked like. Foxes actually have long, slender, spindly legs. many artists also try to portray the fox with their heads and necks down, but real foxes have upright heads UNLIKE a weasel, and their necks jut either strait up, or with a slight angle. But, ALWAYS upright.
Some really nice designs I found when trying to see how other artists interpreted a fox for animation was a nice one on a blog by Toni REYNA. And, a FAVORITE of mine was by TheUrbanFOX on DeviantART. But, like I said, i need to come up with my OWN design.
So, I'm still trying to go with the whole Preston Blair formula style with geometric shapes, stylized, yet still semi-realistic, yet simplified.
So far, most of the sketches I've done have been more of a practice sketching and doodling to try and get to know and understand what a fox is, how it looks, but also what makes it look cool as a cartoon. Real foxes also have a very strong personality, and every move and gesture is so full of its unique personalities, and foxes have this intense prettiness to them. I also haven;t quite nailed down the scale of their ears yet.
Here's a progression of what I've been practicing so far:
A photo posted by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
Well, that's it for the moment... I'm guessing that whenever I feel the urge, I'll probably be sketching more with this... I'm so annoyed that I cannot work on my film. When i went to AIPH I could work nonstop whenever I felt like it. But, going to UMASS Boston isn't anything like that, plus I have all these other responsibilities, and pressures.
I started classes at UMASS, but it was HELL. I had a number of medical issues which hampered everything, until I had to drop out of nearly everything. But, I kept the video class and my Work Study job.
Then, to make matters more absurd, my daughter had a life threatening condition and had to get a double blood transfusion, so we spent the entire weekend and most of Monday at The Tufts Floating Hospital in Boston.
I almost took her to the emergency room on Friday night, and she was slowly bleeding out to oblivion.... So, in order to cope with the entire nerve wracking situation despite the nerve wracking month of anxiety, insomnia, and severe depression I grabbed my sketchbook.
And this Mori sketch decided to sketch its self out onto my paper... it changed a number of times before it became this. I tried to keep it simple... I actually lost a lot of interest in it about halfway through, but Instagram seemed to like it somewhat.
But, Id already been on a SciFi futuristic kick the past few weeks, and as I was almost halfway doen with this sketch, I was already yearning for futuristic SciFi n Cyber Punk stuff, which was strange because I had been REALLY feeling this when I'd started it.
I could easily see this as an "Eyewitness" short from my other series revolving around mostly Lively. I could probably go several different directions with this, but especially if I had the right song or music.
However, I'm not so sure it;s really "fresh" or new, and probably is too similar to other things... I'm guessing... afew things come to mind...
if I were to get "Eyewitness" off the ground the way I want it to be, and perhaps is a fan-base liked this concept enough, I might actually create this as something...
I was a very creative kid, and day dreamed often as a little child... but, I was much better at managing it, or multitasking while dreaming as a teenager....
I've worked several jobs in my lifetime, and have even been multiple times over entrepreneur since at least 1999 before I even knew what that word even meant.
But, when I started developing the dragon story concepts in college in 1999 I was already dreaming up things to do with Lively in the story... I actually have different stories which are not related, and in 2 of the stories I depict Lively as having a job. The job is very much based on a job I had in the 1990s in New Jersey working a the AMC Marlton 8. I was originally a concessionist, but I was also an usher. I refused to work the box office tho' due to health concerns.
Honestly, even tho' the work was often times hard, and could be demanding, and the pay was awful, I actually liked that job a lot. Not every day was perfect, but I felt so lucky and grateful to have that job. I stopped watching the X-FILES because of that job because I felt it was the responsible thing to do, and I also had college classes on the weekend in the mornings in Philly on Scholarship, plus had to graduate from high school... add onto that the Titanic! Yeesh!
I didn't have a lot of confidence for most things, altho' I think its normal to bluff about it when ur insecure. But, I actually pushed my way into keep getting the gig as the usher. I felt it was the position I actually wanted, and I hated doing concession even tho' I had the best sales record. The trick to up-sales was JUST FOLLOW THE RULES. DUH. But, being usher meant u had some of the most disgusting jobs, like cleaning up vomit, restrooms, bubble gum, and also dealing with hostile patrons.
Ushers seemed to be the "cool people" I guess, but so were the box office people whom often begged me to work with them since they were also often ushers, and with me.... also, the ushers were all young men, and really attractive, and funny. We were also very buddy-buddy with the security guards, and the Projectionists. Some projectionists worked either usher or box office, and when times were overwhelming, ushers had to take up slack for concession.
I must also admit to some egoism here... because, when I first started out there, I was like NOBODY even tho' I already knew some ushers, personally, especially since one was technically my ex... but, not that I was trying to.... but I did flirt with some ushers... however, they started it. You weren't really supposed to flirt with your co-workers... but, even subtle ways you could... I took a liking to 1, then others took a liking to me, probably because I took a liking to 1... then, one in particular really took a liking to me, probably to strongly, and too abruptly, and because of that, or him, I became included into everything, which also put A LOT of responsibilities on my shoulders.
Let's face it, the guy was an alpha male, at least within that circle anyway, and it was due to him that I began doing usher jobs... and, as to that part about the egoism... well..... underneath the supervisors and the managers, ushers kinda ruled... We carried a porter & broom, or a big friggin' flash light, or had access to industrial leaf blowers (Titanic crowd was the worst trash making bunch) . And, if anybody made trouble, we sauntered on over to them and gave them "the voice" or "the tone": "Excuse me, is there a problem here?"
Usually, that stopped everything... but, by holiday times you'd get people drunk or high, and stuff could turn into brawls, or nearly into Mortal Kombat, then security came, or cops got called.... Luckily that never happened... but, in a way, I guess I was somewhat on a power trip.... but, I wasn't abusive about it, at all, ever.
We also got to watch free movies. There were rules about it, but rules could be bent or broken on a whim... especially if the projectionist has a crush on you and begs you to "come help me with this".
It's probably the only job I actually liked, or enjoyed, even tho' I often had soreness in my feet.
The people would actually hang out, off the clock, and socialize, and it was very close and friendly. But, it was also a different world, and different era... So, I do, still, have a fondness for that part of my life even if things don't turn out so well in the end.... It is so very strange that some memories are so vague and I can't remember anything for parts of my life that one would think would be memorable... and, yet, I have SO many memories of that job, in such clarity and details, like it was yesterday. How very strange indeed!
The story I wrote "Lively's Mini Unicorn" is actually a cartoonish version of how I wrote/conceived of the story in the dragon project story...
So, anyways, Lively's working uniform is somewhat loosely based on the one I used to wear.
Actually, a friend of mine, from that old job actually did the voice to a character that Djehkäujaa was in from college.
His name was Bob. Actually it was Babak because he was originally from Iran, and "Bob" was the NJ nickname. I actually never knew he was Iranian for almost a year because he seemed like a really funny white NJ kid. I also didn't know I was older than him either until he showed me his green card. Such a funny guy! he used to tease me with the funniest jokes, and I would crack up with laughter!
Back then, in NJ, everything was VERY DIVERSE and a whole blend of all kinds of peoples.
I wrote the character based on him, because of a character design class at AIPH. My teacher, Sam, encouraged us to make characters based on real persons we knew. Bob liked Spider Man, American comics, and a lot of things I also liked, and he was just SO FRIGGIN' FUNNY that I had to make the character of him the way he is in the cartoon.
Unfortunately, some idiots on DeviantART thought I made a Skinhead character! WTF??? And, if got flagged and removed! Jerks!
I have since then, thought of making the character a black dude. That might actually make him cooler. I dunno....
I don't know what the heck happened to Bob, because we were always so cool as friends. He was even my first ever Facebook friend. He was always trying to be an entrepreneur since I knew the guy. But, out of the blue, he changed his name on FB to some nonsense random letters name, then deleted his account. I ran into him several times in NJ, and even got high w/him n some mutual friends via a relative of mine.
It was strange when he just up & disappeared off the face of the planet, because he even came up to Boston for a job interview and we were gonna hang out, but he got so high and wasted that he didn't show up... that was so unusual for him.... and, the last few times we talked on the phone, he was high as a kite, or drunk out of his mind...
I had a number of relationships from NJ around that time that also just seemed to bust like balloon... I've never understood why... I guess NJ people just did too much recreational drugs....
I often felt completely bewildered and confused, and didn't know how, nor why, it would just bottom out... and, there was nothing I could do about it.
If you've ever experienced the "Why me?" aspect of life, it often went that way... Honestly, I feel distrustful of NJ people now... :( It really hurts.
My taste in men has changed since I was a teenager. When I was growing up, I was like most Caucasian American girls in that I was pretty much into the "All American" guy look, or personality... I was a bit confused at times, like in middle school I'd had some attractions to some ethnic guys that I was confused about, but hormones are confusing in your early adolescent years anyway.
I recall being interested originally in what felt familiar to me, meaning Caucasian guys.. you know, the soccer player, the football player, the basket ball player, but then suddenly there would be this really funny comedian guy, or the very smart guy... decisions, decisions... What do I want? What do I like? I think for most girls, they model what they want after some aspect of their fathers, whether they realize it or not... but, culture is also a factor...
I was very interested in my heritage, and when I'd seen the film "Dances With Wolves" about the Lakota Nation, it exposed me to concepts similar to my own heritage as a Native American descendant. Altho', I am an Apache Nation descendent of The Mescalero (or as my Grandfather & his sisters called it "Maskalera"). I recall watching the film over & over with my mother, whom was a VERY big fan of Kevin Costner, she would openly comment about how handsome the long haired, mostly naked, Indian Men actors were. What a concept! I'd never thought about it much until she said something, but then I thought, maybe she's right.
My mother was crazy about my father, but, he was crazy about gardening and hobbies. My mother was a MILF, and no matter who tried to get her attention or flirt with her, she would still always want to be with my father. But, I DID notice that when dark Italian men would flirt with my mother, such as local Pizzeria business owners in tight jeans, with big muscles, and somewhat long hair would flirt with her, she would actually flirt back, especially Sicilians.
For me, I noticed that if what you felt was more attractive to the eyes, if looks mattered, I noticed that guys with dark hair felt more attractive to me. The darker the hair, the more attracted I felt. It's a VERY real feeling, a very REAL attraction, almost magnetic, and the emotion was often times VERY enhanced. Not only that, but when you are interacting with a man in a consensual, intimate manner, just the very sight of his dark hair (especially black) very MUCH enhanced the emotional high (or ecstasy) of the experience and the gratification. Even more so if his skin had some color to it, like a tan, or whatever. Is it something genetic? I don't know.
But, the saying "Tall dark, and handsome" feels WAY better than pasty & pale...
It seems very superficial... don't you think? Looks and all that... but, I suppose our genes are programmed to function a certain way at different periods in our lives. It's this way among animals as well that seek out sexual mates based on looks, or traits, or whatever...
By the time I was in High School, many of the girls I knew (in southern NJ from all over the county since I went to BCIT) were attracted to Puertorican guys. They could have any number of ethnic looks, to very pale skinned, to very dark skinned, or even mixed with African heritage. Usually, most of those guys had dark black curly hair. I was UTTERLY mad over this thick curly, shiny, gorgeous hair. Their eyes, their smiles, their casual ways... and, so were most girls... but, for whatever reason, they were uninterested in me.
I was VERY into a Boy Band "No Mercy" which had 3 super hot young guys. They mostly did cover songs of other dance music tracks, with Spanish Guitar, and dance beats. They are most known for "Where Do You Go?" cover song originally by "La Bouche".
I was also, BIG TIME, into reading Marvel Comic's "X-MEN". Anything, and EVERYTHING!
My favorite character of ALL the X-MEN was a character Kurt Wagner alias "Nightcrawler".
He was this German National that looked like a DEMON, used to be a in circus act as a freak acrobat, could telleport, was bilingual, and despite his Gargoyle/Demon look and fuzzy indigo skin, he was a Christian and even was a Monastery monk at 1 point. The X-MEN themselves were very interesting characters on their own, but this one was my absolute favorite. He had the Dark curly hair, pointed ears, glowing eyes, a long prehensile tail, he could walk on walls like Spider Man. He was a TOTAL gentleman, Happy-go-lucky, friendly, the Welcoming person, the witty joke-maker. He cheered everyone up. He was well read, and he even was a swashbuckler. (So much like the stuff I like! I even took fencing.)
I even had a subscription to "Excalibur" (The British X-MEN team) which Kurt eventually became the leader of.
My favorite depictions of this character were by Alan Davis, whom is my ALL TIME favorite Comic Book "Penciler" Artist EVER! I learned SO MUCH by studying his style. He's SO GOOD!
(The photo I have here of Nightcrawler is ALSO by Alan Davis! ^_^ See how good his work is?)
So, as I was formulating what kinds of Romantic interests I might have
for Lively, it also would depend upon my own personal tastes, which I
could be sure about, but then find something else later on to make me
rethink what I actually liked, or actually wanted...
When I was younger, religion was a big influence on me. But, I would also gravitate to guys which were more intellectual, had some diversity to them, and especially was attracted more & more to foreigners.
Mostly, is started as European men. I'd had just so many very frustrating, disappointing, and hurtful experiences with American White men, that I was very fed-up with them. I was preferring a more Romantic & thoughtful European kind of guy. But, My relationship with my ex in Germany was a long distance one, and after a while, as I went to college, I'd felt his version of religion wasn't working out for me. By 2000/2001, I no longer had an interest in any organized religion, and had been switching to a more "New Age" faith, even tho' I still liked Jesus, or things he'd allegedly taught about Altruism, or Agape. And, like Jesus whom was friends with Marcus The Roman Pagan, I also was friends with numerous Pagans. Remember, Christianity is SUPPOSED to be about Love & Tolerance...
But, in my ex's Lutheran Protestant cult, which was founded dating way back to Martin Luther himself, they STILL made women cover their heads like nuns or Muslims, and dress a certain way like skirts or dresses only, in "assembly". They had rules about what you could, or couldn't watch, and banned TVs, techno, secular films, etc. My ex was 85% deaf, and had hearing aids. Among the deaf community in Germany EVERYONE listens to TECHNO because it's THE ONLY THING THEY CAN ACTUALLY HEAR.
Talk about utter Intolerance! What's with all the rules?
yet, everyone else in Germany was partying with "Free Love", and immodesty, nudism, body pride health, liberal sexuality, etc... "Love Parade", and it was very open, friendly, and loving...
But, there's a whole other chunk of the story I didn't mention yet.
Sex...
Christian religions have too many idiosyncrasies about sex, interpretations, and re-interpretations. Old & New Testament clash with 1 another...
As a teenaged girl, I was often confused about sex. There was stuff in the religion, but then, people would say 1 thing, and do another anyway... or say it in church, and not follow it in real life.... then, there was school, which was very liberal or moderate, and the ideas about sexuality weren't demonized at all... then, there was pop culture which was massively sexualized. There was AIDS, there was a mass campaign in the media to WEAR CONDOMS. There were my peers becoming sexually active at ages 12/13, and talking about how great it was.
I was very scared about sex. I mean, at age 12 & 13, I just wanted to still play with my Barbies, go roller skating, watch Batman cartoons, and have ice cream sundaes. I didn't want to have a boy touch me, or take off my clothes...
When I was in high school, I was 1 of the only virgin girls I knew for a long time. I didn't even start until I was 16, and I was massively disappointed. There I was, day in & day out hearing all of my peers discussing all this great stuff about sex, and yet my own experience was so horrible.
And, my boyfriend in my sophomore year didn't want me. He wanted 1 of my best friends. He also had no sexual interest in me. This happened 3 times in a row. Meanwhile sooooooooo many guys that were interested in me I'd felt no interest in them. I just didn't have any feelings at all...
So, I was even more frightened of sex.... I tried again once with another friend, and another... and, I didn't understand what the problem was. I remember crying in September 1997 after trying with a guy that I had worked briefly with me... There was nothing pleasurable about the experience. And, I couldn't have an orgasm...
I thought there was something wrong with me...
I couldn't understand it, because my body, my hormones, my urges, were all still there... but, intercourse its self was just horrible. I thought my body didn't work, or something was wrong with me.
So, when it came to sexual interaction, I mainly just stayed away from intercourse, and was more interested in petting, hand/finger play, touching, etc. I found that if I was open & upfront about this to a guy that mutually wanted to hook-up with me, that he was totally fine with that, and the experience could be very enjoyable, physically and pleasurably...
During that whole sort of self exploration of getting to know just what exactly I wanted, there was a pattern that came and went whether I'd noticed it or not...
Since I was a kid, I liked to watch action movies about Martial Arts, Kung Fu, and so on... My dad did, my brothers did. We used to watch movies by Belgian action star Jean-Claude Van Damme. We also watched any and every B movie out at the time with Martial Arts. Then, 1 day, my father's friend came to visit him while we were watching Van Damme and he laughed at us. We'd though Van Damme was such a great hero on screen, but this guy just laughed & laughed and talked about how much he stunk.
What???
He told us: No! No! No! If you want to see a real action star, and REAL Martial Artist Master you should go to the video rental store and find movies by Bruce Lee.
Who? What? Huh???
Then, over, and over: Bruce Lee! Bruce Lee this, and Bruce Lee that...
It didn't mean anything to me... I'd seen so many martil arts movies, I thought they were all good. But, what did I know?
Then, one day, my brother found out there was a video rental place that had movies staring Bruce Lee.
So, he got Mom to rent some, and took them home for us to watch.....
OH MY GOD!!!!!
I couldn't believe my eyes!
After that it was Van WHO???
How could anyone stand to watch Van Damme after Bruce Lee?
But, I was really young when that happened. I didn't look at men as sexual objects back then...
Then, when I was in middle school, there was a movie about Bruce Lee called "Dragon; The Bruce Lee Story" staring Jason Scott Lee. It was a movie I'd been looking forward to watching very much. We got it on pay per view, and I watched it over and over.
The 2nd week after I'd gotten it, I was on the bus and the girls were talking about when men (movie stars or pop stars) were the hottest. And, they went through the list... all White men, like 90210 stuff... And, a popular girl, named Amanda blurted out Jason Scott Lee which shocked everyone. Then she went on & on about his body in THAT movie, and how naked he was, and then oddly enough the other girls agreed. It sticks out in my mind so strongly... What a concept!
I remember thinking to myself that I agreed. It was TOTALLY true. The man was incredibly hot! So, when I went home and watched the film again, I was looking at it from a different perspective. The film a had a strong inter racial theme to it anyway... but, the idea that I'd ALSO found this man to be an attractive looking man was something very new to me, and I wasn't the only girl to agree with this idea either.
From the time I was about 15 or 16 there were some Asian guys that had an interest in me. Why me, I don't know... but, at that time, I mostly ignored it, or was oblivious to it... I'd generally had no interest in Asian guys at the time... other than very attractive, muscular, glamorous, nearly naked Asian men on the TV screen. Like Russel Wong in Vanishing Son.
I'd dated a Korean guy when I was 17, but he was sort of crazy in the head, and it didn't go well. And, I didn't know if I wanted to date Asian guys, or not.
But, by the time I began working at a movie theater in the summer on 1997 just before I'd turned 18, I took a look around and took notice of my VERY attractive Asian male coworkers. They didn't behave like the stereotypes either. Very funny, easy-going, sometimes cocky, but even talked about deep thinking, current events, music, culture and more.... You're supposed to "be professional" on the job, but it was so good to work with such fun & friendly people anyway. Every day was great because you can be among such sexy guys, and never feel nervous to talk to them... That job was full of a diverse group of persons. And, I loved them all...
I was on the fence. You're not supposed to do anything with your coworkers, really, even tho' there were 2 couples that worked there, and several persons dated each other. I was against it. I'd also had a boyfriend in Germany. My whole reason to work there was to raise the money to go to Germany....
But, temptations still happen...
I couldn't decide what I wanted, if I wanted it or not, or if I should just stick to my principle...
But, when a man wants something, he will come at it in full force, over & over, persistently... And, man, did he ever!
He was crazy, you know... mental... not right in the head at times... then, add on hormones... volatile, unpredictable...
I could resist, resist, resist... and then, suddenly, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???
Stupid! Brash! Jerk!
And, then, somehow, I'm in his arms again!
Or...
In the dark!
Vulnerable...
All alone!
I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!
But, then... my dreams betray me...
My thoughts betray me....
And, when he clutches me, my own body betrays me...
Everyone loved him too. At work he had everyone believe he was an easy-go-lucky person, an Alpha Male, and the most popular person there. Everyone wanted to BE HIM, be LIKE him, and be around him... and, I couldn't help it either...
I was utterly INSANE about him, but utterly in denial over it...
And, yet, when he was alone with me, he was someone else in at least 2 variations of extremes... the very intense predator, to the very meek & timid wounded being... and, he could switch from one to the other at any moment... There was just something about his eyes, the way he looked at me... not anyone else... and his smile.
But, his approach to me was all wrong...
I wasn't the only one either...
-and, I feel utterly used, deceived, and womanized.
Then, one day he just up & left...
He'd gone out of his way to make everyone think he's cared about them, missed, them, etc... only years later to tell me what he really actually thought of them all, point blank....
Before he left, he even cried to me, and told me he loved me...
How the heck did I ever fall for that?
How did I actually ever think this person was my friend? Or that he'd cared about me, or anyone else?
I wasn't a friend to him, in his mind... not someone he'd actually loved, or cared about... I wasn't even a human being to him, let alone even a person....
I was just a thing to him...
His idea of being respectful to me is not talking about it... covering it up, etc... But, I think a real motive for not telling about it is because it implicates him, and guilt...
Ironically, this guy used to beg me to have sex with him, and pressure, and so on... but, whenever I'd either consent to it, or actually want to, he would change his mind. Then, he said he just wanted to hold me, so I lay they with him in my arms while he was shaking. The whole thing was ridiculous.
Why he could NEVER keep plans with me, but make plans and hang out with others, ALWAYS stood me up, and NEVER kept a promise to me, yet be good to everyone else is beyond me. But, whenever he on the spot wanted attention from me, he'd pressure me until I gave in, filled up my in-box with letters either pestering me, or just being foolish. And the ONLY 2 times he's actually showed up on a plan with me, was BECAUSE I NAGGED HIM.
Yet, with him was many, many firsts for me... none of which were an orgasm...
The first time I was alone with him, after he'd annoyed me to death, I finally asked him to. But, he was utterly afraid, and scared out of his mind once I was finally alone with him. So, I didn't know what to do other than massage his shoulders, which was what he'd said he wanted, and agreed to. But, after a long time alone with him like that, he went through the very first time I would notice him "switching" and he became this other man. He turned around and looked at me, in my eyes, then he said "Come here." But, I did nothing. Then, he abruptly grabbed me, and kissed me. I was really scared. And, after he kissed me, he began tearing my clothes off. This sort of became his signature, in how he could remove clothing very quickly in just a few really violent tugs, pushing & pulling me very roughly. And, then, he would ask me several questions, like whether I liked it, or him, and so on, constantly asserting a power dynamic, which was utterly terrifying. And, yet, somehow, he could work me up into not only liking him, but enjoying him.
At one point, he asked me "Did you come?" which I didn't understand. I had only ever heard this word used for men before. I was either too young, or too inexperienced. But, he kept asking me. I didn't know what to say because he seemed to value whatever it meant, so I said "yes". But, I can tell you the truth was actually "no" because I am old enough NOW to understand what it means.
When I was in college, age 19, I started to date a Vietnamese playboy bodybuilder in Graphic Arts at my school. (He was also a martial artist, flower gardener, and a sushi chef) And, that was my very first orgasm. Several actually. "The Big O."
I would go with him each night for about 2 months, and go at it for hours, several times in a row until about 4-5AM, go to sleep then wake up a few hours later, shower, and go to classes, then go meet him again for dinner and do it all over again. Where I got all the energy to do that is beyond me...But, it's totally true. TOTALLY.
Then, I dated more frequently on a casual manner. I dated several types of ethnic or foreign men. This 1 guy was hell-bent on marrying me, which I gave-in to marry eventually which was the WORST decision EVER. He turned into someone else once I married him, and he left n went to Oklahoma, and used me to get his parents to come here from China. He was mentally ill, so i can pardon him for having a medical issue... but, he abused me terribly, and also would try to use religion there as well, but went around fucking whomever he wanted in less than a full week. But, what can I say? A person of sound mind & body, let alone self respect, wouldn't behave that way, right?
When I married that guy, it was like every man in the world was trying to get me to hook-up with them. I even had a wedding ring, and told them; "I'm married.' to which they're reply: 'He doesn't have to know." which would piss me off! The wedding ring used to burn my skin also...
But, once I divorced him, it was as tho' since this guy didn't want me, then no-one else did for about 3 months. Even my female friends barely spoke to me.....
But, then, I went into online dating, which back then, people thought was "scarey" or unsafe, and NOW EVERYONE DOES IT!!!!! Go fig'! I used mostly "Yahoo! Dating" personals, or "Asian Friend Finder". I made sure never to date a religious man EVER AGAIN, because it was always a lie, or he had some kind of issue and wanted to USE his scripture to control me, but never abide by it for himself...
So, I went wild dating. I would have up to 2 different dates per day depending on whether I had classes, or it was a weekend. I went to casinos, night clubs, dance Clubs, and men would drive, fly, or take a train to see me from all up & down the east Coast, or even people visiting from over seas to the local universities. I liked Asian men best, especially Chinese, and especially if they were educated and born over seas that were either attending university or had an established career. back then, not many women were interested in Asian men, so I had the pick of the litter. I even made videos on YouTube about it in my 20s. Now, if I go back to Philly it's very common to see interracial dating of Asian men with non-Asian women.
By the time I was booking so many dates to my heart's content I couldn't give a shit whether this or that guy NOW wanted me.... it was too late, and I blew them all off. Good-bye!
If a man REALLY wants you he'll give it a really good persistent try. If not, then don't bother with him.
So, if you're wondering what I like? Well, I definitely LIKE MEN.
I like men that can behave themselves, have self control, have AT LEAST my level of IQ, OR HIGHER, otherwise I find I just can't respect him if all he cares about is JUST Football or sports. I like men that have an actual understanding of ethics & philosophy, and Not some made-up blanket version of a concept that somehow 'virtue' only means what does or doesn't happen between a woman's legs, and WHO does it to her. Because I ACTUALLY know what a "virtue" is, as well as it's antithesis being a "vice".
At the same time, I ALSO don't like men that are rigid, strict, inflexible, arrogant, or stuck on themselves. I like genuine, tried & true persons, but can keep secrets. I like a balance of playfulness, witty, sense of humor, but NOT obnoxious, a sense of humbleness, but not a coward. I especially like activists, and civil disobedients, men that are clever, kind, and have the right balance of gentleness & strength especially inside of their minds. I don't like men that are aloof, doofy, smokers, reckless, drug dealers, addicts, thieves, or frauds. I like intellectuals, deep thinkers, creative & artistic, as well as musical including DJs, or tech savvy folks, including programmers so long as they're not douchey pricks.
So, anyways... I haven't entirely decided on a perfect guy for Lively yet... I don't want her with some jerk that uses her, nor one that neglects her.
And, "Manga" is just the word for "comic book" or even a "graphic novel"...
But, "Anime" evokes a certain image in your mind. It's Japanese, but all over Asia, people do styles of cartoon art that has a certain look or feel to it. But, there's no 1 specific look necessarily.
I think most people, if you asked them, they would say "Japanimation!" Ha!
As I said, I used to HATE it in the 90s. I liked it in the 80s tho... I loved dorky shows like: Voltron, Tranzon Z, Unico... but, then when I learned about Disney, I got real snobby... it's true... Sorry...
I also, REALLY HATE English dubs! I prefer to watch ALL films in their original languages, with subtitles.
Another thing to point out about Japanese versions of cartoon & comics is that they often just break rules. You can see some parts in high quality, fully done art, super detailed, very hard work. Then, turn the page of a manga and find lots of unfinished, or roughly drawn slacker drawings... sometimes, it's even done on purpose, not necessarily because they're lazy. The animated work can go through the same things.
It reminds me of much of the movie content from Hong Kong as well. All just smashed together, high quality this, then crappy sketch skits for 10 min in the comedies... or odd anticlimactic skits in British comedy, like Monty Python or Benny Hill.
But, like I said, that all changed when I watched "Macross Plus".
The characters didn't ALL have the same face, or bodytype, and even changed their clothes. The character designs were beautiful, and the stories were very good. There was quality, innovation, morals, and more.
Other notable anime favorites of mine are:
"Macross Frontier", the series & the movies.
Neon Genesis Evangelion
(all of them! The series, the mangas, the films. Brilliant stuff!)
"Mononoke Hime" (Monster Princess, or Princess Mononoke)
Which is a very bloody yet Disney-like anime film, of very high quality shot on a 2s frame-rate (yes I'm speaking Animator). Which makes me VERY happy.
And most especially a film often called
"Spirited Away" (Also shot on 2s)
These animes have a wide variety of parts that cause the viewer to undergo the emotions of the characters, which range all over the place, from the very sentimental, to very disgusting, misfortune & frustration, and observe the characters try to maintain their inner goodness, whiles others are brats, or megalomaniacs.
They also deal with themes such as battered women, abuse, neglect, altruism, innocence, persons with mental illness or are emotionally damaged or traumatized. Also, these particular favorites of mine have very good endings.
When it comes to most Asian films, movies, and TV shows, I find they often lack the ability to have a good ending, most notably with the way they do endings for tragedies, unlike Hollywood which has it down to an art & science, and has several variations spanning several decades.
As for experimenting with styles of anime, myself, I sometimes did it with Lively, but other times I used a Humanoid version of my "Black UniGryphon" (Vallour Nikee) Fursona as a Goddess (a whole other story), because that character is also a shape-shifter.
I've been doodling, practicing, and sketching up all kinds of studies of foxes for a while now. My time is so screwy, because my kid keeps having off the wall medical problems EVERY DAMNED WEEK. Today, she got worms! Yesterday she had severe nosebleeds that grossed out the teachers, and they made her go home after the 4th or 5th gush. But, we fixed that up with VITAMIN C + antioxidants like I SAID, really fast, only to find out she got parasites, all that PLUS she her shipment of blood meds arriving the day before that, and a hospital visit the previous days before that... This is NOT the way I EVER planned to live, DID NOT expect, nor EVER intend to live, and yet it keeps ongoing... 
