I reworked, re-painted, re-colored, and edited this in Adobe Photoshop CC 2018 & Adobe After Effects CC 2018 last week.
Some are longer Meditative loops, and it's basically my process as I was tweaking it:
Here's the original version I did several years ago:
I was suffering from very bad depression, AKA Heartbreak, and around 2009 was when I was going through some major changes within myself. That year I'd realized that many persons whom I'd believed were my friends, were not actually friends, but "friends", or fake friends. I'd also been going through some doubts about whatever my beliefs were, or what I'd thought they were. I'd already known that the government and political system was already flawed and broken, and you didn't need to watch X-FILES to know that... but, the new president at the time, whom I was very happy to have elected, had broken several of his promises, but talking about that made you persona non grata. It was also the aftermath of the Bail-Outs and the economic meltdown. I'd wanted to be at CAL-ARTS by that time, but was screwed by the economy. Since governments, relationships, society, and even history came into question, things like religion, spirituality, and theology also did.... things just weren't adding up.... accountability was an actual thing. And, I became very enamored with Philosophy, ethics, and epistemology.
I remembered sitting at out cart/kiosk in the mall, with my sketchbook, trying in vain to sketch something. ANYTHING! And, NOTHING came out. It was THE MOST depressing thing! To be an artist, and award winning one, and not being able to draw. I cried EVERY DAY and at night. And, the ache was in EVERYTHING. Sometimes, I didn't eat.
I had NOTHING to look forward to, and all ANYONE ever had to say about ANYTHING was: Your daughter -blah-blah-blah... that NEVER cheered me up. It's a VERY sexist assumption, and I don't know whether it's worse from women or from men... but, I got it on all sides. Then, out of nowhere, I gave up sketching, and just randomly doodled something only to have THIS show up on my paper.
I'd used this artwork for an album cover on 8Tracks.
If you would like to create your own experimental graphic with these, color it in Photoshop, or print out and hand-color whether for fun, practice, or educational purposes you MAY do that, but NOT FOR PROFIT. I did license the sketch versions to the Creative Commons so you could do that.
Last year, 2014, was an incredibly hectic year. I know I had a flow going here... but, I forgot it. But, I still have so much to say, express, and share. that's the point of art...
So, let's go!
Since my last posts were about men, and sex, and all that lovely art stuff.
I think I might share some artwork by an artist i like whom does some really nice "beefcake" Bishonin & Wuxia art.
This is a Chinese artist using that Nom De Plum: "Hei Se"
Altho' her artwork is often very flat, and she can;t draw dynamic figures, and tends to do more simple basic run-of the-mill poses, I do like her compositions, and color theory.
I really like men, even tho' dealing with men is frustrating, and often can be demeaning. Generally, it's not so much a man's looks that really matter to me, but some things turn me off entirely. I DO NOT LIKE beards or mustaches AT ALL, EVER! PERIOD. It turns me off. Cigarettes also turn me off. And, I HATE HATE HATE thick black nerd glasses, if you could choose a better more flattering pair, if you MUST wear them. And, men that don't brush their teeth.
Yet, I don't like shaved body hair. Keep your chest hair, and your pubic hair PLEASE. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND men that shave their legs, balls, armpits, and chest... but have an Osama Bin Laddin beard.
However... I do find sideburns to be actually attractive. I don't know why.
As far as the kinds of hair which attracts me, of course it's dark hair, but I also like curly, or long hair. But, it doesn't matter. I do not like shaved heads, like skinheads, but naturally bald doesn't bother me. It's just nature.
I am mostly attracted to highly intelligent men, especially if he is more intelligent than I am, especially if his IQ is higher than mine. If he can out think me, and he's right, I just feel an incredible gravity, in which case his looks matter for nothing to me so long as he has no Osama beard, or disgusting mustache.
Then, there are the cultivated, refined, men of self control... I also find this attractive. This can be more attractive if the man is older, like the classic Zhuge Liang.
This is probably the only exception to the beard thing. I think Chinese sages are attractive. But, I have also been to Taiji classes instructed by very cultivated elder statesmen which I found secretly so arousing... but, kept it to myself.
Then, there are the creative men, poets, musicians, DJs, programmers, artists, comedians. These are more robust, and expressive, by also have an emotional side that is more free, or liberated, and like the emotional sides of women, and have a respect for their mothers... at least, the mature ones do...
That also makes me think of Li Bai, but he verged too often on his naughty side at times, and overdid his drinking.... I like to drink, but adicts are things I must avoid.
I don't like homebodies, rigid or strict men, monotonous, boring, bland men so much... I don;t like anti-social people, nor people that have trouble having fun, being honest, or straightforward. I think it's always better to have a balance. I like a person whom can "be in touch with their inner child", but isn't a fool, that is overly immature... yet, at the same time, doesn't equate 'maturity" to being stoic, strict, and overly religious or self righteous in a negative way.
I like Heroic personalities, probably because I am like that, like the very informed activist or advocate, people whom speak up in the midst of injustice, and protest, or do something about issues that matter. I like respectful people, but also people whom have self respect, people whom do the right thing BECAUSE they feel & understand cognitively that it is so, and can explain why that is, and NOT because they think it makes them look good in front of others, nor because they are paid to behave like they do in a scripted manner.
I also prefer people whom do acts of kindnesss, or charity, because it;s who they are, and it's inside their hearts, not because they want to leverage it later, or expect, or demand, something later on in return.... because then, their motive is the wrong one.
I especially like philosophers, or contemplative, philosophical people, not so much a person whom can just sling rhetoric like a Sophist, or lawyer, just for sport. And, I like teachers, or masters of something that teach, whom are patient, thorough, and caring yet can also be firm like a true Alpha Male. And understand life in the gradient of all the shades of gray, not the binary dichotomy of only black & white.
But, I think I like men to be men, and not men to be a woman... if that makes sense....
I quite enjoy the Ancient Greek, and Italian Renaissance depictions of sculptures depicting the male human figure.
There are so many kinds of men, and I like so many.
And, "Manga" is just the word for "comic book" or even a "graphic novel"...
But, "Anime" evokes a certain image in your mind. It's Japanese, but all over Asia, people do styles of cartoon art that has a certain look or feel to it. But, there's no 1 specific look necessarily.
I think most people, if you asked them, they would say "Japanimation!" Ha!
As I said, I used to HATE it in the 90s. I liked it in the 80s tho... I loved dorky shows like: Voltron, Tranzon Z, Unico... but, then when I learned about Disney, I got real snobby... it's true... Sorry...
I also, REALLY HATE English dubs! I prefer to watch ALL films in their original languages, with subtitles.
Another thing to point out about Japanese versions of cartoon & comics is that they often just break rules. You can see some parts in high quality, fully done art, super detailed, very hard work. Then, turn the page of a manga and find lots of unfinished, or roughly drawn slacker drawings... sometimes, it's even done on purpose, not necessarily because they're lazy. The animated work can go through the same things.
It reminds me of much of the movie content from Hong Kong as well. All just smashed together, high quality this, then crappy sketch skits for 10 min in the comedies... or odd anticlimactic skits in British comedy, like Monty Python or Benny Hill.
But, like I said, that all changed when I watched "Macross Plus".
The characters didn't ALL have the same face, or bodytype, and even changed their clothes. The character designs were beautiful, and the stories were very good. There was quality, innovation, morals, and more.
Other notable anime favorites of mine are:
"Macross Frontier", the series & the movies.
Neon Genesis Evangelion
(all of them! The series, the mangas, the films. Brilliant stuff!)
"Mononoke Hime" (Monster Princess, or Princess Mononoke)
Which is a very bloody yet Disney-like anime film, of very high quality shot on a 2s frame-rate (yes I'm speaking Animator). Which makes me VERY happy.
And most especially a film often called
"Spirited Away" (Also shot on 2s)
These animes have a wide variety of parts that cause the viewer to undergo the emotions of the characters, which range all over the place, from the very sentimental, to very disgusting, misfortune & frustration, and observe the characters try to maintain their inner goodness, whiles others are brats, or megalomaniacs.
They also deal with themes such as battered women, abuse, neglect, altruism, innocence, persons with mental illness or are emotionally damaged or traumatized. Also, these particular favorites of mine have very good endings.
When it comes to most Asian films, movies, and TV shows, I find they often lack the ability to have a good ending, most notably with the way they do endings for tragedies, unlike Hollywood which has it down to an art & science, and has several variations spanning several decades.
As for experimenting with styles of anime, myself, I sometimes did it with Lively, but other times I used a Humanoid version of my "Black UniGryphon" (Vallour Nikee) Fursona as a Goddess (a whole other story), because that character is also a shape-shifter.
It's not uncommon for artists to have a tendency to gravitate towards the artwork of those that do similar things that you like. As for me, since Lively is my most used & utilizes, most drawn, and most written about character, whom I put so much of my creativity into, and did (or still do) the majority of my learning with creatively. So, it goes without saying that if someone does a character, or some artwork, that reminds me of her, I will most like LOVE it. Nothing unusual about that.
I noticed that when the very fist installment of the Lord of The Rings Trilogy "The Fellowship of The Rings" hadn't even come out for release in the theaters, but MUCH of the promotional materials were easily accessible, there was this noticeable trend in the art of MANY artists to do a very European whimsical theme with Medieval & Renesance styles, very much inspired by the work & designs from the film directed by Pete Jackson. But, even recently, they've made a swing towards a Tribal Fusion, or Oriental/Middle-Eastern/Mediterranean/North-African flavor, or even Steam Punk.
The most noticeable of this trend were in French Female artists. They would blend similarities from Anime, which had also been inspired by the LOTR novels, but with some elves called Dark Elves.
As I'd already mentioned, I was somewhat inspired by the "Heavy Metal" Magazine in the 80s & 90s, which was actually originally a French magazine from France. I do very much like many Europeans styles of comics & cartoons, because they tend to focous on very expressive ways of portaying Romance, emotions, passion, and even prefer their ways of portraying sexualty, sexual situations, and sex.
Off the top of my head, these are just SOME of the noteworthy French artists that I like:
And, this one here has to be my favorite of them all: Vyrhelle-Vyrl
There are also some Belgian comic/cartoon artists that are also worthy of mention. I know that Belgium is NOT France, but their comics are usually all published IN FRENCH, which I CAN'T READ. Of them that's THE most noteworthy is the artwork of a comic series called "Djinn". I'd actually downloaded a few issues of, because I was considering purchasing the books, but they were virtually ALL in FRENCH, and the cost of importing the books was just SO high that I didn't decided not to buy them. If they were at least in German, or maybe even in Dutch I could maybe try figure out what it was about. I've been told that sometimes it's available in English, but I found it very difficult to find. (Anyways, now, I'm broke & unemployed, so it doesn't matter.)
But, the artwork is lovely. According to Wikipedia & other sources, the artists of this comic are also females.
A noticeable difference from American Comics is that there isn't always quite as much violence in their content. Instead, they focus very much or emotions between people, usually romance, but also sex, which can often be very explicit, yet very tasteful, and beautiful, unlike some of the more disgusting styles done in the USA, or Japan.
Many people whom I've known over the years often comment about this. They will wonder why American media is SO afraid of sexual content, which isn't taboo in Europe, but have such a stint on exaggerated violence, and even how it's become even MORE prevalent in this Century. I DO think it's a good point, because even TEEN magazines in Germany, or even Mexico not only openly discuss sexual topics for the teens, but even show nudity, which isn't considered taboo at all. I STILL have an old 1997 issue of BRAVO Magazine somewhere depicting this.
The case could be said that our past government administration have something to do with this, including the George W. Bush Era, but also being continued even further, and in MANY cases even WORSE under Obama's administration even tho' he was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize.
I'm SO glad that these women artists made the move to publish & share their artwork online, because even tho' I do LOVE Furries, at the time, I just was so unhappy to do Furry ONLY artwork. It's NO SECRET that I like to draw beasts & Monsters, and back the Anthro/Furries was something that SOLD. But, if you are ONLY (or mostly) doing something some art for money and NOT because you loive it, something hurts you inside as an artist, because an artist ALWAYS needs to grow, or to go back to do other things they like. After a while I just couldn't take it anymore, and I HAD to start doing human figures again, like Lively. But, my audience, which had grown very quickly, and VERY big, was SO irate with me for doing so. I'd ALSO wanted to experiment & explore the possibilities of Anime influences, because there was a big trend heading that way back then, and I'd ALSO made a 360 on my views of Japanese & Asian arts...
Sadly, I lost MOST of my audience.
I would like to discuss more on Anime, sexuality, and also Furries.
Now, WHY Furries???
Well, I'd actually had an Anthro version of Lively back then. I JUST could part with her. The entire time I was doing Furries, I guess I unconsciously, or subconsciously NEEDED her to go through it with me.
But, those are topics for yet more blog posts......
During the last 2-3 years of the 1990s, dragons seemed to pop in & out of popularity.
And, by 1997-2001, there was even a popular fashion trend with Chinese dragons on EVERYTHING! Not just men's clothing, but girls as well! I remember in 1999 & 2000 walking around at The Gallery Mall in Center City Philadelphia and EVERYTHING in all the girls' fashion shops had Chinese dragons on them, and wanting ALL of them!
I think I STILL have a pair of pants somewhere in my closet from '97/98.
But, at the end of high school, I found I was suddenly CRAZY about anything, and EVERYTHING with dragons!
The majority of the sketches & doodles I did of dragons in high school I don't have... it's mainly because I doodled them on my math papers, or scraps of paper...
I was having difficulty sketching the dragons, because I wanted to draw the wings, but I wanted them to look better. (In case you didn't know, I'm kinda famous for my wings in my artwork)
Sometimes around 1997/1998 I was already dreaming up stories or ideas about dragons, but I didn't quite know what to do with them yet... as I would commute to Philly from NJ to my animation classes on Saturday mornings, I would play my Disckman (CD Player) and listen to techno music, and stair our the window of the PATCO train, and my day-dreams would play out... I didn't quite know what to do with it tho', yet, and didn't have a whole coherent plan or story yet... just more of a feeling... some images in my mind...
Then, in 1998, Blümchen came out with a new single which was a remake of Rozalla's "Everbody's Free" called "Ich bin weider hier". (I am again here)
This was one of those Eurodance popular themes of proto steam-punk themes very popular in the 1990s. It had already been done by other Eurodance/Rave Techno bands like in Dune's video for the song "Million Miles From Home", or that Egyptian+Techno Fusion of the band "Pharao".
Not only did the Blümchen video have the whole steam-punk vibe, it had a very heavy influence from "Titanic" which I'd worked as a concessionist & usher at AMC during, which was CRAZY that year and went on & on forever... but, the video had a wyvern in it (a dragon). The video had loads of interesting visuals, special effects, very good quality cameras. And, it totally fueled my imagination...
So, I began inventing my own story, and developing characters etc...
At first it was Lively... and, I was developing the dragon character further... But, it wasn't narrowed down yet...
During spring break in 1998 of my senior year in high school, Wolfgang (from Germany) sent me a taped copy of EVERY songs from EVERY album by Scooter (at the time), and it JUST arrived before I left to go on vacation with my two school mates, and 1 of there girls mother.
(The whole thing was like a string of bad luck. Before I left, the day before I went to the bank and withdrew $300 cash to have fun in FL. I left the money in my satchel I a locker at AMC. AND, some new boys that JUST started that morning robbed my money, and left the building.That was also sort of the start of the beginning of the end for AMC for me. It was a great place to work, but management changed, and I got put through Hell once I graduated higschool and went to summer school at the U-ARTS)
Before we drove down, my friend decided she & I ought to ditch her mother, and the blond girl and "go in the basement to talk with her grandmother". What that actually meant was I'm taking you to go smoke a joint with my grandmother and the blond is no fun, and she's getting on my nerves.
So, there were were smoking 2 joints with her grandmother, opening up a vent by hand, and blowing the smoke into a wadded up towel so as not stink like expensive perfumed cannabis kind buds. After that, she drove most of the way herself higher than I was because she smoke almost double what I smoked, and I smoked A LOT! I also have asthma... But, that was the most unqiue high of my entire life! Better than ANYTHING I'd EVER smoked with my drug dealing little bro'.
So, I was in the back seat, and the blond girl (sitting to my right) kept turning to me telling me how she was irked with the chick that I got high with every hour or so. I think she KNEW that chick was high, but obviously didn't know that I was... Man, I was HIGH AS A KITE!
The drive is about 12 hours from Southern New Jersey, and these folks dilly-dally and take forever to up and leave... I did NOT know that... until I went on that trip...
So, by the time it got dark, I popped in 1 of the tapes of all the songs by "Scooter" that I'd LITERALLY only just gotten about a day or 2 BEFORE we left, and I was saving them SPECIFICALLY to listen to on the drive down to Florida! Now, when you're high, there's a possibility that some songs can effect how you feel, your mood, or even (if you're lucky) give you euphoria... it doesn't always happen tho'... but there were 2 specific tracks that whenever I heard them they caused me to have these AMAZING emotional sensations, that seemd to make my VERY SOUL vibrate with utter pleasure, bliss, and ecstasy! 1 track was on 1 side of the cassette, and 1 track was on the other. Both sides had a number of really great techno songs, that I loved VERY much, but these 2 songs made me have these amazing feelings! Incredible!
So, when I flipped the tape over again, to start to play the songs all over again, 1 of the songs played again, and I found myself experiencing those feelings yet again! Just utter waves of joy, ecstasy, sensation! Same thing happened YET again when I flipped it back, played the other side, and heard the other songs! It was SO amazing to me!
So, finally after finishing that side, I didn't really feel high anymore, but I wondered whether, or not, if I tried to play those songs, would it still happen??? So, I Fast-forwarded the tape, found the song, and BINGO! It happened AGAIN! In fact it happened EVERY TIME! Both songs! Fortunately they almost lined up on both sides of the tape!
This went on ALL night, and I was up even until dawn...
But, unfortunately, the following day... those feelings never came back... and no other weed could ever give that amazing experience again... However, the very listening of the tape, and all the songs, was to me a very spiritual-like experience! (Yeah... I know... it was drugs... but, it felt more than that to me...)
Listening to those songs, filled my mind with inspiration, and many of the stories involving the dragons, and Lively, began to start to form, further and further...
(There was also a 3rd song, which also gave me some feelings and
sensations as well, but the other 2 were the most moving. However, this
song was on the tape AFTER 1 of the tracks, which is WHY I kept thinking
it was 2 songs! )
As for that whole spring break thing, it was going well until the end. The chick that drove us down kept drinking too much hard liquor and did way too much drugs... I have my limits, ya know? She kept saying she was gonna do this, this or that, but would just lay around and not do it, and the blond, whom was supposed to be her best friend did nothing but complain to me constantly into my ear about how much she hated everything that girl did. I was really confused, because the girl's brother, mother, and relatives in FL were all so very nice to us when we were down there, but the blond was never happy with any of it. Towards the end, my asthma was getting really bad, and my friend began smoking in the car... she also seemed to do things on purpose to stress herself out needlessly... I didn't understand why she was doing that, and she was fighting with her mother, plus she didn't have any sleep for 2 days. I have NO idea why, and even her mother offered to drive. So, she parked the car, and we were all supposed to sleep for a few hours in Virginia. Then, randomly she started smoking in the car with the windows barely even open. next thing I knew I was having an asthma attack, really bad. The blond allegedly tried to come over to help me. I remember her saying stuff, and being concerned about me, but they told people I beat or attacked the blond, or in some versions I pushed the bond, or slapped the blond, or that I slapped the blond... None of that happened... What DID happen, however, was the girl that was smoking had some kind of raging fit. She started screaming, opened her car door wide open, flew my door open, then reached in like a person with roid rage, grabbed me and dragged me out of my seat, began beating me up really bad too! She dragged me across the pavement which broke my sandals (both of them) and practically mopped the pavement with me, as my legs were scraped and bleeding. She also dragged me by my hair, picked me up to hold my up to beat me, threw me down to beat me, kicked me in my kidneys, my stomach, punched me in the face, and tore up my clothes that I was wearing. She also screamed babbling nonsense words, and every once in a while she would say "bitch". I was so scared for my life that the only thing I could do to defend myself was to scratch at her, plus at the time I was still partly a Christian & a Pacifist at the time (even tho' I was slightly dabbling in Wicca, the Occult, Gnosticism, and New Age + Philosophy) , and you're NOT supposed to fight back, EVER. Christianity is weird... I ran away into a gas station, and asked people to help me, and they called the cops. the cops showed up, but they didn't believe me. Since I scratched her to get her off me, she had more blood on her than I did. and, bruises take hours to show... Then, after a while they suddenly wanted to take me home, and asked me to go with them... but, I had a terrible vision of myself laying dead in a ditch, so I was scared for my life to go with them... And, I stayed in the Police Station and waited for my mother & her boyfriend to drive down to Virginia to come pick me up. I was late getting back to school by 2 days, because I had to go to a doctor, get X-rayed, and was prescribed with anti-inflammatory drugs. My urine was pink or orange because she's kicked my kidneys so hard... Then, before I even went back to school, I had to call the principle and have all of my classes re-arranged so I couldn't be in the same classes with her anymore. I was SO scared for my life! By the time I got back to school there were millions of other stories, and versions that she kept telling and re-inventing...and, no matter who asked her to tell about it, she couldn't keep the story strait... She even had my ex, and a group of people gang up on me by stopping my car from starting... I didn't know who to trust, because I KNEW she was gonna try to turn my friends against me... but, when I told my closer friends that I wasn't gonna talk about it, because I KNEW she would most likely slip-up, and tell weirder and weirder versions, and be unable to keep her stories strait that it would prove that she was the guilty person, and I was the victim... that's exactly what happened, then when I finally told my best friend at the time, she actually did me a favor and tried to fish the girl for details... and, she earned my trust back, so I told my best friend my version, which was the real version, and before long, people heard my version, and began to seriously doubt that girl's credibility...
The odd thing was that the blond girl, whom was supposed to be that girl's best friend, did nothing but bitch about how much she hated her. But, as soon as she beat the living crap out of me, she quickly turned on ME, and kissed that girl's butt so much that it was WEIRD. I'd never seen an evil side of the blond in my life EVER. And, even tho' the girl that beat me up was telling wild tales about the story, that she was somehow the victim, and I was the drug addict (so I kinda wonder what other secret drugs she might've also been doing), the blond began doing the same thing, but even WEIRDER! I NEVER even DID anything to the blond! Then, there was senior prom! the BOTH of them ganged up on me, and followed me like hell-raising mosquitoes to harass me... before, when I was nicknamed "Pocahontas" those 2 were the ones whom openly said THE MOST that they loved the name, loved my style, and admired my courage, and even stood up to bullies on my behalf, or stuck-up for me. I'd worked on projects with them, and even got that girl in a special project with me privately funded by the school, and we even had our own perks because of who were were. But, that night at the Prom in the hotel bathroom, I was in the stall and they began acting like mad crazed women, and started saying stuff like: "What kind of person thinks they're Pocahontas? That's an insane and sick idea! What kind of crazy bitch would do that?" Then, it was cheap shots about how I spoke German, listened to German music, or techno music, or thought I was Blümchen." They even acted out mock killings of me. Then, they threatened my life, and said: Oh that kind of girl should watch out because she might end up dead. Then, the guy I went to the Prom with got his car's tire slashed... There was plenty of other weird and fucked up things that happened after that... But, those are the ones that stick out the most... Then, about a week or 2 before graduation we had this sort of Senior Picnic in which the class (or 1998) would all go on buses to some rented barbeque park, eat burgers, and do activities, or lounge around... My best friend at the time, had been telling me for a few days that she had been talking to the girl that beat me up, and kept insisting that I should go talk with her to that girl, that she admitted some things, and that she regretted it and she was sorry... I was so friggin' scared out of my mind, and I think I even might have had a restraining order against her. She had like super villain strength, and this person whom I'd believed for my entire high school enrollment was my very good friend, just up and snapped and tried to kill me, kept threatening my life, damaging people's cars including mine, so I wasn't buying it... I figured perhaps it was some kinda trick or something... 'cause I was against it... But, my best friend even got some of my other friends to also try and help sway me to talk to her... At the senior picnic, my best friend said to me: Look, she's really sorry. She was crying, she feels bad. You're gonna go talk to her right now! Even tho' I protested, she and 2 other girls got me to agree to at least hear her out. So, the girl came over to talk to me... It was an odd feeling... You could just SEE her face, she looked terrible. Stressed, and odd... she looked like she sort of hated life, and she didn't seem like she liked me... but, she sort of bowed her head to me, and has submissive apologetic body language... even tho' her eyes looked angry and crazy, from her mouth she started to apologize to me... sometimes she would grit her teeth, and she even looked like she was chocking back tears... she didn't so much say "sorry", but she said she felt bad, she wished she could un-do it, etc... and she kept talking... My best friend told me that she felt bad, and probably deep down inside she actually was my friend, and that she was probably just making a stupid teenaged mistake. Odd words from my friend since I was usually the wise one... but, then, the girl started crying, and she hugged me... So, my best friend was like: OK, so, are we cool now? I wan't entirely sure whether to believe it or not... but, since suddenly everyone was watching, I decided it would be better, and more diplomatic if I just played along with it... The blond, however, was SO obviously NOT happy about this. She stood there scowling at me with the dirtiest looks. And, she would still keep up saying the weird crazy things like she was saying before like the cheap shots about "Pocahontas" and being crazy... At 1 point the girl even told the blond off! Also, this whole "makeup" thing was odd for me, because she just WASN'T the same person to me at all, it was NOTHING like before, nor the person I knew her as from before... yet, she would actually hang out around me, or near me those last 2 weeks of high school, semi-nonchalantly... but, there was just some odd vibe about her I couldn't quite understand... the blond however STILL had daggers for me, was VERY vocal about it. So, I wonder if maybe she was mad because that girl actually wanted to makeup with me to some degree, and even tho' they'd BOTH orchestrated whole lies, frauds, and vandalism against me, I guess she figured why stop now? Maybe it gave her some false sense of prejudiced based power trip. I don't know, and it's not really my place to judge. I'd also had to attend award ceremonies, a number of them before we graduated, and I even had to do a speech and praise the girl that beat me up. The other girls on the project were scared of that girl too because they understood that she's actually beat me up, and that I was scared out of my mind from her. Graduation sucked too... it didn't seem so much like the chick that beat me up was trying to ruin it for me, but the blond kept it up, in subtle, indirect, and direct ways. It was worse than "Mean Girls". At least she (if not both of them) had the guys whom were originally my friend heckle me. Anyways, that was a long time ago... I have NO idea who they are anymore, what kind of persons they are, and even tho' I could judge them (very poorly) by their past actions... I don;t know whether I ought to hold it against them all the way, necessarily... I haven't even used their names either... But, you know me, if I wanted to go after injustice, and evil doers, it's no holds barred!
But.... I will say this... that MIGHT be the reason WHY I don't do BLOND characters, and if I do have them, they are villains... *shrugs*
Anyways, after graduation, I had a Half Tuition Scholarship given to me by the Animation teacher Lowl Boston, with award certificates, and everything. But, they wouldn't give me a scholarship to enroll full-time in the fall. Despite that, they CONSTANTLY called me PESTERING me to to enroll in the animation major there.
I'd already desided to enroll fulltime at AIPH (The Art Institute of Philadelphia) which had THE EXACT SAME TEACHERS as the U-ARTS, and for THE SAME associates degree that took 4 years to get there took only 2 at AIPH. Plus, AIPH supposedly garenteed graduates jobs in their fields...
Since there were NO other animation school in the area, and ANIMATION was NOT taught at ANY of the community colleges or Sate Universities in NJ, after reasearching as much as I could since I was 16 it seemed to me that AIPH was THE BEST choice, and I was VERY excited to go there! But, they screwed up my paperwork, and I couldn;t start in the Fall, but had to wait until Januray.
Meanwhile, not only was I attending FULL TIME classes that summer at the U-ARTS the new fucking managers at AMC kept fucking with my schedule! They would schedule me to work 8 days strait!!!! (there are ONLY 7 days in a week) So every 8 days I would get 1 day off, and I was exhausted! The hours they scheduled me for I also couldn't make it in time for, and NO ONE would ever bother to TRY to take up the slack for my hours, even tho' I ALWAYS did so for them (because I guess that's what ur supposed to do if ur a good Christian, be everyone's bitch to kick around, then forgive them and pray for them because you're "supposed to be the better man").
I got so flustered and frustrated every time the new schedule came out because I'd JUST told them I HAVE COLLEGE CLASSES from MON-FRI at THESE specific HOURS, plus stuff ON THE WEEKEND for about 6 weeks! Then, these assholes were like: well you need to submit that to me IN WRITING! I was like: I DID! I handed it TO YOU, TO YOUR FACE, IN YOUR HAND! I REMINDED YOU ON THE PHONE. YOU SAID EVERYTHING WAS FINE, and YOU WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT!
Yet, every week THE SAME DAMNED THING!
After the 4th time, I freaked the fuck out in the Lobby! Now, back then, I was calm cool, and collected... but, not only that, I was under tremendous pressure from the U-ARTS to go toe EVERY friggin' party, and EVERY event JUST because I got a scholarship award! They chewed me out almost every week over EVERYTHING!
Not only that but they had told me they were FINE with the fact that I couldn't attend THE LAST WEEK because I was going to Germany. But, the bitch in charge of the Summer School program LOVED to rub that in my face! She would even LOOK for reason to chew me out!
WTF! I'd always been treated as an adult at the U-ARTS before, and this bitch talked to me like I was 12!
So, lets just say the year 1998 wasn't exactly a great year for me, and not only that but in 1997 the day before my birthday, just about 1-2 weeks before senior year started, my dad's girlfriend got my dad drunk and had HIM beat me up, brutally, then I ran away to live with my mother in my barefeet. the next day was my birthday, and I turned 18.
So, after I came back from Germany in August I was VERY sick, and had tonsillitis & step throat. I was too sick to work at AMC for about 2 weeks, yet they still kept pressuring me to sign up to be a supervisor, even tho' My mom and her boyfriend decided they were moving us all to Southern Delaware. They moved ON my brithday.
Lemme tell you, I am probably the the single most person on the entire planet Earth that has had THE WORST BIRTHDAYS throughout my ENTIRE adult life. (Last year sucked REALLY bad too!)
DRAGONS
It was during my time at the U-ARTS that summer that I really started to form these concepts for the dragon stuff, and also involving Lively...
They handed out these hard covered, square shaped, ring bound sketch books. Not standard sketchbook sizes, kinda small actually. But, we were all handed these. All majors, not just animation majors.
And, the bitch in charge of the whole summer school thingy was the type of artsy-fartsy weirdos that's more of a "crafter" than an artist. By that I mean "arts & crafts" not actual art... that and MODERN art... which is mostly SHIT and talentless, but they will try to spin it as tho' it's "the art of ideas", or "intellectual" art. Look, Duchamp in my opinion was a genius, and a number of the original movement in modern arts, and abstract art were the geniuses, and mind blowing... but, pretty much everyone else is a wanna-be, and it's because THEY ARE LAZY, and SUCK AT DRAWING! These are also the types that always go on & on about "texture" as tho' they were some kind of actual artist... "Oh, well, I like texture." Or they do or TEACH pottery, but they think that SMOOSHING it makes it somehow better. The idiots that slap paint around and call it art, and make REAL artists have a bad reputation... Or painted who ONLY paint "still life" like bowls of fruit, or flowers, even tho' ANYONE could do shit like that, and it would still look like fruit or a flower...
Yeah, she was 1 of those... I kept winning awards and prizes while I was the U-ARTS which you could SEE on her face that she HATED. Look, I really was nice to her, and I was mostly still a Christian back then... so, if I come off as being snobby, or elitist, I'm sorry... but, I hate being put down, or told what I should or should do or be like, by someone that has less tallent and skills in their whole brain let alone their entire body than I did even at age 18 in just my pinky! This bitch could make or break me too... What? You STILL don't ike the way I'm kissing ur ass? Well, maybe she should tell me how my ass tastes? (Can ya tell I'm angry in retrospect?)
Anyways in her misguided ideals she thought that since we were ALL artists that we OUGHt to "decorate" out sketchbooks. The covers that is... Da-fuck???
I personally couldn't give a SHIT what the cover of my sketchbook looks like! I'm not some dumb-assed scrap-booker crafter HACK! I'm and ACTUAL artist! I didn't want some gaudy shit all over the cover! I happend to LIKE the simplistic elegant plain BLACK hard cover...
and, almost NO ONE actually WANTED to "decorate" the sketchbook. The purpose of the sketch book, is TO PUT YOUR ART INSIDE OF IT! And, the cover protects it! Especially if you were a GUY why the FUCK would he want to glue tissue paper, fabrics, or dorky paper on it? THEY ARE DUDES!
But, to get this Bitch off my back, I used a Blümchen sticker and "decorated it". pretty much EVERYONE just put stickers on their sketchbooks. Bands, like Wu-Tang, or heavy Metal bands, or hardcore Punk, or Disney movies like The Lion King...
If you had a corn-ball fucked-up weirdo looking cover, that looked like something a Kindergartener would do, somehow in her opinion that was THE BEST!
Man! In retrospect, I ust look back at my younger self and I think: WHF? I actually used to "respect athority" and still play this whole "everyone's opinion has some validity sometimes" bullshit!
But, today, i'm NO LONGER a Christian, and on reevaluating this whole thing I've come to a conclusion. That chick was A BITCH, on a Power trip. She thought that since she was in charge of the Summer School Programs at the University that it somehow validated to her that she was some sort of "Success", a great artist, a strong woman, etc... No. it went to her head! I got ZERO respect for people like that. I've had some REAL leaders to look up to in my life time, true alphas and they WERE NOT bitches like that! And she was an Ageist hack that deserves me to look down at her!
But, in that sketchbook was where I started to dream up, and sketch out most of my concepts for my dragon characters, specifically Djehkäujaa.
I do still have a number of my earlier sketches and concept work. And, I just found them, so I WILL have to scan and publish them...
But, I think this blog entry has gone on long enough for 1 entry.... and, I feel SO much better having let it all out! ;) Creatively & constructively!
So, look forward to me publishing those sketches in my next blog entries...
So, remember how I told you I was very "into my heritage"? Yeah, well you see, as it turns out, most Americans have, oh... you know.... European Heritage... Funny thing about that... yeah, well you see, I'm ethnically MOSTLY European... actually SEVERAL...
On my father's side, via his father, they were totally German, and my name "Zimbleman" comes from the original name of "Zimbelmann" which means the "Zill player" (Zimbeln is usually German for "Zills") or the "dulcimer player". ;)
So, of course, I had an interest in that... if I had an interest in my British side, I could just call me grandmother and ask her, or easily look it up... I mean, after all, it was in English, and sure sometimes I was interested in Celtic or Druid things as well... But, Germany seemed so different and far away in the 90s...
But, in 1994 we got our first computer. A Macintosh Power PC 6200 connecting to the internet via E-World! Oh WOW!
I used it to look up unicorns, and music, like bands from Europe such as ERASURE, and techno stuff. I loved Techno music, but in 1994 there were no MP3s. Just AIF & WAV. 1 time I got a theme song to X-FILES! Yeah!
But, sometime around 1995 or 1996 E-World shut down, and we got a deal to go on America Online alias AOL. So, we did!
That's when I met this really nice guy named Wolfgang. He was 85% deaf, and had hearing aids. BUT, he gave me lots of attention, and sent me presents from Germany ALL THE TIME. Fine chocolates like Milka, Ritter Sport, and the ultimate: LINDT. Back then there were NONE of those in the USA.
I liked SOME Hip-hop, house, but more and more I was CRAZY about techno music! I also liked Synth Pop. Eurodance HI-NRG Bands like: Real McCoy, 2 Unlimited, Corona, Abigale, Reel 2 Real, and some Freestyle like Lil' Susy, or Denine & Collage!
So, Wolfgang often made me mixed-tapes (or CDs), and thats when I went crazy for a genre known as HAPPY HARDCORE!
I loved music by Scooter, Dune, and Das Modul... but, my ULTIMATE FAVORITE was Blümchen! (Blümchen means mini-flower)
Before I knew it, I became a super fan of Blümchen! I knew everything about her that I could find! I even could read in German! My high school didn't have any German classes, so I had to learn it all on my own! It was actually SOOOOO easy!
In 1996, Blümchen was known as dieRave Prinzessinon the German AOL.
But, she eventually changed her style to Pop/Techno by 1998, because the whole Pop music movement went crazy by the late 90s.
But, I was ALL Hardcore Techno! And, I liked Eurodance too!
Blümchen's real name was Jasmin Wagner. Not only was she a singer, but she was a Television show moderator for talkshows, contest, shows, and even a VJ. She also was an activist like I was, she did acting, modeling, and even designed clothing when modeling it got boring for her. She did seem to get bored too often tho'... and then she started to want to write the songs she did, which were rather good. She also did 2 albums in English under the name Blossom, and even toured in Asia.
I like Jasmin's whole outlook on things, even tho' she was younger than I was. I liked to know what the whole fashion trends were going on in Europe, because 1/2 the time I liked whatever she was wearing ALOT. Big platform shoes, tight vinyl pants, form fitting clothes, etc... I just didn't care for the miniskirts she often wore...
But, when Jasmin was on screen she has a kind of energy, or look to her, that was very inspiring to me, not just as a young person, but as an artist.
So, there is SO much of Jasmin as Blümchen in Lively!
I got a scholarship, and then many many more after that, to go to animation classes on the weekends at the U-ARTS in Philadelphia. My teacher was Lowl Boston, and he kept giving me bigger & bigger scholarships, so I kept going! I just LOVED animation!
So, after having done the basic "bouncing ball" and "morphing" lessons, what do you do after that???
Well, you do walking and run cycles...
So, I based my run cycle on an interview Glen Keane gave of Pocahontas (on his wall was sketches of 3 full run cycles front, profile, and behind) that was a tiny little shot on video, that I would pause and try to sketch thumbnails of, over & over, until the VCR would shut off, then I had to rewind, try to find that spot on the video again, pause it and RUSH to try sketching it again!
But, once I'd already DONE the run cycle, in 3 variations of it, profile, head on, and behind cycle, then the profile pan, the moving background, inked & painted cells.... I wanted to do something MORE!
So, I used a Quicktime video of a Blümchen's "Herz an Herz" and made quick thumbnail sketches of each video frame.
But, I was also inspired by when Blümchen threw her shoe in her "kleiner Satelit" video.
Then, putting them all together, in a rather surreal music video 90s style, I put all of my animation together like an animation reel, with music from the album version of "Boomerang" by Blümchen.
That is where Lively REALLY took shape & form!
At the U-ARTS in Philadelphia!
Mind, you I was STILL in high school! Imagine how much I got bullied just for that too!
Anyways, you can see my references compared to my animations.
This head turn was based on Blümchen's head turn in "Herz an Herz".
It was around the time when I made this head turn animation that I really started to realize I had something here! There was really a unique character coming along here!
And, this dance was based on the dance Blümchen did in the same "Herz an Herz" video.
I usually had Lively, by this time depicted in a shiny vinyl or leather catsuit, when before I had her dress more like Herdrol.So it was influences from Comic Books and Euro Rave!
But, at AIPH, some guys used to tease me, and called her "Naked Lady". That really annoyed me. }:-(
But, here, you can compare the animations to the Blümchen videos:
You can also check out the videos for her songs: "Bicycle Race", "Boomerang", "Blau Augen", and "Heut' ist mein Tag".
It's all that sort of same vibe I like to utilize for Lively...
But, it was around that time in 1997-1998 that I named her... while I was working at AMC Marlton 8.
In case you missed it... 1 of the translation to English of the meaning of the name "Pocahontas" means "Lively & Frolicsome"... and since this character is very playful, fun, and happy... and I consider her very beautiful, and LOVELY... as I was trying to find a suitable name for her, Lively just stuck.
And, even tho' I have loads more to say about Lively, and her origins & beginnings, that's pretty much how she started out... Oh, but, I didn't tell you about the dragons yet...
AND, from Lively sprang another character which has to do with dragons as well!
But, that's yet another blog post for another time....
I reworked, re-painted, re-colored, and edited this in Adobe Photoshop CC 2018 & Adobe After Effects CC 2018 last week.
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