My Personal Symbolism of the Unicorn: Early Childhood

My Personal Symbolism of the Unicorn 

Since I was about 4 or 5 years old, in the early 1980s, I saw a movie on HBO called "The Last Unicorn" which was not only based on the novel by Peter S. Beagle, but he also wrote the screenplay/script for the film as well. I saw it early in the morning, on a Saturday. It was around the time we first got pay-TV (Cable TV) and also got our very first VCR/VHS.

I recall that it was a film I'd VERY MUCH wanted to see. I don't know why, just that it was something I wanted to see.

Why? Well, in the 1980s, in South Jersey (Greater Philadelphia) there was this great toy store franchise called "Kiddie City". It was so great that when you went there, they had turnstiles at the entrance like a carnival, or amusement park, and when you went inside it was wall-to-wall toys, and other fun stuff, including video games, video tapes, and anything fun you could think of for a child or teenager in the 20th Century. If I recall correctly, there were some Kiddie City locations in NJ, but also in Eastern PA. My Aunt lived in Eastern PA, and she would often buy these rubbery plastic clown figures that were Made in Hong Kong (in fact virtually ALL TOYS in the 1980s were made in Hong Kong). The little figurines were some kind of collectable series which was a thing in the 1980s. "Collect them all!" Even McDonald's and many other companies had collection gimmick campaigns to stimulate consumer demand, or revenue.

Anyways, one of the clown figurines was a Unicorn.
It was named Yuli or Uli. Even tho' anything my Aunt gave me was instantly my favorite, Uli was my ABSOLUTE favorite ANYTHING at that age! I took it EVERYWHERE! It was very small, and white, and had a cutesy, goofy face.

 And, one summer, I went shopping with my Aunt at a grocery store in PA, I think it was called Jewl-T or something, and as I was riding in the back of the cart, like little kids were allowed to do back then, I dropped my Unicorn! Shopping carts are made of chrome metal mesh, which is wide. It was SO TRAUMATIZING for me, even tho' I had several incidents in which I'd lost, or misplaced my Unicorn, my Aunt always could always find it, and I dropped it 3 times in that store.

The last time I dropped it was FOREVER, and I was always forever sad about it as a child. My Aunt always tried to find another Unicorn figurine, and I think she might've even called, and visited EVERY Kiddie City there was in the entire area... but to no avail...

So, I figure THAT is the reason why I LOVED UNICORNS SO MUCH. Hense, why I wanted to see "The Last Unicorn". In fact, I think it might've actually been HER, my aunt, whom told me about the film, and told my Mom... I don't specifically recall for sure...

Well, that Saturday morning, I got up and manually turned on the analog TV (there were no remote controls yet for the TV, just the VCR). By the time I'd fiddled with it, and got it to work, I switched the dial, and came to HBO... and I must've had perfect timing, because I saw a BEAUTIFUL, elegant, unicorn. All the beautiful colors, and golden backgrounds, then, the next thing I knew, the song started to play.
And, I THOUGHT the movie was OVER!!!!! So, I started CRYING!!!!!

I was SO distraught because the movie was OVER! I thought it was over! Like, the end of the world! (I was only like 4 years old) I recall it being SO PAINFUL! And, I sobbed, and sobbed! And, it was like loosing Uli ALL OVER AGAIN! Ever see a child sob so much that they gasp hard,  and gulp air? Yeah, that was me...

Then, the image of the Squirrel came onto the screen, and the squirrel was crying too. You could see a tear form on the face of the squirrel! This only incited my epitome of despair even further! I sat there at the TV screen, crying at it, telling the unicorn to come back.

So, my Mom got out of bed, and came out to see what was going on, and looked at me crying.

"It's over! It's over! I missed it!"

My mom told me it was OK, or fine, and said I didn't miss it, or I could watch it again later. But, I cried & cried at the TV. It's forever etched in my memory...

...........but, there's a twist.... I actually hadn't missed it.

It wasn't the end of the film... it was actually the beginning. In the beginning of the film, there's an intro opening scene, and then it goes into the Opening Credits Scene, with credits on it, and the song "The Last Unicorn"

So, as I was transfixed with the TV, crying my eyes out, bawling, and reliving my trauma of loosing Uli all over again, the film kept playing.... and I realized it wasn't over... and as the unicorn spoke, I began to calm down, and sat on the floor, watching the film...  Yes, I'd made such a fuss about missing it, when I'd actually JUST turned on the TV at the EXACT right moment!

Later that day, after lunch, my mom went to the TV, rewound the tape, and put my little brother, Ken, in his playpen near the TV, and asked me to come into the living room, and watch the movie. She pushed "play", and I saw the HBO logo & Jingle, and the Parental Guidance Rating, and then, the movies started playing: "The Last Unicorn".

Yes, Super Mom, had actually programmed the VCR to record "The Last Unicorn", which was probably WHY it was even on the screen to start with, and I just happened to watch it just as it was starting.

The HBO version of the film was edited differently, but I didn't know that until sometime in the 1990s. However, I'd watched the HBO cut film version we had so much that I knew every line by heart, and can still quote & recite it to this day.


Unicorns became my symbol, even when I didn't even understand what a symbol was.

All the adults, neighbors, relatives, and people whom knew me through people that knew me, just KNEW that Kandy LOVED UNICORNS. So, anytime anyone noticed a unicorn, ANYWHERE they would call my mom and tell her about it, and we would go look at it. Whether it was a decoration, or an item in the store. And, people OFTEN would go out in the world, like on a vacation, and see a unicorn item, and BUY IT just for me. We lived in a different time, and that is HOW Middle Class folks were back then.

One day, I went with my mom & my Aunt to a Mall, I think it might've been the Burlington Center (NJ), or it could've been a mall in PA, I don't remember specifically, and whilest we were there, we came into a department store, and near the escalator, I saw these cute, tiny, little plushy unicorns!

They had a pink mane, pink alicorn (horn), a pink tail, and a pink choker, and were all white, with shiny eyes. The hind legs were small balls, and the forelegs were little pinches that were like a spring coil hinged clothes pin. And a tiny felt heart on it. I instantly saw them, and we HAD TO GET ONE for me. So, we spent a long time trying to find out how much they were, and no one in the store knew, and so much back and forth, because I wanted it really bad. They finally sold one to my mom, and also to my aunt, which I think was a yellow one instead of pink. She later gave it to me about a month later.

Then, for years, I always got these as gifts from my Grandmother, and random people whom knew my mother, or my aunt. I think they were made in Shenzhen China usually, maybe Taiwan and maybe Hong Kong sometimes. I had a purple one, a turquoise blue one, various rainbow colored ones. The body was usually white. And, I also had a brown horse one. Eventually, I think there was a wide variety of these, with farm animals, and Christmas, Halloween, and Spring/Easter characters as the years went by.

I don't even recall how many of these I had. People put them on their backpacks, purse straps, in their hair, their clothes, etc.

By the time I was about 5 years old My Little Pony toys were a thing. I think it was "My Pretty Pony" first, which was larger, and I could never get one, because you couldn't find a store that sold it. Then, the My Little Pony toys came out, by Hasbro. I wanted one really bad, and they were popular, and often sold out. Then, they came out with  series of My Little Pony toys that were UNICORNS, but also ones with wings, like Pegasus, called "Pegasus ponies". (Another films I'd LOVED to watch on TV was "Clash of the Titans" which was often on TV in the Spring time.)

So, naturally, I was very vocal about HOW MUCH I wanted a Unicorn Pony!

My first 2 My Little Pony toys were Apple Jack, and Bowtie. Then, I FINALLY got a Unicorn: Sunbeam!

Anyways, before long I had a collection going. I still have all of my My Little Pony vintage toys. They are in my daughter's closet.

I have some other Unicorn, rubbery toys from Hong Kong that I got at Kiddie City. The horns broke off. But, those were my "boy unicorns" because they look male, and have red eyes, and look angry or raging. I named those Dick and Rick. Why? because I used to visit my mom's friend's house, whom was a Jehovah's Witness, (and we also were, briefly for a time) and I would visit my buddy Tamera whom was a mixed Mallotto girl (half Caucasian, and Half Black) and we would play with ponies, and unicorns. In her home she had a fairy tale story book, one of the only non-religious books, and it was very think, and had many many short stories with pictures. In one of the stories, it was about 2 boy unicorn brothers named Dick & Rick. And, I always asked her dad, her older sister, or her mom, to read that story to us, over and over. I also think another neighbor of mine had that book, and I would have the parents read it there as well. So, that is why the unicorns were named Dick & Rick.

Also, we had a vintage 1970s dictionary, and in it were pictures. If you turned to the page that had "unicorn" you could see the picture of a Unicorn in it, which I think I ripped out of the book.

For my birthday, when I turned 6, I had a My Little Pony birthday party. All of my relatives came, the decorations, plates, and everything were My Little Pony EVERYTHING!

All of my neighbor's kids were my friends in Willingboro, and we played with My Little Pony toys every day. I was like a film director, and staged many of the things we played. My mom used to watch, and laughed about it to her friends.

My Christmas gifts were almost entirely My Little Pony anything related toys and unicorns. The Dream Castle, Plushy My Little Pony Firefly, stickers, and anything unicorns. I had Unicorn pendant necklaces, charm bracelets, earrings (because my aunt got my ears pierced), T-Shirts, pillow cases, curtains, sheets, bed spreads, blankets. Stickers were a big one. I often got unicorn stickers, even from boys.

THE Ultimate My Little Pony everyone wanted was named Glory, a Purple and White Unicorn MLP, similar to the Queen Unicorn named Majesty, which I had, because I got the Dream Castle. All of the neighbor girls had Glory, but I didn't get one until my big birthday party.

Then Saturday morning cartoons began to have unicorns also.

My Little Pony, and Dungeons & Dragons.  

Then, later on, came cartoons like Rainbow Bright, and She-Ra. Probably several others that I can't think of right now, but also anime movies like the Unico movies, which are really weird.

Unicorn Plushies

When I was in Kindergarten, in Willingboro NJ (Penny Packer) I was walking around at some playtime, and I saw a plushy unicorn in some kind of basket (we called them "stuffed animals" back then). So, I asked my teacher if I could play with it. She seemed very pleased that I asked, and said I could play with it. I was in love! I hugged it, and played with it, and was very happy. Then, at the end of school, when we packed up our stuff to leave, she asked to talk to me, so I went over to talk to my teacher, and she gave it to me. This sort of thing often happened to me at school, because it happened again in First grade, and again the following year.

I had several of these kinds of plushy unicorns, the ones made in the 1980s, and some in the late 1970s, which all had a distinct look to them. Usually white, with a yellow horn, made of 2 twisted pieces, and sometimes they had hooves, which were often yellow, or golden. Other times they could be turquoise blue or pink manes, or rainbow manes, and had a choker. My whole collection of these adorable unicorns I decorated my bed with before school when I made my bed, and often included Teddy bears (and I had loads of those also).

*

My Very First Actual Drawing: A Unicorn

Not only that, but the very first ACTUAL drawing I ever drew, when I was 4 years old was a Unicorn.

I have often told this story, and have blogged about it several times before, but I cannot find it.

One of my mom's friends had 3 kids, and one of the kids was named Jamie, whom was older than I was by a few years. So, I always wanted to play with her, even tho' she was sometimes naughty, and I wasn't. I think she was naughty because of her father, whom often terrorized them, and they even hid out at my house once, with cops guarding our house. I have no recollection what the dad looked like, just that he was a very bad, very scary, very disturbed, sadistic man.

When I was 4, not quite 5 yet, in the spring or early summer, Jamie wanted to draw. We often drew things, and she would teach me, or challenge me... but, I mostly just made "scribble-scrabbles" and imagined they were something. I drew all the time since I was old enough to hold a crayon or pencil, and scribble-scrabbled on every book, table top, or piece of paper I could find. It was like this insatiable aspect of my soul expressing myself. I had to write and doodle on everything. However, since I got in trouble for that, I stopped scribbling on the walls, and just scribbled inside of empty book pages, napkins, and envelopes, or bills on the desk.

Anyways, that day I sat on the patio with Jamie and we colored, and then she wanted to draw. So, we tried drawing things, to see if we could draw something that looked like something. She was much older than I was, maybe 2nd grade, and I was only 4, almost 5. 

She then suggested that we try to draw a Unicorn, because we both loved unicorns, and often watched The Last Unicorn together. She tried, then I would try, and both tries didn't quite look like a unicorn. We were only drawing the head. Then, she tried again. I thought to myself, no these don't look right. It doesn't look like a Unicorn, it looks like a rhinoceros. But, Also, I felt there were too many things missing from it. She forgot that the Unicorn's alicorn (horn) needed a spiral. She forgot to draw the nostril. And, she didn't draw the ears. So, on my next try, I drew all of those things. She agreed that it looked better, but we both agreed it didn't look right. So, she tried again. But, still, it didn't look right.

So, on a few more tries, I drew both ears, showing perceptive of 1 ear behind the other, and Jamie also trying to figure out how to draw it. The paper began to fill up with unicorn heads, that didn't look like unicorns, but like rhinoceroses.

So, I stood back a moment, perplexed, and trying to analyze what it was about the unicorns that was wrong... I did all the details right, but something just wasn't right. I knew it was something wrong with the horn. It just wasn't right. And, looked like a Rhino. I even said that to Jamie, but even tho' she agreed, she would still ignore what I said because she was an older kid, and still thought she was more right.

Then, it hit me! Aha! It's the horn! It needs to go UP, and be drawn on the FOREHEAD! Not the NOSE! So, when it was my turn, I drew just that! And, BAM! That was FOR SURE a UNICORN!

Then, Jamie looked at it, and was WOWED, and agreed that this was INDEED a UNICORN! I was just so blown away, and so proud of myself, for doing that! For the mind a of a 4 year old child, this was mind blowing, and meant the world! Truly significant! That moment forever changed my life!
 There I was, a little kid, and I could draw something the big kid couldn't! I DID IT! ME!

So, we took the picture to our Moms in the kitchen and showed it to them. Usually whenever I draw things, and showed it to people, it was just scribble-scrabbles and I would tell them to tell me what they thought it was. They often had no idea, because it was just scribble-scrabbles. But, when we showed them THIS my mom said: "It's a Unicorn."
Both moms' seemed WOWED also. And they thought Jamie did it. NO! IT WAS ME!
And, even Jamie confirmed this.  Everyone was happy, and liked it!

After that, I drew Unicorns everywhere, almost every day. I just loved unicorns.
I did it! I could do it! I could draw! FOR REAL! It's NOT SCRIBBLE -SCRABBLE!

But, by September I'd become normalized with drawing, and I thought that anyone, and everyone could do it. So, on my first day of Kindergarten, when we were asked to draw, my whole classed was WOWED by my ability to draw, as well as my teacher. I'd never gotten this kind of attention from people for just drawing a cartoon... and when I drew a Unicorn, it REALLY wowed people.

At school kids would challenge me to draw all kinds of things to squirrels, to cats, dogs, horses, leaves, dinosaurs, etc. I could do it all! They asked me: How did you learn how to do that?

I thought this was a strange question. I didn't know what to say, so I said: I just do it. I just learned it myself. And, not long after, I became so much better at drawing than Jamie. She just couldn't draw details, and focus more on colors, or words, and stuff like simple hearts & flowers that you don't need much skills to do at all. She was very creative tho'. With her, everything was Peacocks, and unicorns, and rainbows.

So, my very first MUSE is the Unicorn.

So, my entire childhood is one of Unicorns, and I have quite a nostalgia for unicorns, horses, rainbows, and so on.

Well, that about does it for most of what I have to say/write about Unicorns regarding my early childhood. I have more to write about later on in my childhood, and towards my teens. But, this is already long enough.

And, I will get into The Black Unicorn symbolism after that.

More "Lively", Related Inspirations, and Personal Anecdotes in 2015

More "Lively", Related Inspirations, and Personal Anecdotes 
Back when I first started this blog, I had a a whole stream of consciousness plan, outline, in my head that was flowing like crazy, and I couldn't move fast enough to keep up with it all. I have so much to say, and so much in my mind. Then, when 2014 hit, I scattered all over the place, between jobs, interviewing, speculative investments, conferences, pressure, stress, government budget problems, healthcare, taxes, and insane people all vying for my attention.

So, I'm trying to go through my older entries to see what I missed, and where I left off.

In case you missed anything, I did mention sexuality, but nothing inappropriate or vulgar, and no porn. But, you will need to read through the entries to find them. They're recent in the timeline.

I think I didn't explain the whole "Black Unicorn" symbolism yet... I know I wrote quite a bit about Dragons, which I think I could still write more about. But, I don't think I wrote about the Black Unicorn Theme, and also where the Black UniGryphon, and Gryphon/Griffin connections came in. And, I don't think I commented on "The Matrix" which I utterly loved!











That's good because Chinese New Year is coming up... and there's some Chinese Zodiac tie-ins with that....

Is it related to "Lively"? 

Yes, of course, to me it all is. 

Don't fret, I have plenty more things to write about, and tell about. I'm surprised at JUST HOW MANY folks read my blog posts here. I have the stats. And, even the stuff I barely plugged at all, often about my more personal tell-alls is among my most read entries.

Also, last year I got several private comments of people confessing that they not only read all of my entries in this blog, but couldn't wait to continue reading more... especially my female readers. Some of whom were my old buddies from the LJ days, but also followers/friends on Twitter.

Men, and especially young male readers, actually ALSO read this blog. Surprise-surprise?
I also have a LARGE international audience. A huge chunk of that demographic are men from Islamic nations/cultures. I still am NOT racist, nor prejudiced to Islamic folks. All kinds of peoples are welcome here, so long as they are not hateful, trolls, or spammers. But, I also have a trend in "atheists", and New Agers. 

If you want to leave a comment, or ask a question, don't be afraid to do so. 

Also, I have 2 new blogs!:

Boho BlackUniGryphon

& 

Black Unigryphon's Music Appreciation Blog

I've been rebuilding THIS website, as well as my other ones. I have several new affiliate ad revenue contracts now. So, my incentive to publish more frequently is there. I also hope to use this blog in connection with each other. Altho', I'm finding that YouTube has started to block this blog from streaming their videos. I have no idea why. However, my other blogs stream videos just fine.

If you enjoy reading about my personal content, like my tell-all anecdotes, you will also like my new Bohemian Blog: Boho BlackUniGryphon. Just sayin'... If you want to view any of my other blogs, check the side bar for my Profile "About Me" and klick the "View my complete profile" to find all the other blogs I author.  

If you would like me to co-author your blog with you, let me know. I'm not saying I will. But, I'm open to possibility if you wish to add me to your blog, or group blog. If you're too much of a pushy jerk or slave driver, or too unavailable, aloof, or flighty it's also gonna be a no.

Please help this blogger's blog & content by klicking the ads to my sponsors.

Men, Art, Attraction

Last year, 2014, was an incredibly hectic year. I know I had a flow going here... but, I forgot it. But, I still have so much to say, express, and share. that's the point of art...

So, let's go!

Since my last posts were about men, and sex, and all that lovely art stuff.

I think I might share some artwork by an artist i like whom does some really nice "beefcake" Bishonin & Wuxia art.

This is a Chinese artist using that Nom De Plum:
"Hei Se"

Altho' her artwork is often very flat, and she can;t draw dynamic figures, and tends to do more simple basic run-of the-mill poses, I do like her compositions, and color theory.

a drop of green by heise on DeviantArt

Blood by heise on DeviantArt

man----- by heise on DeviantArt

sun by heise on DeviantArt

in to the green by heise on DeviantArt

Love and war by heise on DeviantArt

KING by heise on DeviantArt

I really like men, even tho' dealing with men is frustrating, and often can be demeaning. Generally, it's not so much a man's looks that really matter to me, but some things turn me off entirely. I DO NOT LIKE beards or mustaches AT ALL, EVER! PERIOD. It turns me off. Cigarettes also turn me off. And, I HATE HATE HATE thick black nerd glasses, if you could choose a better more flattering pair, if you MUST wear them. And, men that don't brush their teeth.

Yet, I don't like shaved body hair. Keep your chest hair, and your pubic hair PLEASE. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND men that shave their legs, balls, armpits, and chest... but have an Osama Bin Laddin beard.
However... I do find sideburns to be actually attractive. I don't know why.

As far as the kinds of hair which attracts me, of course it's dark hair, but I also like curly, or long hair. But, it doesn't matter. I do not like shaved heads, like skinheads, but naturally bald doesn't bother me. It's just nature.

I am mostly attracted to highly intelligent men, especially if he is more intelligent than I am, especially if his IQ is higher than mine. If he can out think me, and he's right, I just feel an incredible gravity, in which case his looks matter for nothing to me so long as he has no Osama beard, or disgusting mustache.

Then, there are the cultivated, refined, men of self control... I also find this attractive. This can be more attractive if the man is older, like the classic Zhuge Liang.

This is probably the only exception to the beard thing. I think Chinese sages are attractive. But, I have also been to Taiji classes instructed by very cultivated elder statesmen which I found secretly so arousing... but, kept it to myself.

Then,  there are the creative men, poets, musicians, DJs, programmers, artists, comedians. These are more robust, and expressive, by also have an emotional side that is more free, or liberated, and like the emotional sides of women, and have a respect for their mothers... at least, the mature ones do...

That also makes me think of Li Bai, but he verged too often on his naughty side at times, and overdid his drinking.... I like to drink, but adicts are things I must avoid.

I don't like homebodies, rigid or strict men, monotonous, boring, bland men so much... I don;t like anti-social people, nor people that have trouble having fun, being honest, or straightforward.  I think it's always better to have a balance. I like a person whom can "be in touch with their inner child", but isn't a fool, that is overly immature... yet, at the same time, doesn't equate 'maturity" to being stoic, strict, and overly religious or self righteous in a negative way.

I like Heroic personalities, probably because I am like that, like the very informed activist or advocate, people whom speak up in the midst of injustice, and protest, or do something about issues that matter. I like respectful people, but also people whom have self respect, people whom do the right thing BECAUSE they feel & understand cognitively that it is so, and can explain why that is, and NOT because they think it makes them look good in front of others, nor because they are paid to behave like they do in a scripted manner.

I also prefer people whom do acts of kindnesss, or charity, because it;s who they are, and it's inside their hearts, not because they want to leverage it later, or expect, or demand, something later on in return.... because then, their motive is the wrong one.

I especially like philosophers, or contemplative, philosophical people, not so much a person whom can just sling rhetoric like a Sophist, or lawyer, just for sport.  And, I like teachers, or masters of something that teach, whom are patient, thorough, and caring yet can also be firm like a true Alpha Male. And understand life in the gradient of all the shades of gray, not the binary dichotomy of only black & white.

But, I think I like men to be men, and not men to be a woman... if that makes sense....

I quite enjoy the Ancient Greek, and Italian Renaissance depictions of sculptures depicting the male human figure.

There are so many kinds of men, and I like so many.

Macross Inspiration

I don't know what inspired you the most. But, yes, I am incredibly inspired by the Old Disney fairy-tales, and American Comics & SciFi, But, Macross Plus is so lovely.!

I know this is a blog about my OC, Lively, but there's so much meaningfulness to this film.
Recently, I came across a review in which someone claimed that whole reason for making the Macross Plus project was kind of like a "middle finger" to the production of "Macross 2". Allegedly, the creator saw what a piece of trite crap it was and became motivated to create something of high quality, like a masterpiece. Altho' people in the 20th century would utterly laugh at the idea of anything Anime as being a masterpiece, but this one is just a cut above.

But, this guy explained that's WHY there's a film version and a Mini-series version, as well as an "International Version" (AKA the English language version).

This doesn't fall too far out of line with some Japanese personalities, whom value how they are persevered to others, or have an honor/shame culture. I lived in China several times, so the idea that a Chinese person would be bothered by loosing face with his/her art or creation is quite a real thing, so for a Japanese artist to have a reaction like that, and they're considered even more staunch than in China, it does sound believable.

Allegedly, the mini-series version was to show how the creator REALLY wanted his vision portrayed, even with a simple story in a series style. Then, re-cut & even some audio re-recorded in the Film version with different music.

When you watch either the film versions or the mini-series versions (and I've seen several versions of them) it truly does have a cinematic look & feel. They really took their time on this with gorgeous story board layouts, and the use of colors. The cinematic detail is epic.

They really did lots of homework & research on creating it. They studied photography compositions, and mimicking lenses like wide angle & fish-eye. The background pans are incredible, and use of light. The colors are incredible. 

This film also came up with the virtual idol concept (Sharron Apple) which literally inspired "Vocaloid" which is a singing computer program. The Vocaloid creator allegedly came up with it in 2000 when inspired by the 90s film.



This film has inspired quite a number of other things, so I've heard. It was also cutting edge in it's day in it's use of blending 2D + 3D. And Macross/Robotech was ground breaking for it's 1st interracial cartoon marriage on TV, as well as several other things the fans proudly point out.

Compared to Macross 2, which is utter crap, this is leaps & bounds above. So many folks love Akira, but for me, this is just SO MUCH more above & beyond.

Macross & Robotech are known for their integration of music, like Min Mei. But, this is just so different. It also integrated the sounds & feel of the 1990s, including New Age sound, techno, and pop music. There's a track that sounds similar to George Michael. Or the slow ballad "Voices" which is so very very 90s.

Anyways, there's a new box set, that's ONLY available in Japan (but if u can afford it you COULD possibly get one online, somewhere, IF u can even find one for sale).

I wish "Macross Frontier" was available as well. Because that was excellent as well.


Here's some lovely fan art I found:



Macross Plus Memories by ChristianKaw on deviantART



Sharon Apple of Macross Plus the movie .fancel. by escafan on deviantART



Sharon Apple - Macross Plus by yayacosplay on deviantART

Anyways... my New Year's resolution was to watch more Sc-Fi. And, I've done lots of that.
Start Trek, Macross, and several TV shows like Terra Nova, The 4400, and Continuum.

Lively And Men

My taste in men has changed since I was a teenager. When I was growing up, I was like most Caucasian American girls in that I was pretty much into the "All American" guy look, or personality... I was a bit confused at times, like in middle school I'd had some attractions to some ethnic guys that I was confused about, but hormones are confusing in your early adolescent years anyway.

I recall being interested originally in what felt familiar to me, meaning Caucasian guys.. you know, the soccer player, the football player, the basket ball player, but then suddenly there would be this really funny comedian guy, or the very smart guy... decisions, decisions... What do I want? What do I like? I think for most girls, they model what they want after some aspect of their fathers, whether they realize it or not... but, culture is also a factor...

I was very interested in my heritage, and when I'd seen the film "Dances With Wolves" about the Lakota Nation, it exposed me to concepts similar to my own heritage as a Native American descendant. Altho', I am an Apache Nation descendent of The Mescalero (or as my Grandfather & his sisters called it "Maskalera"). I recall watching the film over & over with my mother, whom was a VERY big fan of Kevin Costner, she would openly comment about how handsome the long haired, mostly naked, Indian Men actors were. What a concept! I'd never thought about it much until she said something, but then I thought, maybe she's right.

My mother was crazy about my father, but, he was crazy about gardening and hobbies. My mother was a MILF, and no matter who tried to get her attention or flirt with her, she would still always want to be with my father. But, I DID notice that when dark Italian men would flirt with my mother, such as local Pizzeria business owners in tight jeans, with big muscles, and somewhat long hair would flirt with her, she would actually flirt back, especially Sicilians. 

For me, I noticed that if what you felt was more attractive to the eyes, if looks mattered, I noticed that guys with dark hair felt more attractive to me. The darker the hair, the more attracted I felt. It's a VERY real feeling, a very REAL attraction, almost magnetic, and the emotion was often times VERY enhanced. Not only that, but when you are interacting with a man in a consensual, intimate manner, just the very sight of his dark hair (especially black) very MUCH enhanced the emotional high (or ecstasy) of the experience and the gratification. Even more so if his skin had some color to it, like a tan, or whatever. Is it something genetic? I don't know.

But, the saying "Tall dark, and handsome" feels WAY better than pasty & pale...
It seems very superficial... don't you think? Looks and all that... but, I suppose our genes are programmed to function a certain way at different periods in our lives. It's this way among animals as well that seek out sexual mates based on looks, or traits, or whatever...

By the time I was in High School, many of the girls I knew (in southern NJ from all over the county since I went to BCIT) were attracted to Puertorican guys. They could have any number of ethnic looks, to very pale skinned, to very dark skinned, or even mixed with African heritage. Usually, most of those guys had dark black curly hair. I was UTTERLY mad over this thick curly, shiny, gorgeous hair. Their eyes, their smiles, their casual ways... and, so were most girls... but, for whatever reason, they were uninterested in me.

I was VERY into a Boy Band "No Mercy" which had 3 super hot young guys. They mostly did cover songs of other dance music tracks, with Spanish Guitar, and dance beats. They are most known for "Where Do You Go?" cover song originally by "La Bouche".

I was also, BIG TIME, into reading Marvel Comic's "X-MEN". Anything, and EVERYTHING!

My favorite character of ALL the X-MEN was a character Kurt Wagner alias "Nightcrawler".

He was this German National that looked like a DEMON, used to be a in circus act as a freak acrobat, could telleport, was bilingual, and despite his Gargoyle/Demon look and fuzzy indigo skin, he was a Christian and even was a Monastery monk at 1 point. The X-MEN themselves were very interesting characters on their own, but this one was my absolute favorite. He had the Dark curly hair, pointed ears, glowing eyes, a long prehensile tail, he could walk on walls like Spider Man. He was a TOTAL gentleman, Happy-go-lucky, friendly, the Welcoming person, the witty joke-maker. He cheered everyone up. He was well read, and he even was a swashbuckler. (So much like the stuff I like! I even took fencing.)


I even had a subscription to "Excalibur" (The British X-MEN team) which Kurt eventually became the leader of.

My favorite depictions of this character were by Alan Davis, whom is my ALL TIME favorite Comic Book "Penciler" Artist EVER! I learned SO MUCH by studying his style. He's SO GOOD!
(The photo I have here of Nightcrawler is ALSO by Alan Davis! ^_^ See how good his work is?)



Lila 1996-98 by ~BlackUniGryphon on deviantART

So, as I was formulating what kinds of Romantic interests I might have for Lively, it also would depend upon my own personal tastes, which I could be sure about, but then find something else later on to make me rethink what I actually liked, or actually wanted...

When I was younger, religion was a big influence on me. But, I would also gravitate to guys which were more intellectual, had some diversity to them, and especially was attracted more & more to foreigners.

Mostly, is started as European men. I'd had just so many very frustrating, disappointing, and hurtful experiences with American White men, that I was very fed-up with them. I was preferring a more Romantic & thoughtful European kind of guy. But, My relationship with my ex in Germany was a long distance one, and after a while, as I went to college, I'd felt his version of religion wasn't working out for me. By 2000/2001, I no longer had an interest in any organized religion, and had been switching to a more "New Age" faith, even tho' I still liked Jesus, or things he'd allegedly taught about Altruism, or Agape. And, like Jesus whom was friends with Marcus The Roman Pagan, I also was friends with numerous Pagans. Remember, Christianity is SUPPOSED to be about Love & Tolerance...

But, in my ex's  Lutheran Protestant cult, which was founded dating way back to Martin Luther himself, they STILL made women cover their heads like nuns or Muslims, and dress a certain way like skirts or dresses only, in "assembly". They had rules about what you could, or couldn't watch, and banned TVs, techno, secular films, etc. My ex was 85% deaf, and had hearing aids. Among the deaf community in Germany EVERYONE listens to TECHNO because it's THE ONLY THING THEY CAN ACTUALLY HEAR.
Talk about utter Intolerance! What's with all the rules?

yet, everyone else in Germany was partying with "Free Love", and immodesty, nudism, body pride health, liberal sexuality, etc...  "Love Parade", and it was very open, friendly, and loving...

But, there's a whole other chunk of the story I didn't mention yet.

 

Sex... 

Christian religions have too many idiosyncrasies about sex, interpretations, and re-interpretations. Old & New Testament clash with 1 another...

As a teenaged girl, I was often confused about sex. There was stuff in the religion, but then, people would say 1 thing, and do another anyway... or say it in church, and not follow it in real life.... then, there was school, which was very liberal or moderate, and the ideas about sexuality weren't demonized at all... then, there was pop culture which was massively sexualized. There was AIDS, there was a mass campaign in the media to WEAR CONDOMS. There were my peers becoming sexually active at ages 12/13, and talking about how great it was.

I was very scared about sex. I mean, at age 12 & 13, I just wanted to still play with my Barbies, go roller skating, watch Batman cartoons, and have ice cream sundaes. I didn't want to have a boy touch me, or take off my clothes...

When I was in high school, I was 1 of the only virgin girls I knew for a long time. I didn't even start until I was 16, and I was massively disappointed. There I was, day in & day out hearing all of my peers discussing all this great stuff about sex, and yet my own experience was so horrible.

And, my boyfriend in my sophomore year didn't want me. He wanted 1 of my best friends. He also had no sexual interest in me. This happened 3 times in a row. Meanwhile sooooooooo many guys that were interested in me I'd felt no interest in them. I just didn't have any feelings at all...

So, I was even more frightened of sex.... I tried again once with another friend, and another... and, I didn't understand what the problem was. I remember crying in September 1997 after trying with a guy that I had worked briefly with me... There was nothing pleasurable about the experience. And, I couldn't have an orgasm... 


I thought there was something wrong with me...
I couldn't understand it, because my body, my hormones, my urges, were all still there... but, intercourse its self was just horrible. I thought my body didn't work, or something was wrong with me.

So, when it came to sexual interaction, I mainly just stayed away from intercourse, and was more interested in petting, hand/finger play, touching, etc. I found that if I was open & upfront about this to a guy that mutually wanted to hook-up with me, that he was totally fine with that, and the experience could be very enjoyable, physically and pleasurably...

During that whole sort of self exploration of getting to know just what exactly I wanted, there was a pattern that came and went whether I'd noticed it or not...

Since I was a kid, I liked to watch action movies about Martial Arts, Kung Fu, and so on... My dad did, my brothers did. We used to watch movies by Belgian action star Jean-Claude Van Damme. We also watched any and every B movie out at the time with Martial Arts. Then, 1 day, my father's friend came to visit him while we were watching Van Damme and he laughed at us. We'd though Van Damme was such a great hero on screen, but this guy just laughed & laughed and talked about how much he stunk.

What???

He told us: No! No! No! If you want to see a real action star, and REAL Martial Artist Master you should go to the video rental store and find movies by Bruce Lee.

Who? What? Huh???

Then, over, and over: Bruce Lee! Bruce Lee this, and Bruce Lee that...

It didn't mean anything to me... I'd seen so many martil arts movies, I thought they were all good. But, what did I know?

Then, one day, my brother found out there was a video rental place that had movies staring Bruce Lee.

So, he got Mom to rent some, and took them home for us to watch.....

OH MY GOD!!!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes!

After that it was Van WHO???

How could anyone stand to watch Van Damme after Bruce Lee?

But, I was really young when that happened. I didn't look at men as sexual objects back then...

Then, when I was in middle school, there was a movie about Bruce Lee called "Dragon; The Bruce Lee Story" staring Jason Scott Lee. It was a movie I'd been looking forward to watching very much. We got it on pay per view, and I watched it over and over.

The 2nd week after I'd gotten it, I was on the bus and the girls were talking about when men (movie stars or pop stars) were the hottest. And, they went through the list... all White men, like 90210 stuff... And, a popular girl, named Amanda blurted out Jason Scott Lee which shocked everyone. Then she went on & on about his body in THAT movie, and how naked he was, and then oddly enough the other girls agreed. It sticks out in my mind so strongly... What a concept!

I remember thinking to myself that I agreed. It was TOTALLY true. The man was incredibly hot! So, when I went home and watched the film again, I was looking at it from a different perspective. The film a had a strong inter racial theme to it anyway... but, the idea that I'd ALSO found this man to be an attractive looking man was something very new to me, and I wasn't the only girl to agree with this idea either.

From the time I was about 15 or 16 there were some Asian guys that had an interest in me. Why me, I don't know... but, at that time, I mostly ignored it, or was oblivious to it... I'd generally had no interest in Asian guys at the time... other than very attractive, muscular, glamorous, nearly naked Asian men on the TV screen. Like Russel Wong in Vanishing Son.

I'd dated a Korean guy when I was 17, but he was sort of crazy in the head, and it didn't go well. And, I didn't know if I wanted to date Asian guys, or not.

But, by the time I began working at a movie theater in the summer on 1997 just before I'd turned 18, I took a look around and took notice of my VERY attractive Asian male coworkers. They didn't behave like the stereotypes either. Very funny, easy-going, sometimes cocky, but even talked about deep thinking, current events, music, culture and more.... You're supposed to "be professional" on the job, but it was so good to work with such fun & friendly people anyway. Every day was great because you can be among such sexy guys, and never feel nervous to talk to them... That job was full of a diverse group of persons. And, I loved them all...

I was on the fence. You're not supposed to do anything with your coworkers, really, even tho' there were 2 couples that worked there, and several persons dated each other. I was against it. I'd also had a boyfriend in Germany. My whole reason to work there was to raise the money to go to Germany....

But, temptations still happen...

I couldn't decide what I wanted, if I wanted it or not, or if I should just stick to my principle...

But, when a man wants something, he will come at it in full force, over & over, persistently... And, man, did he ever!



He was crazy, you know... mental... not right in the head at times... then, add on hormones... volatile, unpredictable...

I could resist, resist, resist... and then, suddenly, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???

Stupid! Brash! Jerk!

And, then, somehow, I'm in his arms again!

Or...

In the dark!
Vulnerable...
All alone!

I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!

But, then... my dreams betray me...
My thoughts betray me....

And, when he clutches me, my own body betrays me...

Everyone loved him too. At work he had everyone believe he was an easy-go-lucky person, an Alpha Male, and the most popular person there. Everyone wanted to BE HIM, be LIKE him, and be around him... and, I couldn't help it either...

I was utterly INSANE about him, but utterly in denial over it...

And, yet, when he was alone with me, he was someone else in at least 2 variations of extremes... the very intense predator, to the very meek & timid wounded being... and, he could switch from one to the other at any moment... There was just something about his eyes, the way he looked at me... not anyone else... and his smile.

But, his approach to me was all wrong...
I wasn't the only one either...

-and, I feel utterly used, deceived, and womanized.

Then, one day he just up & left...
He'd gone out of his way to make everyone think he's cared about them, missed, them, etc... only years later to tell me what he really actually thought of them all, point blank....

Before he left, he even cried to me, and told me he loved me...
How the heck did I ever fall for that?
How did I actually ever think this person was my friend? Or that he'd cared about me, or anyone else?
I wasn't a friend to him, in his mind... not someone he'd actually loved, or cared about...  I wasn't even a human being to him, let alone even a person....
I was just a thing to him... 

His idea of being respectful to me is not talking about it... covering it up, etc... But, I think a real motive for not telling about it is because it implicates him, and guilt...

Ironically, this guy used to beg me to have sex with him, and pressure, and so on... but, whenever I'd either consent to it, or actually want to, he would change his mind. Then, he said he just wanted to hold me, so I lay they with him in my arms while he was shaking.  The whole thing was ridiculous.

Why he could NEVER keep plans with me, but make plans and hang out with others, ALWAYS stood me up, and NEVER kept a promise to me, yet be good to everyone else is beyond me. But, whenever he on the spot wanted attention from me, he'd pressure me until I gave in, filled up my in-box with letters either pestering me, or just being foolish. And the ONLY 2 times he's actually showed up on a plan with me, was BECAUSE I NAGGED HIM.

Yet, with him was many, many firsts for me... none of which were an orgasm...

The first time I was alone with him, after he'd annoyed me to death, I finally asked him to. But, he was utterly afraid, and scared out of his mind once I was finally alone with him. So, I didn't know what to do other than massage his shoulders, which was what he'd said he wanted, and agreed to. But, after a long time alone with him like that, he went through the very first time I would notice him "switching" and he became this other man. He turned around and looked at me, in my eyes, then he said "Come here." But, I did nothing. Then, he abruptly grabbed me, and kissed me. I was really scared. And, after he kissed me, he began tearing my clothes off. This sort of became his signature, in how he could remove clothing very quickly in just a few really violent tugs, pushing & pulling me very roughly. And, then, he would ask me several questions, like whether I liked it, or him, and so on, constantly asserting a power dynamic, which was utterly terrifying. And, yet, somehow, he could work me up into not only liking him, but enjoying him.

At one point, he asked me "Did you come?" which I didn't understand. I had only ever heard this word used for men before. I was either too young, or too inexperienced.  But, he kept asking me. I didn't know what to say because he seemed to value whatever it meant, so I said "yes". But, I can tell you the truth was actually "no" because I am old enough NOW to understand what it means.

When I was in college, age 19, I started to date a Vietnamese playboy bodybuilder in Graphic Arts at my school. (He was also a martial artist, flower gardener, and a sushi chef)  And, that was my very first orgasm. Several actually. "The Big O."

I would go with him each night for about 2 months, and go at it for hours, several times in a row until about 4-5AM, go to sleep then wake up a few hours later, shower, and go to classes, then go meet him again for dinner and do it all over again. Where I got all the energy to do that is beyond me...But, it's totally true. TOTALLY.

Then, I dated more frequently on a casual manner. I dated several types of ethnic or foreign men. This 1 guy was hell-bent on marrying me, which I gave-in to marry eventually which was the WORST decision EVER. He turned into someone else once I married him, and he left n went to Oklahoma, and used me to get his parents to come here from China. He was mentally ill, so i can pardon him for having a medical issue... but, he abused me terribly, and also would try to use religion there as well, but went around fucking whomever he wanted in less than a full week. But, what can I say? A person of sound mind & body, let alone self respect, wouldn't behave that way, right?

When I married that guy, it was like every man in the world was trying to get me to hook-up with them. I even had a wedding ring, and told them; "I'm married.' to which they're reply: 'He doesn't have to know." which would piss me off! The wedding ring used to burn my skin also...

But, once I divorced him, it was as tho' since this guy didn't want me, then no-one else did for about 3 months. Even my female friends barely spoke to me.....

But, then, I went into online dating, which back then, people thought was "scarey" or unsafe, and NOW EVERYONE DOES IT!!!!! Go fig'! I used mostly "Yahoo! Dating" personals, or "Asian Friend Finder". I made sure never to date a religious man EVER AGAIN, because it was always a lie, or he had some kind of issue and wanted to USE his scripture to control me, but never abide by it for himself...

So, I went wild dating. I would have up to 2 different dates per day depending on whether I had classes, or it was a weekend. I went to casinos, night clubs, dance Clubs, and men would drive, fly, or take a train to see me from all up & down the east Coast, or even people visiting from over seas to the local universities. I liked Asian men best, especially Chinese, and especially if they were educated and born over seas that were either attending university or had an established career. back then, not many women were interested in Asian men, so I had the pick of the litter. I even made videos on YouTube about it in my 20s. Now, if I go back to Philly it's very common to see interracial dating of Asian men with non-Asian women.

By the time I was booking so many dates to my heart's content I couldn't give a shit whether this or that guy NOW wanted me.... it was too late, and I blew them all off. Good-bye!

If a man REALLY wants you he'll give it a really good persistent try. If not, then don't bother with him.

So, if you're wondering what I like? Well, I definitely LIKE MEN.

I like men that can behave themselves, have self control, have AT LEAST my level of IQ, OR HIGHER, otherwise I find I just can't respect him if all he cares about is JUST Football or sports. I like men that have an actual understanding of ethics & philosophy, and Not some made-up blanket version of a concept that somehow 'virtue' only means what does or doesn't happen between a woman's legs, and WHO does it to her. Because I ACTUALLY know what a "virtue" is, as well as it's antithesis being a "vice".

At the same time, I ALSO don't like men that are rigid, strict, inflexible, arrogant, or stuck on themselves. I like genuine, tried & true persons, but can keep secrets. I like a balance of playfulness, witty, sense of humor, but NOT obnoxious, a sense of humbleness, but not a coward. I especially like activists, and civil disobedients, men that are clever, kind, and have the right balance of gentleness & strength especially inside of their minds. I don't like men that are aloof, doofy, smokers, reckless, drug dealers, addicts, thieves, or frauds. I like intellectuals, deep thinkers, creative & artistic, as well as musical including DJs, or tech savvy folks, including programmers so long as they're not douchey pricks.

So, anyways... I haven't entirely decided on a perfect guy for Lively yet... I don't want her with some jerk that uses her, nor one that neglects her.