It'd definitely not my best painting work. But, I'm so entirely out of practice. My spouse also threw away decades worth of paint brushes, vintage irreplaceable brushes, and vintage paints/pigments.
I'm also not a fan of painting on rough canvas, I like smoother ones, or illustration board... but, for landscape paintings I think either canvas paper, or canvas pages are good.
Here's the first try:
But, I really hated it. I went through hours upon hours for days worth of researching references.
I also was frustrated with my crappy quality brushes, paints/pigments, and my spouse's annoying compulsive need to feel in control over everything just killed and/or "interrupted my creative flow".
I wish art worked like a clock... but, it doesn't... not ur real art (the stuff ur not employed to do which had a different motive in being created).
When it comes to PAINTING I like to have a nice set up, that's all set up, free, and open, secure, and stable to flow... if that makes sense to you, GOOD. If not, don't know what else to tell you...
The act of setting up, and putting away, is cumbersome, annoying, meticulous, and drains me... so, I'll either get obsessed with every friggin detail of that, or get FED UP with all of that, that I become reckless, irritable, irritated, and drained from doing that, that it bothers my process.
As an artist, my spouse is the exact polar opposite, and I HATE IT.
So, I finally went back to try fixing up and repainting it after checking who knows how many styles of painting techniques FOR JUST CLOUDS, 2 days later...
The constant pestering me to PAINT PAINT PAINT "ARE YOU GONNA PINT?" or "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA PAINT?" was just so unbearably irritating and pressurizing, plus the fact that I ALSO STILL HAVE A LUNG INFECTION, and I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE GYM which I paid out big dollars to get a membership to, have massive panic over getting diabetes since I'm getting older, and him PESTERING THE SHIT out of my to GO TO THE GYM that I don't understand WHY HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND! Also, in his mind, he thinks he's being helpful, supportive, etc...
When i first GOT my gym membership I was SO HAPPY! I was pestering HIM to drive me EVERY DAY, then I GOT SOME VIRUS, and just when I was recovering from it, I got sick again even worse 3 days later!
I'm so FED UP with poverty. It's like poverty is a disease its self!
AND, since OI was sick, I couldn't apply for jobs, because I had no voice, and had puss coming out of me, and coughing. HOW long do u need to be married to a person to finally "get it" that I HEAL SLOW when it comes to respiratory illnesses???? Plus, add onto that the INSANE weather, the blizzards, and the perpetual cold, arctic winds, and deep freezes we just had! I can;t even go outside! The windchill is too cold! I'm an asthmatic. But, he will reak the fuck out when the kid has a toy that MIGHT agitate her asthma, or get up early in the morning to warm up the car, so she might not get an asthma problem... WTF?
Anyways, I went back 2 days later, and reworked it... this time I just fell back on some color theory... I couldn;t really get the painting to look like I wanted in my mind, but when I tried working with the colors based on the limited palet I have, and went with the color theory, it looked/felt a bit batter.
Since he was being such a snit over my paints being set up at the table, and I'm guessing it offended his ego's extended sense of control perceptions of his reality... I dunno... I just don't friggin' feel like fighting... because if I start fighting, I'm bringing the house down... and it's not worth it.
Also, my university application had some hick-ups which he also wants to be micro manager of, like I'm some helpless idiot child...
So, I moved it to the corner of the room where my daughter's computer used to be.
But, it's such an awkward spot, that I can't feel myself always wanting to go there...
I started another painting... then let it dry... But, I kinda "lost my vision" and lost my mojo...
Strangely, I actually felt the urge to work on it tonight... but, he kept saying he wanted to work in that corner tonight... 4-5 hours have already passed as I write this and he still hasn't...
I wanted to practice some clouds, or try some different ideas... but, I can't see them anymore...
I was wanting to do some scenes from my old concept storyboards.
But, my story concepts are kind of evolving... the fantasy aspect of it, is actually going a bit further now in my mind...
And, I think I want perhaps a Binary solar system, and extra satellites (moons) in the skies.
I keep seeing it in my mind that way.... and, it looks prettier each time I see it.
I need/want more "weird" and kind of strange, but beautiful....
Here's some weird inspirational references:
I went through a lot of stuff on DeviantART and put some stuff in 1 of my folder in my Favorites.
I also have a lot of stuff I found, and put into my FAVORITES on Flickr, including clouds, aerial, wide angle, dawn and dusk.
I pretty much know the gist of what I want, and sometimes its very clear, and other times its vague. Trying to get it just right, or getting it more well planned and thought out is a process I'm still trying to work out. I also don't have the music I want.
Some weird old 90s stuff from my teenage-hood:
I like this... its kinda old and dated, but I still like it. But, I don't want my story/film to look like this. I have my own ideas. Not interested in a beach scene. Nope. But, it has that "weird" and beautiful aspect I like.
Also, even tho' I utterly LOVE this song, it's not the music style I want for this scene either.
This is closer to what style I want, but I want to create a new original musical piece (BTW also 90s):
I've been trying to find an old vintage cable TV commercial for the Sci-Fi Channel from the '90s with the geese and the weird planets in the sky... But, I can never, ever find it. :(
