Friday, April 24, 2015

Nixies Inspired (2 Tailed Mermaids)

I keep intending to do my blog entry about my "Black Unicorn" symbolism, and then finally, a following entry on the whole Black UniGryphon symbolism... but, I keep getting sick every few weeks. It's enough to make me crazy. But, in truth the one about the Black Unicorn will take quite a long time, and no doubt take at least a whole day, or longer just to type up... and quite a lot of energy...

Regardless, I've been busting from the seems this month despite being sick twice. I gotta go back AGAIN to the doctor tomorrow...

But, I've already written a bit on my Main Art Blog. <----<<<

This is a bit of a spin-off from my oldest project/concept which is my "Eyewitness" endeavor.
Artistic DirectI cannot express my absolute, and utter distressing paranoia, nor what it feels like other than panicky, of someone trying to steal or rip-off my ideas on a corporate level, or even a community level, before I ever get a chance to do anything with my own ideas... and I've seen it happen a number of times already.... and I do not want to get into the details of it either... because their are legal issues with "inspired by" which is a legal way of taking someone else's ideas.

I feel less panicked about my Eyewitness project because people gloss over it, and can;t think so much in concepts that tend to brows the internet... it just looks like a mess of stuff to people, because they can't see the whole picture... also since I tend to keep most of the ideas, stories, and concepts to myself...

But, my double tailed mermaids/nixies/Melusine stuff really catches the eyes of people... another reason why I ONLY publish rough and unfinished versions of it...
Despite my paranoia, the inspirations for this newer directions of this stuff has been taking on its own life, growing and expanding all year, but especially since March and early in April...

I just kept seeing the images inside my mind... some were vague, and then they kept floating around in my mind, and I became lost in day-dreams, and the little Nixies would become more... It would just seem that as they kept swirling about in my mind, while I lay sick in bed, I kept having the urge to draw or sketch, and kept fighting it... but, the more I fought it, the more it continued until I finally had to sketch something....

I figured nothing would happen, and I'd just scratch around with my pencil.... but, I began researching all kinds of images to help me reach my potential visions to pour out onto the page...

This was the one that really wanted to come out, big time. This was on my mind the entire month, and there is much more to the scene (think cinematic and animation). But, I spent over half a day on it, and expected to me done with it......

But, the ideas had ideas of their own... and next thing I knew, yet another sketch came out....

This is only a quick gesture sketched page which only took a few min to do, but I was shocked at how easily it just HAPPENED onto the page... I've been so out of practice, so I was shocked that anything at all would happen!

But the "energy" and the momentum of the whole situation just kept swirling about me, like a vortex....

and, it was as tho' any video, or peice of media I'd come across would be JUST THE THING to sparck something else from it, and me.

My original concept had JUST been about a short musical piece with the Nixies as a small animated short for my "Eyewitness" project. I wasn't sure exactly HOW I would fit it in, but I had some vague ideas... on the other hand, I still wanted to do my own version of a Fantasia like the one from 1940. But, yet again, I had no clue about how I ought to EVER do that.....yet.

But, this whole Nixie thingy is starting to become its own version of a Fantasia-like performance of short performances....

I have a number of other concepts, and they ALL involve music. I already have very clear concept of how I want the music to sound, be composed, and a number of details.

And, what came very abruptly full force into my mind was a concept for my Diva Nixie Melusine.

She isn't quite done yet, but, she is getting there...

She will be very large, and like a Colossus, and bronze with dark "big hair' which is VERY CURLY and bushy, and very voluptuous, with muscular arms, and preform (effects animation) magic theatrical tricks with minimal animation on herself.
I almost even have the words of the main song she will sing.

I want her to have a voice similar to Alison Moyet.

I also have a "black and white" piece I want to do, which will take a while to work out.

I also wish my Nixies to be viewed as ART, and not low-brow cheap trash.

If I had my ultimate wish I would create my full length theatrical version and premiere it in Vienna, with a full orchestra symphony with electronic components, and dancers.

I have concepts for animated shorts, a theatrical full length version, and a mini-series version, as well as a "kid friendly" version. But, also as a live dance show/concert version with 2 types; a dressed down version, and a full theatrical, dramatic version with props, and puppets.


Tokyo Otaku Mode Inc.
Artisteer - DNN Skin Generator
Toon Boom Animation
Toon Boom Animation

Monday, April 20, 2015


OMG! Who the heck is this chick, Blake Lively??? Her birthday is 2 days before mine, and Lively isn't even her real name, but articles called her by name as "Lively"!

Apparently, her real name is Blake Ellender Brown! 

And, she's a hair bleacher!!!!! ARG!!!!! 

Hey! No stealing my stuff! I made my character, and her name back in Middle school in the early 1990s! 


I've never even heard of any of these movies, either! No wonder I've never heard of this chick! 

I'm SO MAD!!!!!!!!! 
I'm the original!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Smashing Hearts!

So, on a morbid note, I have no idea why, but on the past few years I've had this gleefully morbid thing I do: drawing smashed n broken hearts in February... I guess it's because Saint Valentine's day is very commercialized, and I;d rather do stuff for my kid, that even tho' I like Romance, and Romantic things or ideas, I sort of hate Valentine's Day.

So, I have a cheeky, bratty, smart-alec part of me wants to come out..

Here's Vince & Andy (Erasure) smashing a HEART! LOL!

For my daughter, I made this ULTRA SIMPLE heart which u can also share on Deviant Art if u wanted to...

Anyways.... It's Chinese New year, and we're more stoked about that rather than Valentine's, but my mom bought everyone some T-Shirts in Fort Worth... she's a sweety lately.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

My Personal Symbolism of the Unicorn: Later Childhood

Tokyo Otaku Mode Inc.

When I was a very young child I was very terrible in my school studies and grades. I had A.D.D., but they didn't test for it. They just said I was "learning disabled". This seems a really strange sort of idea, because I was actually very bright, and today among my peers I'm usually referred to as "the smart one", "egg head", "Geek", "nerd", or even in derogatory as "know-it-all". But I was also highly sensitive (and still am). I have acute senses, such as sight, hearing, sense of smell, and taste, and I was a very finicky child, because my sense of taste and smell were so sensitive that I couldn't handle too much flavors in food, or most strong smells, and chemicals in paints, the gasoline stations, and cleaners would make me VERY SICK with extreme headaches, or severe nausea. My parents told me I was "being overly dramatic", but my English Grandmother, my baby brother, my Aunt, and my daughter also have this. I was easily distracted, and my mind is very busy, and fast, while I can often think about several things, without realizing it simultaneously, and also be hyper aware of things around me in detail, such as birds outside the window, cars that I can hear far away but others can't, and tags on my shirts or pants were so irritating to my skin that I had to cut all of them out as a child. My daughter is the same way, but she has ADHD and has a more acute version of what I have.

I also had a VERY major ability, or habit, to day dream. My day-dreams were so real, and so vivid that I could totally "blank out". I was totally awake, and my ears were aware that I could hear things occurring around me, like inside a classroom, and I could see everything, but my attention and focus would become so immersed in my day dreams as tho' it was real life. I actually KNEW the entire time that I was daydreaming, but I would also day-dream about my actual situation within reality, and my imagination would just run away with it. I would day dream about the desks and chairs growing very tall, and we would have our lesson at the ceiling, or that I could go outside with the birds and squirrels, and fly away with them, or that the classroom became a musical. I could sit still, generally, but I could sometimes fidget. But, I could just NEVER get my school work done, ever. Unless a teacher was doing it with me, I couldn't finish anything..... unless it was interesting, like art.On the bus rides to and from school, I would stare out the window and imagine unicorns running along side the bus, or out in the woods, meadows, etc.

I also doodled on all of my worksheets, papers, and notebooks. I didn't draw on my desk like "naughty kids" did, nor in my text books, because that was "naughty" and according to my religion at the time, that was seriously bad & sinful, because it was vandalism. The Sunday schools I had gone to had scared me so badly, so I never drew in any textbooks, or school property, nor any kinds of graffiti, especially if it was communal or public property which belongs to everyone.

When I was a baby/toddler my parents and family often told about how as a child, I never crawled. I just stood up one day, and started walking. It often seems like a metaphor or theme in my life, because at many points in my life, many things were just skipped over, and I found myself doing things people whom were older than me were doing, or people with more experience were doing. That's kind of because I was a prodigy at many things, even tho' I didn't know it. I couldn't understand why I could do things my peers couldn't or even things most adults also couldn't do. Well, in my Kindergarten they noticed some things about me, and when my Mom told them I never crawled, and just stood up & walked, they were concerned, so they made me do lots of trials, tests, and leave my classroom for "therapy" to make me play games to crawl around. It was thought that this would increase my abilities with hand-eyes coordination.However, being that I could draw exceptionally well, I don't understand why they thought this "hand-eye coordination" thing.

Why would they do this? Well, I had trouble with many letters such as the letter "d" and the letter "b". I couldn't always tell them apart. (I also HATE IT when people write the number 2 like a backwards 6.) I used to write my name as "Zindleman" when it's actually "Zimbleman". I couldn't tell the difference until someone pointed it out to me. Also, my acute sense of sight allows me to fixate on objects better than most people, and I have above average eye sight, however I am more farsighted, meaning I can see very well things far away. The muscles in my eyes that people use to read are the muscles I use to visually see every day. Therefore, I read VERY SLOWLY. The speed at which I can read is about slightly faster than the speed of reading out loud... that's slow. (But that doesn't mean I'm "slow" in the mind at all.) Altho' I tend to be very much a "visual learner", I am also, very much an "audio learner". (In fact, one of my favorite things to do while working on my projects, or art projects since the 2000s was to download free audio recordings or Podcasts of lectures from colleges, universities, or various educational audio records or audio books, and have them play while I was doing my art, or projects, because I could easily learn & absorb the information by ear while doing working with my hands, and doing other things. I think anyone could eventually also learn to do this over time.)

Well, all that testing I did, which was rigorous but disguised as games and playtime, was partly to determine whether I was dyslexic. That was in the early 1980s. And, I was tested several times over the years. They determined, officially, that I was not dyslexic. The trouble is all of the tests were visual, and I am an artist. So, naturally, I passed the tests with flying colors. I found out when I was about 17-18 that I actually was dyslexic, but there was no category for what I had. I'd also discovered that many artists were undiagnosed dyslexics. I don't need glasses to read, but I had reading glasses because reading too much can hurt my eyes, and give me terrible headaches when my eyes become exhausted. But, I often read, especially online.

The other thing I loved very much as a child was Science, especially DINOSAURS! I memorized everything I could about dinosaurs, and I could also pick up vocabulary words very easily. (later in my teens I used this skill to learn languages on my own, and to self learn, or self teach) I could learn music very easily, and played violin, and the recorder (a woodwinds instrument), and briefly played guitar in music class.

By the time I was in 6th grade, I was put in a small experimental class, of 3 girls, and 3 boys in which the girls competed against the boys. It was in that classroom that I realized I was actually much smarter than I thought. I also realized I could out-think, and outscore people in science, or debates in social studies.

It was in those classes that we were motivated to do quite a lot of work, but also on our own. Sure, the teachers, and aids were always there to help us, guide us, or nudge us, but I was often motivated to do it all on my own. I'd done things on my own before, but this really put it into perspective, and in a format. I was also on the Honor Roll frequently by then.

One of the assignments we had was to choose a NONFICTION BOOK of ANY TOPIC and to write an entire report on it. 
I was very clever... I liked Unicorns, and I found out there were some Nonfiction books about the folklore of unicorns in historical contexts. 
One of the books was "The Truth About Unicorns" by James Cross Giblin. And, that was when I learned about all the folklore of Unicorns throughout history. (BTW: I got a A++)

LEGO The Lord of the Rings
Empire: Total War - Gold Edition
Folklore: The Unicorn And The Maiden

Since ancient times allegories were very popular. In Europe in Medieval and Renaissance periods these were exclusively only allowed to be of religious meanings. Anything that was previously pagan would be changed to mean Christian, or Biblical meanings. Many symbols included lions, unicorns, dragons, maidens, the sun, the moon, the stars, swords, Holy Trinity, birds, and many other things.

Specifically the Unicorn allegorically represented the Christ, or Jesus, as well as The Holy Trinity.

A common theme was the unicorn, which mentioned in the Bible was fierce & deadly when provoked, but in the lore of the European Unicorn was that it was male, an innocent. If you wanted to catch one, you needed a Virgin, or Young Maiden, to lure and entice the unicorn. Then, The unicorn would see the maiden, fall in love and wander over to her, and fall asleep with it's head in her lap. Once it was asleep, the unicorn was vulnerable, and could be slain, or captured.

Unicorns were known to preform miracles, such as healing all ailments, transmuting poisons and venoms, and purify the air, water, and food. Thus, the alicorns (the horns of the unicorns) were highly prized for it's magical and divine abilities to allegedly do all of these things. (The alicorns were actually usually tusks from Narwhal wales, elephants, or Rhinoceros.)

Ergo, the slaying of the unicorn was fraught with Romance, and Romantic themes of being "betrayed by love", "innocence", or sacrificed to death to heal humans. Songs, poems, stories, and artwork depicting these themes were common at the time, tho' most are lost forever.

Ye Olde Unicorns of Yore, were always white, hence the religious allegory of Christ. The white symbolized the "pure", "purity", "untainted", "sinless", "virginity", "uncorrupted", "innocence".

Unicorns were often depicted alone, wandering around the wild, and could be depicted as gentle, and elegant, but very fierce when attacked. They had VERY long alicorns (horns) which was supposed to represent the connection to God in the Heavens. The tail was like a lion, and the body was dear-like, with cloven hooves, and a head like a horse. They could also be depicted slightly goat-like as well.

The Maiden could represent those things also, but could also represent Mary, whom was the Virgin Mother of Jesus Christ. These themes are full of all kinds of symbolisms, allegories, and meanings. That style was meant to be that way. And, to look into the artwork was to notice all of the things in the pictures which meant many things. This was how they would "teach", or minister to the illiterate masses.

A film from the 1980s was "Legend" by Ridley Scott (my favorite artistic director) which depicts many of these themes. The luring of the unicorn by a Maiden, innocence,  the slaying of a unicorn. Light vs. Darkness, love, etc.

Thus began my own incorporation of this theme into my own artwork. 

Unicorns almost always seem to be associated with young maidens, girls, or even children. Well, hopefully NOW you know somewhat about why. If you want to learn more, you can read the book I mentioned above in the blog entry.

In that same book I also learned about other varieties of Unicorns in various cultures, like China & Japan.

Other books which I found were very good: There was an issue in the mid 1980s of a children's magazine called "Cricket" which had many of these folklore stories about many kinds of unicorns throughout world history including Asia. And a similar book called "All About Unicorns" which was also a hardcover Nonfiction book. (I also wrote another report based on that book about a year later.)

This traditional European white unicorn was very apparent with me, and used quite a lot by me, and I was totally fine by it. But, it started to shift to Black Unicorns. I never thought that would happen because I was religious when I was younger, and the ideas about black vs. white seemed concrete... but, all of that shifted when the symbolisms expanded, and changed...

But, I think I shall save THAT for another entry of it's own.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

My Personal Symbolism of the Unicorn: Early Childhood

Tokyo Otaku Mode Inc.
My Personal Symbolism of the Unicorn 

Since I was about 4 or 5 years old, in the early 1980s, I saw a movie on HBO called "The Last Unicorn" which was not only based on the novel by Peter S. Beagle, but he also wrote the screenplay/script for the film as well. I saw it early in the morning, on a Saturday. It was around the time we first got pay-TV (Cable TV) and also got our very first VCR/VHS.

I recall that it was a film I'd VERY MUCH wanted to see. I don't know why, just that it was something I wanted to see.

Why? Well, in the 1980s, in South Jersey (Greater Philadelphia) there was this great toy store franchise called "Kiddie City". It was so great that when you went there, they had turnstiles at the entrance like a carnival, or amusement park, and when you went inside it was wall-to-wall toys, and other fun stuff, including video games, video tapes, and anything fun you could think of for a child or teenager in the 20th Century. If I recall correctly, there were some Kiddie City locations in NJ, but also in Eastern PA. My Aunt lived in Eastern PA, and she would often buy these rubbery plastic clown figures that were Made in Hong Kong (in fact virtually ALL TOYS in the 1980s were made in Hong Kong). The little figurines were some kind of collectable series which was a thing in the 1980s. "Collect them all!" Even McDonald's and many other companies had collection gimmick campaigns to stimulate consumer demand, or revenue.

Anyways, one of the clown figurines was a Unicorn.
It was named Yuli or Uli. Even tho' anything my Aunt gave me was instantly my favorite, Uli was my ABSOLUTE favorite ANYTHING at that age! I took it EVERYWHERE! It was very small, and white, and had a cutesy, goofy face.

 And, one summer, I went shopping with my Aunt at a grocery store in PA, I think it was called Jewl-T or something, and as I was riding in the back of the cart, like little kids were allowed to do back then, I dropped my Unicorn! Shopping carts are made of chrome metal mesh, which is wide. It was SO TRAUMATIZING for me, even tho' I had several incidents in which I'd lost, or misplaced my Unicorn, my Aunt always could always find it, and I dropped it 3 times in that store.

The last time I dropped it was FOREVER, and I was always forever sad about it as a child. My Aunt always tried to find another Unicorn figurine, and I think she might've even called, and visited EVERY Kiddie City there was in the entire area... but to no avail...

So, I figure THAT is the reason why I LOVED UNICORNS SO MUCH. Hense, why I wanted to see "The Last Unicorn". In fact, I think it might've actually been HER, my aunt, whom told me about the film, and told my Mom... I don't specifically recall for sure...

Tokyo Otaku Mode Inc.

Well, that Saturday morning, I got up and manually turned on the analog TV (there were no remote controls yet for the TV, just the VCR). By the time I'd fiddled with it, and got it to work, I switched the dial, and came to HBO... and I must've had perfect timing, because I saw a BEAUTIFUL, elegant, unicorn. All the beautiful colors, and golden backgrounds, then, the next thing I knew, the song started to play.
And, I THOUGHT the movie was OVER!!!!! So, I started CRYING!!!!!

I was SO distraught because the movie was OVER! I thought it was over! Like, the end of the world! (I was only like 4 years old) I recall it being SO PAINFUL! And, I sobbed, and sobbed! And, it was like loosing Uli ALL OVER AGAIN! Ever see a child sob so much that they gasp hard,  and gulp air? Yeah, that was me...

Then, the image of the Squirrel came onto the screen, and the squirrel was crying too. You could see a tear form on the face of the squirrel! This only incited my epitome of despair even further! I sat there at the TV screen, crying at it, telling the unicorn to come back.

So, my Mom got out of bed, and came out to see what was going on, and looked at me crying.

"It's over! It's over! I missed it!"

My mom told me it was OK, or fine, and said I didn't miss it, or I could watch it again later. But, I cried & cried at the TV. It's forever etched in my memory...

...........but, there's a twist.... I actually hadn't missed it.

It wasn't the end of the film... it was actually the beginning. In the beginning of the film, there's an intro opening scene, and then it goes into the Opening Credits Scene, with credits on it, and the song "The Last Unicorn"

So, as I was transfixed with the TV, crying my eyes out, bawling, and reliving my trauma of loosing Uli all over again, the film kept playing.... and I realized it wasn't over... and as the unicorn spoke, I began to calm down, and sat on the floor, watching the film...  Yes, I'd made such a fuss about missing it, when I'd actually JUST turned on the TV at the EXACT right moment!

Later that day, after lunch, my mom went to the TV, rewound the tape, and put my little brother, Ken, in his playpen near the TV, and asked me to come into the living room, and watch the movie. She pushed "play", and I saw the HBO logo & Jingle, and the Parental Guidance Rating, and then, the movies started playing: "The Last Unicorn".

Yes, Super Mom, had actually programmed the VCR to record "The Last Unicorn", which was probably WHY it was even on the screen to start with, and I just happened to watch it just as it was starting.

The HBO version of the film was edited differently, but I didn't know that until sometime in the 1990s. However, I'd watched the HBO cut film version we had so much that I knew every line by heart, and can still quote & recite it to this day.

Unicorns became my symbol, even when I didn't even understand what a symbol was.

All the adults, neighbors, relatives, and people whom knew me through people that knew me, just KNEW that Kandy LOVED UNICORNS. So, anytime anyone noticed a unicorn, ANYWHERE they would call my mom and tell her about it, and we would go look at it. Whether it was a decoration, or an item in the store. And, people OFTEN would go out in the world, like on a vacation, and see a unicorn item, and BUY IT just for me. We lived in a different time, and that is HOW Middle Class folks were back then.

One day, I went with my mom & my Aunt to a Mall, I think it might've been the Burlington Center (NJ), or it could've been a mall in PA, I don't remember specifically, and whilest we were there, we came into a department store, and near the escalator, I saw these cute, tiny, little plushy unicorns!

They had a pink mane, pink alicorn (horn), a pink tail, and a pink choker, and were all white, with shiny eyes. The hind legs were small balls, and the forelegs were little pinches that were like a spring coil hinged clothes pin. And a tiny felt heart on it. I instantly saw them, and we HAD TO GET ONE for me. So, we spent a long time trying to find out how much they were, and no one in the store knew, and so much back and forth, because I wanted it really bad. They finally sold one to my mom, and also to my aunt, which I think was a yellow one instead of pink. She later gave it to me about a month later.

Then, for years, I always got these as gifts from my Grandmother, and random people whom knew my mother, or my aunt. I think they were made in Shenzhen China usually, maybe Taiwan and maybe Hong Kong sometimes. I had a purple one, a turquoise blue one, various rainbow colored ones. The body was usually white. And, I also had a brown horse one. Eventually, I think there was a wide variety of these, with farm animals, and Christmas, Halloween, and Spring/Easter characters as the years went by.

I don't even recall how many of these I had. People put them on their backpacks, purse straps, in their hair, their clothes, etc.

Tokyo Otaku Mode Inc.

By the time I was about 5 years old My Little Pony toys were a thing. I think it was "My Pretty Pony" first, which was larger, and I could never get one, because you couldn't find a store that sold it. Then, the My Little Pony toys came out, by Hasbro. I wanted one really bad, and they were popular, and often sold out. Then, they came out with  series of My Little Pony toys that were UNICORNS, but also ones with wings, like Pegasus, called "Pegasus ponies". (Another films I'd LOVED to watch on TV was "Clash of the Titans" which was often on TV in the Spring time.)

So, naturally, I was very vocal about HOW MUCH I wanted a Unicorn Pony!

My first 2 My Little Pony toys were Apple Jack, and Bowtie. Then, I FINALLY got a Unicorn: Sunbeam!

Anyways, before long I had a collection going. I still have all of my My Little Pony vintage toys. They are in my daughter's closet.

I have some other Unicorn, rubbery toys from Hong Kong that I got at Kiddie City. The horns broke off. But, those were my "boy unicorns" because they look male, and have red eyes, and look angry or raging. I named those Dick and Rick. Why? because I used to visit my mom's friend's house, whom was a Jehovah's Witness, (and we also were, briefly for a time) and I would visit my buddy Tamera whom was a mixed Mallotto girl (half Caucasian, and Half Black) and we would play with ponies, and unicorns. In her home she had a fairy tale story book, one of the only non-religious books, and it was very think, and had many many short stories with pictures. In one of the stories, it was about 2 boy unicorn brothers named Dick & Rick. And, I always asked her dad, her older sister, or her mom, to read that story to us, over and over. I also think another neighbor of mine had that book, and I would have the parents read it there as well. So, that is why the unicorns were named Dick & Rick.

Also, we had a vintage 1970s dictionary, and in it were pictures. If you turned to the page that had "unicorn" you could see the picture of a Unicorn in it, which I think I ripped out of the book.

For my birthday, when I turned 6, I had a My Little Pony birthday party. All of my relatives came, the decorations, plates, and everything were My Little Pony EVERYTHING!

All of my neighbor's kids were my friends in Willingboro, and we played with My Little Pony toys every day. I was like a film director, and staged many of the things we played. My mom used to watch, and laughed about it to her friends.

My Christmas gifts were almost entirely My Little Pony anything related toys and unicorns. The Dream Castle, Plushy My Little Pony Firefly, stickers, and anything unicorns. I had Unicorn pendant necklaces, charm bracelets, earrings (because my aunt got my ears pierced), T-Shirts, pillow cases, curtains, sheets, bed spreads, blankets. Stickers were a big one. I often got unicorn stickers, even from boys.

THE Ultimate My Little Pony everyone wanted was named Glory, a Purple and White Unicorn MLP, similar to the Queen Unicorn named Majesty, which I had, because I got the Dream Castle. All of the neighbor girls had Glory, but I didn't get one until my big birthday party.

Wholesale Party Supplies and Halloween Costumes
Then Saturday morning cartoons began to have unicorns also.

My Little Pony, and Dungeons & Dragons.  

Then, later on, came cartoons like Rainbow Bright, and She-Ra. Probably several others that I can't think of right now, but also anime movies like the Unico movies, which are really weird.

LEGO The Lord of the Rings

Unicorn Plushies

When I was in Kindergarten, in Willingboro NJ (Penny Packer) I was walking around at some playtime, and I saw a plushy unicorn in some kind of basket (we called them "stuffed animals" back then). So, I asked my teacher if I could play with it. She seemed very pleased that I asked, and said I could play with it. I was in love! I hugged it, and played with it, and was very happy. Then, at the end of school, when we packed up our stuff to leave, she asked to talk to me, so I went over to talk to my teacher, and she gave it to me. This sort of thing often happened to me at school, because it happened again in First grade, and again the following year.

I had several of these kinds of plushy unicorns, the ones made in the 1980s, and some in the late 1970s, which all had a distinct look to them. Usually white, with a yellow horn, made of 2 twisted pieces, and sometimes they had hooves, which were often yellow, or golden. Other times they could be turquoise blue or pink manes, or rainbow manes, and had a choker. My whole collection of these adorable unicorns I decorated my bed with before school when I made my bed, and often included Teddy bears (and I had loads of those also).

Birthday in a Box*

My Very First Actual Drawing: A Unicorn
Not only that, but the very first ACTUAL drawing I ever drew, when I was 4 years old was a Unicorn.

I have often told this story, and have blogged about it several times before, but I cannot find it.

One of my mom's friends had 3 kids, and one of the kids was named Jamie, whom was older than I was by a few years. So, I always wanted to play with her, even tho' she was sometimes naughty, and I wasn't. I think she was naughty because of her father, whom often terrorized them, and they even hid out at my house once, with cops guarding our house. I have no recollection what the dad looked like, just that he was a very bad, very scary, very disturbed, sadistic man.

When I was 4, not quite 5 yet, in the spring or early summer, Jamie wanted to draw. We often drew things, and she would teach me, or challenge me... but, I mostly just made "scribble-scrabbles" and imagined they were something. I drew all the time since I was old enough to hold a crayon or pencil, and scribble-scrabbled on every book, table top, or piece of paper I could find. It was like this insatiable aspect of my soul expressing myself. I had to write and doodle on everything. However, since I got in trouble for that, I stopped scribbling on the walls, and just scribbled inside of empty book pages, napkins, and envelopes, or bills on the desk.

Anyways, that day I sat on the patio with Jamie and we colored, and then she wanted to draw. So, we tried drawing things, to see if we could draw something that looked like something. She was much older than I was, maybe 2nd grade, and I was only 4, almost 5. 

She then suggested that we try to draw a Unicorn, because we both loved unicorns, and often watched The Last Unicorn together. She tried, then I would try, and both tries didn't quite look like a unicorn. We were only drawing the head. Then, she tried again. I thought to myself, no these don't look right. It doesn't look like a Unicorn, it looks like a rhinoceros. But, Also, I felt there were too many things missing from it. She forgot that the Unicorn's alicorn (horn) needed a spiral. She forgot to draw the nostril. And, she didn't draw the ears. So, on my next try, I drew all of those things. She agreed that it looked better, but we both agreed it didn't look right. So, she tried again. But, still, it didn't look right.

So, on a few more tries, I drew both ears, showing perceptive of 1 ear behind the other, and Jamie also trying to figure out how to draw it. The paper began to fill up with unicorn heads, that didn't look like unicorns, but like rhinoceroses.

So, I stood back a moment, perplexed, and trying to analyze what it was about the unicorns that was wrong... I did all the details right, but something just wasn't right. I knew it was something wrong with the horn. It just wasn't right. And, looked like a Rhino. I even said that to Jamie, but even tho' she agreed, she would still ignore what I said because she was an older kid, and still thought she was more right.

Then, it hit me! Aha! It's the horn! It needs to go UP, and be drawn on the FOREHEAD! Not the NOSE! So, when it was my turn, I drew just that! And, BAM! That was FOR SURE a UNICORN!

Then, Jamie looked at it, and was WOWED, and agreed that this was INDEED a UNICORN! I was just so blown away, and so proud of myself, for doing that! For the mind a of a 4 year old child, this was mind blowing, and meant the world! Truly significant! That moment forever changed my life!
 There I was, a little kid, and I could draw something the big kid couldn't! I DID IT! ME!

So, we took the picture to our Moms in the kitchen and showed it to them. Usually whenever I draw things, and showed it to people, it was just scribble-scrabbles and I would tell them to tell me what they thought it was. They often had no idea, because it was just scribble-scrabbles. But, when we showed them THIS my mom said: "It's a Unicorn."
Both moms' seemed WOWED also. And they thought Jamie did it. NO! IT WAS ME!
And, even Jamie confirmed this.  Everyone was happy, and liked it!

After that, I drew Unicorns everywhere, almost every day. I just loved unicorns.
I did it! I could do it! I could draw! FOR REAL! It's NOT SCRIBBLE -SCRABBLE!

But, by September I'd become normalized with drawing, and I thought that anyone, and everyone could do it. So, on my first day of Kindergarten, when we were asked to draw, my whole classed was WOWED by my ability to draw, as well as my teacher. I'd never gotten this kind of attention from people for just drawing a cartoon... and when I drew a Unicorn, it REALLY wowed people.

At school kids would challenge me to draw all kinds of things to squirrels, to cats, dogs, horses, leaves, dinosaurs, etc. I could do it all! They asked me: How did you learn how to do that?

I thought this was a strange question. I didn't know what to say, so I said: I just do it. I just learned it myself. And, not long after, I became so much better at drawing than Jamie. She just couldn't draw details, and focus more on colors, or words, and stuff like simple hearts & flowers that you don't need much skills to do at all. She was very creative tho'. With her, everything was Peacocks, and unicorns, and rainbows.

Birthday in a Box
So, my very first MUSE is the Unicorn.

So, my entire childhood is one of Unicorns, and I have quite a nostalgia for unicorns, horses, rainbows, and so on.

Well, that about does it for most of what I have to say/write about Unicorns regarding my early childhood. I have more to write about later on in my childhood, and towards my teens. But, this is already long enough.

And, I will get into The Black Unicorn symbolism after that.

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