I started classes at UMASS, but it was HELL. I had a number of medical issues which hampered everything, until I had to drop out of nearly everything. But, I kept the video class and my Work Study job.
Then, to make matters more absurd, my daughter had a life threatening condition and had to get a double blood transfusion, so we spent the entire weekend and most of Monday at The Tufts Floating Hospital in Boston.
I almost took her to the emergency room on Friday night, and she was slowly bleeding out to oblivion.... So, in order to cope with the entire nerve wracking situation despite the nerve wracking month of anxiety, insomnia, and severe depression I grabbed my sketchbook.
And this Mori sketch decided to sketch its self out onto my paper... it changed a number of times before it became this. I tried to keep it simple... I actually lost a lot of interest in it about halfway through, but Instagram seemed to like it somewhat.
But, Id already been on a SciFi futuristic kick the past few weeks, and as I was almost halfway doen with this sketch, I was already yearning for futuristic SciFi n Cyber Punk stuff, which was strange because I had been REALLY feeling this when I'd started it.
I could easily see this as an "Eyewitness" short from my other series revolving around mostly Lively. I could probably go several different directions with this, but especially if I had the right song or music.
However, I'm not so sure it;s really "fresh" or new, and probably is too similar to other things... I'm guessing... afew things come to mind...
if I were to get "Eyewitness" off the ground the way I want it to be, and perhaps is a fan-base liked this concept enough, I might actually create this as something...
The first time........... (echoes) -though these eyes......... (echoes) I ever witnessed this place........ (echoes) The first time........... (echoes) -through these eyes........ (echoes) I ever saw this face............ (echoes) The first time........... (echoes) -through these eyes.......... (echoes) Ever seeing this place.......... (echoes) The first time........... (echoes) -through these eyes.......... (echoes) Ever seeing your face........... (echoes) Your face........ (echoes) The first time........ (echoes) The first time......... (echoes) My face........... (echoes) ...........The first time......... (echoes)
You can also find this poem/lyrics published to my DeviantART gallery.
Well, these lyrics here would probably not make much sense without
the visuals. the emphasis is on the "FACE". "Face" its self has a lot of
meaning.... but, also this is another song for Djehkäujaa, my dragon
character but this is when she unfortunately becomes a humanoid form,
much to her horror, and her own stupidity & comeuppance that she
will regret for the rest of her life.
This song is meant to be
Djehkäujaa's voice, but she will not be actually lip-sync singing this
one. It will be like a voice-over, but as a song.
The lyrics are just a simple pattern with variation and reverb, to be to-the-point simple yet effective.
It is almost "garage house" sounding with a lot of echo & reverberations.
It
will mostly rely on conveying the mood by some echoing piano and
layered repercussions, as well as some sound effects, bass, perhaps
wobble bass. I'm not sure if I will use a 2-step beat or not. Altho' I
want this to be a very heavily European sounding style, I also want some
eastern vibes/elements to it also...
Think of it this way:
imagine she is in a desolate wide open prairie or savannah landscape, I
was thinking more like the planes in Mongolia... but, my story will be
an entirely other world. And, Djehkäujaa is literally grounded. No more
flying. Her wings fall off, and burn away like acid and steaming clouds
of fumes.
And, she looks at her own face, not the face knew herself to be...
A different face. Shock, despair, trauma...
So, on a morbid note, I have no idea why, but on the past few years I've had this gleefully morbid thing I do: drawing smashed n broken hearts in February... I guess it's because Saint Valentine's day is very commercialized, and I;d rather do stuff for my kid, that even tho' I like Romance, and Romantic things or ideas, I sort of hate Valentine's Day.
So, I have a cheeky, bratty, smart-alec part of me wants to come out..
Anyways.... It's Chinese New year, and we're more stoked about that rather than Valentine's, but my mom bought everyone some T-Shirts in Fort Worth... she's a sweety lately.
My taste in men has changed since I was a teenager. When I was growing up, I was like most Caucasian American girls in that I was pretty much into the "All American" guy look, or personality... I was a bit confused at times, like in middle school I'd had some attractions to some ethnic guys that I was confused about, but hormones are confusing in your early adolescent years anyway.
I recall being interested originally in what felt familiar to me, meaning Caucasian guys.. you know, the soccer player, the football player, the basket ball player, but then suddenly there would be this really funny comedian guy, or the very smart guy... decisions, decisions... What do I want? What do I like? I think for most girls, they model what they want after some aspect of their fathers, whether they realize it or not... but, culture is also a factor...
I was very interested in my heritage, and when I'd seen the film "Dances With Wolves" about the Lakota Nation, it exposed me to concepts similar to my own heritage as a Native American descendant. Altho', I am an Apache Nation descendent of The Mescalero (or as my Grandfather & his sisters called it "Maskalera"). I recall watching the film over & over with my mother, whom was a VERY big fan of Kevin Costner, she would openly comment about how handsome the long haired, mostly naked, Indian Men actors were. What a concept! I'd never thought about it much until she said something, but then I thought, maybe she's right.
My mother was crazy about my father, but, he was crazy about gardening and hobbies. My mother was a MILF, and no matter who tried to get her attention or flirt with her, she would still always want to be with my father. But, I DID notice that when dark Italian men would flirt with my mother, such as local Pizzeria business owners in tight jeans, with big muscles, and somewhat long hair would flirt with her, she would actually flirt back, especially Sicilians.
For me, I noticed that if what you felt was more attractive to the eyes, if looks mattered, I noticed that guys with dark hair felt more attractive to me. The darker the hair, the more attracted I felt. It's a VERY real feeling, a very REAL attraction, almost magnetic, and the emotion was often times VERY enhanced. Not only that, but when you are interacting with a man in a consensual, intimate manner, just the very sight of his dark hair (especially black) very MUCH enhanced the emotional high (or ecstasy) of the experience and the gratification. Even more so if his skin had some color to it, like a tan, or whatever. Is it something genetic? I don't know.
But, the saying "Tall dark, and handsome" feels WAY better than pasty & pale...
It seems very superficial... don't you think? Looks and all that... but, I suppose our genes are programmed to function a certain way at different periods in our lives. It's this way among animals as well that seek out sexual mates based on looks, or traits, or whatever...
By the time I was in High School, many of the girls I knew (in southern NJ from all over the county since I went to BCIT) were attracted to Puertorican guys. They could have any number of ethnic looks, to very pale skinned, to very dark skinned, or even mixed with African heritage. Usually, most of those guys had dark black curly hair. I was UTTERLY mad over this thick curly, shiny, gorgeous hair. Their eyes, their smiles, their casual ways... and, so were most girls... but, for whatever reason, they were uninterested in me.
I was VERY into a Boy Band "No Mercy" which had 3 super hot young guys. They mostly did cover songs of other dance music tracks, with Spanish Guitar, and dance beats. They are most known for "Where Do You Go?" cover song originally by "La Bouche".
I was also, BIG TIME, into reading Marvel Comic's "X-MEN". Anything, and EVERYTHING!
My favorite character of ALL the X-MEN was a character Kurt Wagner alias "Nightcrawler".
He was this German National that looked like a DEMON, used to be a in circus act as a freak acrobat, could telleport, was bilingual, and despite his Gargoyle/Demon look and fuzzy indigo skin, he was a Christian and even was a Monastery monk at 1 point. The X-MEN themselves were very interesting characters on their own, but this one was my absolute favorite. He had the Dark curly hair, pointed ears, glowing eyes, a long prehensile tail, he could walk on walls like Spider Man. He was a TOTAL gentleman, Happy-go-lucky, friendly, the Welcoming person, the witty joke-maker. He cheered everyone up. He was well read, and he even was a swashbuckler. (So much like the stuff I like! I even took fencing.)
I even had a subscription to "Excalibur" (The British X-MEN team) which Kurt eventually became the leader of.
My favorite depictions of this character were by Alan Davis, whom is my ALL TIME favorite Comic Book "Penciler" Artist EVER! I learned SO MUCH by studying his style. He's SO GOOD!
(The photo I have here of Nightcrawler is ALSO by Alan Davis! ^_^ See how good his work is?)
So, as I was formulating what kinds of Romantic interests I might have
for Lively, it also would depend upon my own personal tastes, which I
could be sure about, but then find something else later on to make me
rethink what I actually liked, or actually wanted...
When I was younger, religion was a big influence on me. But, I would also gravitate to guys which were more intellectual, had some diversity to them, and especially was attracted more & more to foreigners.
Mostly, is started as European men. I'd had just so many very frustrating, disappointing, and hurtful experiences with American White men, that I was very fed-up with them. I was preferring a more Romantic & thoughtful European kind of guy. But, My relationship with my ex in Germany was a long distance one, and after a while, as I went to college, I'd felt his version of religion wasn't working out for me. By 2000/2001, I no longer had an interest in any organized religion, and had been switching to a more "New Age" faith, even tho' I still liked Jesus, or things he'd allegedly taught about Altruism, or Agape. And, like Jesus whom was friends with Marcus The Roman Pagan, I also was friends with numerous Pagans. Remember, Christianity is SUPPOSED to be about Love & Tolerance...
But, in my ex's Lutheran Protestant cult, which was founded dating way back to Martin Luther himself, they STILL made women cover their heads like nuns or Muslims, and dress a certain way like skirts or dresses only, in "assembly". They had rules about what you could, or couldn't watch, and banned TVs, techno, secular films, etc. My ex was 85% deaf, and had hearing aids. Among the deaf community in Germany EVERYONE listens to TECHNO because it's THE ONLY THING THEY CAN ACTUALLY HEAR.
Talk about utter Intolerance! What's with all the rules?
yet, everyone else in Germany was partying with "Free Love", and immodesty, nudism, body pride health, liberal sexuality, etc... "Love Parade", and it was very open, friendly, and loving...
But, there's a whole other chunk of the story I didn't mention yet.
Sex...
Christian religions have too many idiosyncrasies about sex, interpretations, and re-interpretations. Old & New Testament clash with 1 another...
As a teenaged girl, I was often confused about sex. There was stuff in the religion, but then, people would say 1 thing, and do another anyway... or say it in church, and not follow it in real life.... then, there was school, which was very liberal or moderate, and the ideas about sexuality weren't demonized at all... then, there was pop culture which was massively sexualized. There was AIDS, there was a mass campaign in the media to WEAR CONDOMS. There were my peers becoming sexually active at ages 12/13, and talking about how great it was.
I was very scared about sex. I mean, at age 12 & 13, I just wanted to still play with my Barbies, go roller skating, watch Batman cartoons, and have ice cream sundaes. I didn't want to have a boy touch me, or take off my clothes...
When I was in high school, I was 1 of the only virgin girls I knew for a long time. I didn't even start until I was 16, and I was massively disappointed. There I was, day in & day out hearing all of my peers discussing all this great stuff about sex, and yet my own experience was so horrible.
And, my boyfriend in my sophomore year didn't want me. He wanted 1 of my best friends. He also had no sexual interest in me. This happened 3 times in a row. Meanwhile sooooooooo many guys that were interested in me I'd felt no interest in them. I just didn't have any feelings at all...
So, I was even more frightened of sex.... I tried again once with another friend, and another... and, I didn't understand what the problem was. I remember crying in September 1997 after trying with a guy that I had worked briefly with me... There was nothing pleasurable about the experience. And, I couldn't have an orgasm...
I thought there was something wrong with me...
I couldn't understand it, because my body, my hormones, my urges, were all still there... but, intercourse its self was just horrible. I thought my body didn't work, or something was wrong with me.
So, when it came to sexual interaction, I mainly just stayed away from intercourse, and was more interested in petting, hand/finger play, touching, etc. I found that if I was open & upfront about this to a guy that mutually wanted to hook-up with me, that he was totally fine with that, and the experience could be very enjoyable, physically and pleasurably...
During that whole sort of self exploration of getting to know just what exactly I wanted, there was a pattern that came and went whether I'd noticed it or not...
Since I was a kid, I liked to watch action movies about Martial Arts, Kung Fu, and so on... My dad did, my brothers did. We used to watch movies by Belgian action star Jean-Claude Van Damme. We also watched any and every B movie out at the time with Martial Arts. Then, 1 day, my father's friend came to visit him while we were watching Van Damme and he laughed at us. We'd though Van Damme was such a great hero on screen, but this guy just laughed & laughed and talked about how much he stunk.
What???
He told us: No! No! No! If you want to see a real action star, and REAL Martial Artist Master you should go to the video rental store and find movies by Bruce Lee.
Who? What? Huh???
Then, over, and over: Bruce Lee! Bruce Lee this, and Bruce Lee that...
It didn't mean anything to me... I'd seen so many martil arts movies, I thought they were all good. But, what did I know?
Then, one day, my brother found out there was a video rental place that had movies staring Bruce Lee.
So, he got Mom to rent some, and took them home for us to watch.....
OH MY GOD!!!!!
I couldn't believe my eyes!
After that it was Van WHO???
How could anyone stand to watch Van Damme after Bruce Lee?
But, I was really young when that happened. I didn't look at men as sexual objects back then...
Then, when I was in middle school, there was a movie about Bruce Lee called "Dragon; The Bruce Lee Story" staring Jason Scott Lee. It was a movie I'd been looking forward to watching very much. We got it on pay per view, and I watched it over and over.
The 2nd week after I'd gotten it, I was on the bus and the girls were talking about when men (movie stars or pop stars) were the hottest. And, they went through the list... all White men, like 90210 stuff... And, a popular girl, named Amanda blurted out Jason Scott Lee which shocked everyone. Then she went on & on about his body in THAT movie, and how naked he was, and then oddly enough the other girls agreed. It sticks out in my mind so strongly... What a concept!
I remember thinking to myself that I agreed. It was TOTALLY true. The man was incredibly hot! So, when I went home and watched the film again, I was looking at it from a different perspective. The film a had a strong inter racial theme to it anyway... but, the idea that I'd ALSO found this man to be an attractive looking man was something very new to me, and I wasn't the only girl to agree with this idea either.
From the time I was about 15 or 16 there were some Asian guys that had an interest in me. Why me, I don't know... but, at that time, I mostly ignored it, or was oblivious to it... I'd generally had no interest in Asian guys at the time... other than very attractive, muscular, glamorous, nearly naked Asian men on the TV screen. Like Russel Wong in Vanishing Son.
I'd dated a Korean guy when I was 17, but he was sort of crazy in the head, and it didn't go well. And, I didn't know if I wanted to date Asian guys, or not.
But, by the time I began working at a movie theater in the summer on 1997 just before I'd turned 18, I took a look around and took notice of my VERY attractive Asian male coworkers. They didn't behave like the stereotypes either. Very funny, easy-going, sometimes cocky, but even talked about deep thinking, current events, music, culture and more.... You're supposed to "be professional" on the job, but it was so good to work with such fun & friendly people anyway. Every day was great because you can be among such sexy guys, and never feel nervous to talk to them... That job was full of a diverse group of persons. And, I loved them all...
I was on the fence. You're not supposed to do anything with your coworkers, really, even tho' there were 2 couples that worked there, and several persons dated each other. I was against it. I'd also had a boyfriend in Germany. My whole reason to work there was to raise the money to go to Germany....
But, temptations still happen...
I couldn't decide what I wanted, if I wanted it or not, or if I should just stick to my principle...
But, when a man wants something, he will come at it in full force, over & over, persistently... And, man, did he ever!
He was crazy, you know... mental... not right in the head at times... then, add on hormones... volatile, unpredictable...
I could resist, resist, resist... and then, suddenly, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???
Stupid! Brash! Jerk!
And, then, somehow, I'm in his arms again!
Or...
In the dark!
Vulnerable...
All alone!
I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!
But, then... my dreams betray me...
My thoughts betray me....
And, when he clutches me, my own body betrays me...
Everyone loved him too. At work he had everyone believe he was an easy-go-lucky person, an Alpha Male, and the most popular person there. Everyone wanted to BE HIM, be LIKE him, and be around him... and, I couldn't help it either...
I was utterly INSANE about him, but utterly in denial over it...
And, yet, when he was alone with me, he was someone else in at least 2 variations of extremes... the very intense predator, to the very meek & timid wounded being... and, he could switch from one to the other at any moment... There was just something about his eyes, the way he looked at me... not anyone else... and his smile.
But, his approach to me was all wrong...
I wasn't the only one either...
-and, I feel utterly used, deceived, and womanized.
Then, one day he just up & left...
He'd gone out of his way to make everyone think he's cared about them, missed, them, etc... only years later to tell me what he really actually thought of them all, point blank....
Before he left, he even cried to me, and told me he loved me...
How the heck did I ever fall for that?
How did I actually ever think this person was my friend? Or that he'd cared about me, or anyone else?
I wasn't a friend to him, in his mind... not someone he'd actually loved, or cared about... I wasn't even a human being to him, let alone even a person....
I was just a thing to him...
His idea of being respectful to me is not talking about it... covering it up, etc... But, I think a real motive for not telling about it is because it implicates him, and guilt...
Ironically, this guy used to beg me to have sex with him, and pressure, and so on... but, whenever I'd either consent to it, or actually want to, he would change his mind. Then, he said he just wanted to hold me, so I lay they with him in my arms while he was shaking. The whole thing was ridiculous.
Why he could NEVER keep plans with me, but make plans and hang out with others, ALWAYS stood me up, and NEVER kept a promise to me, yet be good to everyone else is beyond me. But, whenever he on the spot wanted attention from me, he'd pressure me until I gave in, filled up my in-box with letters either pestering me, or just being foolish. And the ONLY 2 times he's actually showed up on a plan with me, was BECAUSE I NAGGED HIM.
Yet, with him was many, many firsts for me... none of which were an orgasm...
The first time I was alone with him, after he'd annoyed me to death, I finally asked him to. But, he was utterly afraid, and scared out of his mind once I was finally alone with him. So, I didn't know what to do other than massage his shoulders, which was what he'd said he wanted, and agreed to. But, after a long time alone with him like that, he went through the very first time I would notice him "switching" and he became this other man. He turned around and looked at me, in my eyes, then he said "Come here." But, I did nothing. Then, he abruptly grabbed me, and kissed me. I was really scared. And, after he kissed me, he began tearing my clothes off. This sort of became his signature, in how he could remove clothing very quickly in just a few really violent tugs, pushing & pulling me very roughly. And, then, he would ask me several questions, like whether I liked it, or him, and so on, constantly asserting a power dynamic, which was utterly terrifying. And, yet, somehow, he could work me up into not only liking him, but enjoying him.
At one point, he asked me "Did you come?" which I didn't understand. I had only ever heard this word used for men before. I was either too young, or too inexperienced. But, he kept asking me. I didn't know what to say because he seemed to value whatever it meant, so I said "yes". But, I can tell you the truth was actually "no" because I am old enough NOW to understand what it means.
When I was in college, age 19, I started to date a Vietnamese playboy bodybuilder in Graphic Arts at my school. (He was also a martial artist, flower gardener, and a sushi chef) And, that was my very first orgasm. Several actually. "The Big O."
I would go with him each night for about 2 months, and go at it for hours, several times in a row until about 4-5AM, go to sleep then wake up a few hours later, shower, and go to classes, then go meet him again for dinner and do it all over again. Where I got all the energy to do that is beyond me...But, it's totally true. TOTALLY.
Then, I dated more frequently on a casual manner. I dated several types of ethnic or foreign men. This 1 guy was hell-bent on marrying me, which I gave-in to marry eventually which was the WORST decision EVER. He turned into someone else once I married him, and he left n went to Oklahoma, and used me to get his parents to come here from China. He was mentally ill, so i can pardon him for having a medical issue... but, he abused me terribly, and also would try to use religion there as well, but went around fucking whomever he wanted in less than a full week. But, what can I say? A person of sound mind & body, let alone self respect, wouldn't behave that way, right?
When I married that guy, it was like every man in the world was trying to get me to hook-up with them. I even had a wedding ring, and told them; "I'm married.' to which they're reply: 'He doesn't have to know." which would piss me off! The wedding ring used to burn my skin also...
But, once I divorced him, it was as tho' since this guy didn't want me, then no-one else did for about 3 months. Even my female friends barely spoke to me.....
But, then, I went into online dating, which back then, people thought was "scarey" or unsafe, and NOW EVERYONE DOES IT!!!!! Go fig'! I used mostly "Yahoo! Dating" personals, or "Asian Friend Finder". I made sure never to date a religious man EVER AGAIN, because it was always a lie, or he had some kind of issue and wanted to USE his scripture to control me, but never abide by it for himself...
So, I went wild dating. I would have up to 2 different dates per day depending on whether I had classes, or it was a weekend. I went to casinos, night clubs, dance Clubs, and men would drive, fly, or take a train to see me from all up & down the east Coast, or even people visiting from over seas to the local universities. I liked Asian men best, especially Chinese, and especially if they were educated and born over seas that were either attending university or had an established career. back then, not many women were interested in Asian men, so I had the pick of the litter. I even made videos on YouTube about it in my 20s. Now, if I go back to Philly it's very common to see interracial dating of Asian men with non-Asian women.
By the time I was booking so many dates to my heart's content I couldn't give a shit whether this or that guy NOW wanted me.... it was too late, and I blew them all off. Good-bye!
If a man REALLY wants you he'll give it a really good persistent try. If not, then don't bother with him.
So, if you're wondering what I like? Well, I definitely LIKE MEN.
I like men that can behave themselves, have self control, have AT LEAST my level of IQ, OR HIGHER, otherwise I find I just can't respect him if all he cares about is JUST Football or sports. I like men that have an actual understanding of ethics & philosophy, and Not some made-up blanket version of a concept that somehow 'virtue' only means what does or doesn't happen between a woman's legs, and WHO does it to her. Because I ACTUALLY know what a "virtue" is, as well as it's antithesis being a "vice".
At the same time, I ALSO don't like men that are rigid, strict, inflexible, arrogant, or stuck on themselves. I like genuine, tried & true persons, but can keep secrets. I like a balance of playfulness, witty, sense of humor, but NOT obnoxious, a sense of humbleness, but not a coward. I especially like activists, and civil disobedients, men that are clever, kind, and have the right balance of gentleness & strength especially inside of their minds. I don't like men that are aloof, doofy, smokers, reckless, drug dealers, addicts, thieves, or frauds. I like intellectuals, deep thinkers, creative & artistic, as well as musical including DJs, or tech savvy folks, including programmers so long as they're not douchey pricks.
So, anyways... I haven't entirely decided on a perfect guy for Lively yet... I don't want her with some jerk that uses her, nor one that neglects her.
And, "Manga" is just the word for "comic book" or even a "graphic novel"...
But, "Anime" evokes a certain image in your mind. It's Japanese, but all over Asia, people do styles of cartoon art that has a certain look or feel to it. But, there's no 1 specific look necessarily.
I think most people, if you asked them, they would say "Japanimation!" Ha!
As I said, I used to HATE it in the 90s. I liked it in the 80s tho... I loved dorky shows like: Voltron, Tranzon Z, Unico... but, then when I learned about Disney, I got real snobby... it's true... Sorry...
I also, REALLY HATE English dubs! I prefer to watch ALL films in their original languages, with subtitles.
Another thing to point out about Japanese versions of cartoon & comics is that they often just break rules. You can see some parts in high quality, fully done art, super detailed, very hard work. Then, turn the page of a manga and find lots of unfinished, or roughly drawn slacker drawings... sometimes, it's even done on purpose, not necessarily because they're lazy. The animated work can go through the same things.
It reminds me of much of the movie content from Hong Kong as well. All just smashed together, high quality this, then crappy sketch skits for 10 min in the comedies... or odd anticlimactic skits in British comedy, like Monty Python or Benny Hill.
But, like I said, that all changed when I watched "Macross Plus".
The characters didn't ALL have the same face, or bodytype, and even changed their clothes. The character designs were beautiful, and the stories were very good. There was quality, innovation, morals, and more.
Other notable anime favorites of mine are:
"Macross Frontier", the series & the movies.
Neon Genesis Evangelion
(all of them! The series, the mangas, the films. Brilliant stuff!)
"Mononoke Hime" (Monster Princess, or Princess Mononoke)
Which is a very bloody yet Disney-like anime film, of very high quality shot on a 2s frame-rate (yes I'm speaking Animator). Which makes me VERY happy.
And most especially a film often called
"Spirited Away" (Also shot on 2s)
These animes have a wide variety of parts that cause the viewer to undergo the emotions of the characters, which range all over the place, from the very sentimental, to very disgusting, misfortune & frustration, and observe the characters try to maintain their inner goodness, whiles others are brats, or megalomaniacs.
They also deal with themes such as battered women, abuse, neglect, altruism, innocence, persons with mental illness or are emotionally damaged or traumatized. Also, these particular favorites of mine have very good endings.
When it comes to most Asian films, movies, and TV shows, I find they often lack the ability to have a good ending, most notably with the way they do endings for tragedies, unlike Hollywood which has it down to an art & science, and has several variations spanning several decades.
As for experimenting with styles of anime, myself, I sometimes did it with Lively, but other times I used a Humanoid version of my "Black UniGryphon" (Vallour Nikee) Fursona as a Goddess (a whole other story), because that character is also a shape-shifter.
So, remember how I told you I was very "into my heritage"? Yeah, well you see, as it turns out, most Americans have, oh... you know.... European Heritage... Funny thing about that... yeah, well you see, I'm ethnically MOSTLY European... actually SEVERAL...
On my father's side, via his father, they were totally German, and my name "Zimbleman" comes from the original name of "Zimbelmann" which means the "Zill player" (Zimbeln is usually German for "Zills") or the "dulcimer player". ;)
So, of course, I had an interest in that... if I had an interest in my British side, I could just call me grandmother and ask her, or easily look it up... I mean, after all, it was in English, and sure sometimes I was interested in Celtic or Druid things as well... But, Germany seemed so different and far away in the 90s...
But, in 1994 we got our first computer. A Macintosh Power PC 6200 connecting to the internet via E-World! Oh WOW!
I used it to look up unicorns, and music, like bands from Europe such as ERASURE, and techno stuff. I loved Techno music, but in 1994 there were no MP3s. Just AIF & WAV. 1 time I got a theme song to X-FILES! Yeah!
But, sometime around 1995 or 1996 E-World shut down, and we got a deal to go on America Online alias AOL. So, we did!
That's when I met this really nice guy named Wolfgang. He was 85% deaf, and had hearing aids. BUT, he gave me lots of attention, and sent me presents from Germany ALL THE TIME. Fine chocolates like Milka, Ritter Sport, and the ultimate: LINDT. Back then there were NONE of those in the USA.
I liked SOME Hip-hop, house, but more and more I was CRAZY about techno music! I also liked Synth Pop. Eurodance HI-NRG Bands like: Real McCoy, 2 Unlimited, Corona, Abigale, Reel 2 Real, and some Freestyle like Lil' Susy, or Denine & Collage!
So, Wolfgang often made me mixed-tapes (or CDs), and thats when I went crazy for a genre known as HAPPY HARDCORE!
I loved music by Scooter, Dune, and Das Modul... but, my ULTIMATE FAVORITE was Blümchen! (Blümchen means mini-flower)
Before I knew it, I became a super fan of Blümchen! I knew everything about her that I could find! I even could read in German! My high school didn't have any German classes, so I had to learn it all on my own! It was actually SOOOOO easy!
In 1996, Blümchen was known as dieRave Prinzessinon the German AOL.
But, she eventually changed her style to Pop/Techno by 1998, because the whole Pop music movement went crazy by the late 90s.
But, I was ALL Hardcore Techno! And, I liked Eurodance too!
Blümchen's real name was Jasmin Wagner. Not only was she a singer, but she was a Television show moderator for talkshows, contest, shows, and even a VJ. She also was an activist like I was, she did acting, modeling, and even designed clothing when modeling it got boring for her. She did seem to get bored too often tho'... and then she started to want to write the songs she did, which were rather good. She also did 2 albums in English under the name Blossom, and even toured in Asia.
I like Jasmin's whole outlook on things, even tho' she was younger than I was. I liked to know what the whole fashion trends were going on in Europe, because 1/2 the time I liked whatever she was wearing ALOT. Big platform shoes, tight vinyl pants, form fitting clothes, etc... I just didn't care for the miniskirts she often wore...
But, when Jasmin was on screen she has a kind of energy, or look to her, that was very inspiring to me, not just as a young person, but as an artist.
So, there is SO much of Jasmin as Blümchen in Lively!
I got a scholarship, and then many many more after that, to go to animation classes on the weekends at the U-ARTS in Philadelphia. My teacher was Lowl Boston, and he kept giving me bigger & bigger scholarships, so I kept going! I just LOVED animation!
So, after having done the basic "bouncing ball" and "morphing" lessons, what do you do after that???
Well, you do walking and run cycles...
So, I based my run cycle on an interview Glen Keane gave of Pocahontas (on his wall was sketches of 3 full run cycles front, profile, and behind) that was a tiny little shot on video, that I would pause and try to sketch thumbnails of, over & over, until the VCR would shut off, then I had to rewind, try to find that spot on the video again, pause it and RUSH to try sketching it again!
But, once I'd already DONE the run cycle, in 3 variations of it, profile, head on, and behind cycle, then the profile pan, the moving background, inked & painted cells.... I wanted to do something MORE!
So, I used a Quicktime video of a Blümchen's "Herz an Herz" and made quick thumbnail sketches of each video frame.
But, I was also inspired by when Blümchen threw her shoe in her "kleiner Satelit" video.
Then, putting them all together, in a rather surreal music video 90s style, I put all of my animation together like an animation reel, with music from the album version of "Boomerang" by Blümchen.
That is where Lively REALLY took shape & form!
At the U-ARTS in Philadelphia!
Mind, you I was STILL in high school! Imagine how much I got bullied just for that too!
Anyways, you can see my references compared to my animations.
This head turn was based on Blümchen's head turn in "Herz an Herz".
It was around the time when I made this head turn animation that I really started to realize I had something here! There was really a unique character coming along here!
And, this dance was based on the dance Blümchen did in the same "Herz an Herz" video.
I usually had Lively, by this time depicted in a shiny vinyl or leather catsuit, when before I had her dress more like Herdrol.So it was influences from Comic Books and Euro Rave!
But, at AIPH, some guys used to tease me, and called her "Naked Lady". That really annoyed me. }:-(
But, here, you can compare the animations to the Blümchen videos:
You can also check out the videos for her songs: "Bicycle Race", "Boomerang", "Blau Augen", and "Heut' ist mein Tag".
It's all that sort of same vibe I like to utilize for Lively...
But, it was around that time in 1997-1998 that I named her... while I was working at AMC Marlton 8.
In case you missed it... 1 of the translation to English of the meaning of the name "Pocahontas" means "Lively & Frolicsome"... and since this character is very playful, fun, and happy... and I consider her very beautiful, and LOVELY... as I was trying to find a suitable name for her, Lively just stuck.
And, even tho' I have loads more to say about Lively, and her origins & beginnings, that's pretty much how she started out... Oh, but, I didn't tell you about the dragons yet...
AND, from Lively sprang another character which has to do with dragons as well!
But, that's yet another blog post for another time....
