Dragon Story Project: Working Title

I've agonized over a title, or at least a working title for my dragon film/story project since FOREVER....

And, for about a month now, I've been obsessing and agonizing over what to title the thing!

I was never satisfied.... or, I was.... but I changed my mind...

I was aggravated and frustrated with myself!

I just couldn't commit to it!

I would sit at my desk, or the sofa, with my notebook and writing, then rewriting the title, moving words around... It was SUCH A PUZZLE!

I could feel inside what I wanted to express or convey... but, putting it into words just right was a major frustration!

Too long!

Too short!

Too common!

Not original enough!

Doesn't coonvey what I feel quite right!

Doesn't sound right!

Doesn't have the right ring to it...

Sounds too much like a weird Japanese anime title....

It was absolutely a BRAIN PICKER!


So, I had it narrowed down a few times, before I would rethink it, and cycle back doing that....

And, I have a lot of intense trepidation about saying what I have decided on (SO FAR)... that, I've been stewing over it for over a week now...

I figure, it will most likely seem, or sound VERY STRANGE to probably EVERYONE

And, I suppose that ought to be expected...

It's VERY ME....

It's my work, and my project...

So, I figure it ought to be very unusual to pretty much everyone....

I just hope my artist peers & friends don't hate it... because that would really hurt...

I've been very EMO over it also.... :-/

Trepidation doesn't even begin to express what it feels like.....

Please don't hate me.

Each word is specifically, and carefully chosen, and have multiple meanings as well. I feel that much of my best work from my past often had better titles when I made more figurative or metaphorical tittles, especially my "Eyewitness" since the title can be broad or vague in a way...

The title its self is almost like a poem in a way....

And, even tho' it may sound strange at first, the story explains it later but only if one would contemplate it... so, it's typical of my artists & philosopher sides...

But, I guess, no matter what anyone does, there will be people that just don't like something... and that's to be expected... or they just don;t like it, because they just don't like me.... but, oh well...

Different people like different things... and that's totally fine.

There are a few things I'm very terrible at, and that includes designing architecture, buildings, and machinery... I eventually would need some help with an air ship design, and some building designs, because I am not good at doing any of those things... and some kind of vehicles, like cars...
I'm just not good at any of those things, and I'm rather terrible at 3D animation stuff. I'm pathetically awful at it!

But, I guess that's OK.... because you can't be perfect at everything.... and that's OK....

I guess somehow I'll figure something out one day...

 Just, please don't be rude or nasty to me about it if you don't understand....

It's very true that people often fear what they do not understand... and people lash out at things they are afraid of....

I can very easily stand up to any argument when it comes to philosophy, politics, debating, and things of that nature that are logic or rhetorical based...

But, art is not necessarily logic...

So, if you are NOT an artist, or you are a comfortably well employed mainstream artist and you hate it, I would just kindly ask you to keep it to yourself, and don't bother me with your hate, or arrogance, or prejudices. I am not you, and I will never be you.

I'm just me. And, this means something to me.

I don't actually want my goal, nor my motives, to be money, because I feel it dirties and tarnishes it. I'm not opposed to money at all, and I'm many times over a capitalist and entrepreneur, I own property, and I'm also not against taking and making money at all.

But, I am against people giving me money to change what is MINE, to take away what is MINE, or to tell me what I should or shouldn't do merely because they gave me dollars.

It may sounds hokey or cliche, but I want my motive for creating my story/film/project to be LOVE.

And, if you DON'T like that, that's not my problem, but yours.

The love of my inner self, the love of expression, the love of freedom, the love of art, the love of telling a story, the art of creation and creating something. the love of DOING something, and MAKING something.

I just DON'T LOVE money.

I don't feel that way, and I cannot make my heart feel something it doesn't and won't.

I, of course, would spend my money on it if I have it... but, if I don't have the much money, I just don't care. I don;t want to be famous, and I don't want to be "a star", and I don't want to be what other people want me to be. That is THEIR dreams, and not mine.

I do NOT have a dream of conformity nor mediocrity. If that's what you believe that I OUGHT to do, just know THAT IS YOUR DREAM, or YOUR DREAM FOR ME, and it is NOT MINE.  But, it is a dream nonetheless. And, an empty one....

My dreams are full.... and my cup runneth over....

It doesn't matter to me whether you understand, or don't understand....

No one understood van Gogh until after he died... sometimes, it just sucks like that, but oh well... Now, THE most expensive works of painted art in existence.

 But, I'm also NOT van Gogh, I'm Kandice. And, that is OK...

I realize that I've published a lot of rough sketches, and old work here... and maybe that seems odd or strange.... but, I felt in necessary to show that I'm imperfect, and that people grow, and learn...

And, sometimes you gotta just start all over... somewhat... or at least partially...

I don;t know what to totally expect... and I'm not sure, totally, what the heck I'm doing... but, it seems to be figuring its self out, I guess...

 So, I guess you we probably want to know what to title was, that I have made so far...if you've read this far....

So, I guess I ought to reveal it by now.....

Well, the title I've come up with.... that I'm sticking to now is:


"Zenith Beyond Eclipsing The Dragon's Rue"
©2016 Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman  "Black UniGryphon" TM   All Rights Reserved.

忍 It was so much work, that you will never know, nor ever have seen, just to get to this specific title. Pages upon pages on ideas and rewrites and rearrangements... 

I'm still looking for some of my old artwork...  I don't know whether I will ever find it...

I'm not sure what I will do next...  But, it just seems to be flowing on its own sometimes...

Dragon Project UNTITLED... still....

Dragon Project UNTITLED.... 

This bothers me quite a bit... I've had titles for this project, a number of times, only to change them... for a long time I had it titled "Guardian" or "Guardian Angel" because of something my mother said... or even "Dark Angel"... but, then, in October 2000 a TV show came out called that starting Jessica Alba! I was PISSED!

But, I don't want to call it ANYTHING like I'd called it already...

I've been writing out several possible titles, and have changed my mind several times...

I have a few things that I'm kinda leaning towards tho'... It reminds me of Taoist ideas/concepts....

So, I sat here at my desk today with my notebook open, and I started to feel somewhat like Jia Baoyu trying to figure out something with Chinese characters for a chéngyǔ, or something to do with poetry, or naming a doorway or a room, or a pavilion. (Chinese stuff) Or, perhaps even the author himself, Cao Xueqin....

Apparently, he wrote (as the legend goes) the manuscript for 紅樓夢 Hónglóu Mèng in abject poverty as a destitute person from a very educated high level wealthy background... I've never fully understood the entire complexity of his life, and I've read, heard, and watched, so many carrying versions of who he was, and why he wrote the novel, including different official versions by the People's Republic of China central government.

(Oh, but, wait... here's the part where now that it's 2016, and I mentioned something from another culture that's not my born culture, showing my interest and affection for other cultures, and literature, I have to go on and on about how I could never ever liken myself to them, because if and when i don;t and a person with a different ethnicity or skin color than mine notices it, and might actually know what those things meant, and actually understand the point, actually wants me to suck up, or bow down, or else they get to slander me with "cultural appropriation" labels, because even tho' being open minded and openly excepting of other cultures back in 20002 when I first read the stuff was seen as good, now even doing yoga and not being East Indian means your racist... I have NO IDEA how these things even make any sense... I dunno... if I were anti whatever race, and pro my own, even tho' I'm actually a mongrel, wouldn't my NOT reading other culture's literature make me racist or ethnocentric? Whatever... I used Baoyu as an EXAMPLE since I equate all great world literature as EQUALLY good in the context of THE ENTIRE WORLD and HISTORY... thus, I used the example... and I AM NOT SORRY. I'm a Cosmopolitan. But, of course, you could write your angry comments because you got your panties crumpled up in a bunch, drowning in adrenaline and amygdala overload if you wanted... or you could just 忍 and get back to the subject... OK, whatever... you hate me, you jumped to conclusions... does that help you? 忍 )

My spouse (Wang Li) and I have discussed similar things before many many times... in fact just getting my Chinese name was one of those Taoist things... Tao (actually called "Dao" in Chinese) means "The Way" or just "way".

It's like having n idea or a destination, or a goal, or something you want to get to... but, you can;t get there until YOU GO THE WAY, or FIND THE WAY, or TAKE THE WAY... sometimes its described as "a path" or a a "flow" or a "river" or a "channel" (again meaning river of stream).

But, it's very illusive, and enigmatic... because even Laozi (Lao Tzu) said "The Way that can be named is not The Way" or also put 'The Tao that can be named is not The Tao."

I'm certainly no Li Bai.... so I can't come up with something on the spot... which is odd, because for usually everything I've ever created, having a Title for it was simple, easy, and happened right away... either it just CAME TO ME, or with a slight bit of work, I CAME TO IT.

Yet, for those things, those circumstances, or even for those persons, that was THEIR WAY, that was THE WAY for THEM... but that is NOT MY WAY, ergo I CANNOT GO THEIR WAY, nor THOSE WAYS... because it is NOT THE WAY for THIS... See what I mean???

It's an enigma.

I want it to express a feeling but also an idea... but, also almost abstract, only NOT abstract... But, it can't be TOO LONG, and it CAN'T be TOO SHORT...

And, here's the brain-picker of it all: I'm not even a Taoist! But, even if I were Taoist, calling myself a Taoist would be like saying I wasn't really a Taoist... I also don't want to be a Taoist... and yet, it's still of great interest to me. HOW WEIRD IS THAT?
It's practically ZEN! Yeesh! It's like a Chan/Zen Koan! WTF???

You know what's strange about it, if/when I think about it?

The project its self is very female or feminine... and yet the pondering and contemplation of it all, the perplexing aspects of me, almost seem male or masculine... WTF??? But, it's still me.


So, I sit there, with my notebook, and the crappy pen, running out of ink the I got as a freebie at South Field at some Open House thingy a few years ago... and, it all just sort of seems to feel like it's all just swirling around me, somewhere, invisible, and I'm trying to make it work, like an engineer, or an inventor in a laboratory... but of dreams, and poems, and fantasy... Ain't dat some shit? 

I have a few things in mind... but, I'm not 100% sold on any of them yet... sometimes I just need to mull it over for a while... but, it bothers me so much that I don't have a title yet... 

At the same time.... I'm not sure what to do with it all.....it all seems to be moving, and shifting... 

I also DON'T CARE about MAKING MONEY from it! I just want to gag at the idea of doing the thing for MONEY and profit as my motive! 
Unless, someone is trying to steal it, and/or rip me off, then I'm raining down, thunder, lighting, fire, wrath, and HELL! 

The idea of NOT doing anything for money, profit, fame, or self grandiosity is somehow a crazy idea in the USA, or the world we live in. Well, the internet was NOT started to make money at all! Everything I did on the internet as a kid had NOTHING to do with any of those things! It was JUST BECAUSE WE LOVED AND ENJOYED whatever we were interested in, and we SHARED IT with the WORLD WIDE WEB.  

Sure, everyone either need to make money, or wants to make more.  But, I'm just SO TIRED! I don't CARE anymore! It's just SO EMPTY! 

I just want to keep me, and keep who I am.  Even as changes happen, and I'm changing, I'm still me... and I still want to keep that. I don;t want to be SOMEONE ELSE that isn't me. 

And, I want the title to my project to MEAN SOMETHING.