Friday, April 8, 2016

Dragon Story Project: Working Title

I've agonized over a title, or at least a working title for my dragon film/story project since FOREVER....

And, for about a month now, I've been obsessing and agonizing over what to title the thing!

I was never satisfied.... or, I was.... but I changed my mind...

I was aggravated and frustrated with myself!

I just couldn't commit to it!

I would sit at my desk, or the sofa, with my notebook and writing, then rewriting the title, moving words around... It was SUCH A PUZZLE!



I could feel inside what I wanted to express or convey... but, putting it into words just right was a major frustration!

Too long!

Too short!

Too common!

Not original enough!

Doesn't coonvey what I feel quite right!

Doesn't sound right!

Doesn't have the right ring to it...

Sounds too much like a weird Japanese anime title....

It was absolutely a BRAIN PICKER!


So, I had it narrowed down a few times, before I would rethink it, and cycle back doing that....

And, I have a lot of intense trepidation about saying what I have decided on (SO FAR)... that, I've been stewing over it for over a week now...

I figure, it will most likely seem, or sound VERY STRANGE to probably EVERYONE

And, I suppose that ought to be expected...

It's VERY ME....

It's my work, and my project...

So, I figure it ought to be very unusual to pretty much everyone....

I just hope my artist peers & friends don't hate it... because that would really hurt...

I've been very EMO over it also.... :-/

Trepidation doesn't even begin to express what it feels like.....

Please don't hate me.



Each word is specifically, and carefully chosen, and have multiple meanings as well. I feel that much of my best work from my past often had better titles when I made more figurative or metaphorical tittles, especially my "Eyewitness" since the title can be broad or vague in a way...

The title its self is almost like a poem in a way....

And, even tho' it may sound strange at first, the story explains it later but only if one would contemplate it... so, it's typical of my artists & philosopher sides...

But, I guess, no matter what anyone does, there will be people that just don't like something... and that's to be expected... or they just don;t like it, because they just don't like me.... but, oh well...

Different people like different things... and that's totally fine.


There are a few things I'm very terrible at, and that includes designing architecture, buildings, and machinery... I eventually would need some help with an air ship design, and some building designs, because I am not good at doing any of those things... and some kind of vehicles, like cars...
I'm just not good at any of those things, and I'm rather terrible at 3D animation stuff. I'm pathetically awful at it!

But, I guess that's OK.... because you can't be perfect at everything.... and that's OK....

I guess somehow I'll figure something out one day...


 Just, please don't be rude or nasty to me about it if you don't understand....

It's very true that people often fear what they do not understand... and people lash out at things they are afraid of....

I can very easily stand up to any argument when it comes to philosophy, politics, debating, and things of that nature that are logic or rhetorical based...

But, art is not necessarily logic...

So, if you are NOT an artist, or you are a comfortably well employed mainstream artist and you hate it, I would just kindly ask you to keep it to yourself, and don't bother me with your hate, or arrogance, or prejudices. I am not you, and I will never be you.

I'm just me. And, this means something to me.

I don't actually want my goal, nor my motives, to be money, because I feel it dirties and tarnishes it. I'm not opposed to money at all, and I'm many times over a capitalist and entrepreneur, I own property, and I'm also not against taking and making money at all.



But, I am against people giving me money to change what is MINE, to take away what is MINE, or to tell me what I should or shouldn't do merely because they gave me dollars.

It may sounds hokey or cliche, but I want my motive for creating my story/film/project to be LOVE.

And, if you DON'T like that, that's not my problem, but yours.

The love of my inner self, the love of expression, the love of freedom, the love of art, the love of telling a story, the art of creation and creating something. the love of DOING something, and MAKING something.

I just DON'T LOVE money.

I don't feel that way, and I cannot make my heart feel something it doesn't and won't.

I, of course, would spend my money on it if I have it... but, if I don't have the much money, I just don't care. I don;t want to be famous, and I don't want to be "a star", and I don't want to be what other people want me to be. That is THEIR dreams, and not mine.

I do NOT have a dream of conformity nor mediocrity. If that's what you believe that I OUGHT to do, just know THAT IS YOUR DREAM, or YOUR DREAM FOR ME, and it is NOT MINE.  But, it is a dream nonetheless. And, an empty one....

My dreams are full.... and my cup runneth over....

It doesn't matter to me whether you understand, or don't understand....

No one understood van Gogh until after he died... sometimes, it just sucks like that, but oh well... Now, THE most expensive works of painted art in existence.

 But, I'm also NOT van Gogh, I'm Kandice. And, that is OK...

I realize that I've published a lot of rough sketches, and old work here... and maybe that seems odd or strange.... but, I felt in necessary to show that I'm imperfect, and that people grow, and learn...

And, sometimes you gotta just start all over... somewhat... or at least partially...

I don;t know what to totally expect... and I'm not sure, totally, what the heck I'm doing... but, it seems to be figuring its self out, I guess...

 So, I guess you we probably want to know what to title was, that I have made so far...if you've read this far....

So, I guess I ought to reveal it by now.....

Well, the title I've come up with.... that I'm sticking to now is:


"Zenith Beyond Eclipsing The Dragon's Rue"
©2016 Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman  "Black UniGryphon" TM   All Rights Reserved.







It was so much work, that you will never know, nor ever have seen, just to get to this specific title. Pages upon pages on ideas and rewrites and rearrangements... 

I'm still looking for some of my old artwork...  I don't know whether I will ever find it...

I'm not sure what I will do next...  But, it just seems to be flowing on its own sometimes...



Thursday, April 7, 2016

Character Development: Xingtao


I was often conflicted about a character I had in mind for my stories...

I even RP'ed some stuff because I didn't know what to do with it...

I even made a boy character on IMVU to play with some ideas/concepts.

It kept changing... but, I think, there's nothing wrong with having more than 1 character.

The mane male character I've called other names in the past. But, I think I will be sticking with the name Xingtao.

But, again with the Taoism stuff.... I couldn't be sure of the specific name written down. (Chinese)

I was originally calling him: 星套 ( Xintao/Xingtao) meaning "Star Set" or "Stared Sleeves" or "Jacket of Stars".

But, I think I like this better: 兴涛 (Xingtao) meaning something like Euphoric Waves of the Interesting... or sort of meaning an intense attractiveness mentally but also coming at you...
I don't know how to explain it in English, and My Chinese isn't that great, and I still can't even hand write the word 涛 which is difficult for me. It's a very abstract meaning... and, I'm unfortunately more ignorant than "in the know" on these matters... :(

Chinese often has a way of having a massively large meaning in just a few words... in Western languages we don't always have this, and nowhere near the same thing...

As I was developing the character over the years, I always felt he had 2 sides; an introvert, and an extrovert. I also wrote him as having secrets, and a hidden identity.

Introvert Xingtao Concept

Extrovert Xingtao Concept
But, I think I would also like to create some other characters as well, because I think it makes the story have more of a richness and depth.

I actually find both versions of him to be very exciting.

So, I think I still like the idea of him having different moods and temperaments depending on the situations or social circles... But, I can't decide if I want him to be fair skinned, or having a nice rich deep tan. I suppose he could be both....

兴涛

兴涛

兴涛


I do think I'm definitely doing other characters, because I think young persons, including girls, should be attracted to more than 1 person... it just makes sense, and I think that's more interesting, and better story telling. I don't think I would go more than 4 others, tho'. Perhaps less....

And, since I'm kinda leaning more towards a more European stint on dealing with this aspect, it makes more sense to have more than 1 interesting male, even if there's a mane male character that will eventually head to other things within the story...

I'm also thinking I might start him off with long hair, but then he cuts it... I think that's rather realistic also.  Since young men whom have long hair, tend to eventually cut it.



I also admit, that I find the idea of designing other characters, or even refining the character development of Xingtao as VERY exciting. He's pretty sexy!

Frustrated Dragon

I've been tearing apart my home trying to find the original sketched of the ones I have the ugly inked versions of on my old portfolio model sheet.

I honestly HATE the inked versions. But, due to RULES that were supposedly animation industry standards at the time, we have to ink the work. I HATE HATE HATE my inked work.

Also, the instructors made me alter my inked work several times cutting out a lot of details.

Ironically, I still have a lot of model sheets from big companies back then that were rough, sketchy, or uninked work... and, by today's standards including Japan and even 3D or film effects anmiation they no longer have this idea that everything must be inked drawings.

I believe my instructors meant well... at the time, they believed in this ideas of a term they often used in the old Animation Magazines called either "anible" or "animable" depending on who was talking, and yes I sat through countless lectures and animation festivals... basically, it means "able to animate". The concept was that in order to animate something ( i.e. hand drawing traditional animation) that the artwork needed to be simplified. It makes total sense if you think about it, and gives you less work, so you can animate more. this was one of those Holy Grail ideas that people all echoed over & over... but, if you watched Don Bluth films, various Disney Films, and any number of untold independent shorts in any number of festivals, this rules was OFTEN BROKEN.

Yes, it takes a lot of work, and a lot more time, to do something by hand drawing if it has more details... I KNOW THAT. I UNDERSTAND THAT....

And, I "get it" that a potential employer would look at your portfolio and probably want a person whom can mass produce art that is simple, and not "waste time" on details.... but, at the same time, they ALSO want to see what your IDEAS ARE, HOW YOU THINK, and just HOW DETAILED AND SKILLED YOU CAN BE, or ACTUALLY ARE....

With all of the deadlines shoved onto me, and with so many restrictions, I felt I did rather well in meeting their demands... however, specific instructors whom had a visceral hate for women would just make up reasons to fail me.
When the other students had a portfolio done, it was common for other students to want a copy of it from the photo copier. Even my unfinished portfolios, and "failed" portfolios were SO sought after by my fellow students that they would ask me to copy it, in the classroom, even before the teacher even saw them, which might have pissed him off further.

And, whenever I gave a newer version copy to my favorite teacher, he would also make copies because everyone wanted a new copy of mine. And, in a stack of stapled copies of my 'failed" or "unfinished" portfolios would even get requests from other people, whom I didn't even know as either I was making copies, or that teacher.


However, in my opinion, all of the revisions to especially my BEST WORK actually made it less than good. I don;t like it at all.

I prefer my pencil work SO MUCH MORE.

I came to this realization even harder when I worked at Top Cow in 2005 (unpaid) because there were "pencilers", specifically 1 in particular at the time, whom refused to have his work inked, and drew his line work in such a way as to be ink-like. But, his work also had a nice feel to it. A common question was "Who did his inks? Does he do them himself?" because the work was so different looking... and the editor or producer would always strike up a conversation about how that artist refused inking or inkers and that the line work was entirely in pencil.

It was such a common conversation topic that I changed my mind on inking entirely. I was already working on "line quality"anyway... so, why bother with ink?

I also don't like digital inking tools. I HATE THEM.

Anyway, I don't know where some of my sketchbooks from 1999-2001 are because there's definitely many that are missing, and a number of portfolio folders with my punched "animation papers" in them.

I also lost my sculpture of Djehkäujaa.



1 thing I want to point out is that Djehkäujaa has segmented parts of her skin, such as her neck & tail.


My friend Silver Moon Nightwing (Kristen Buckner) often referred to my dragon as "mammalian" meaning "mammal-like". But, actually, I based a lot of her more on dinosaur anatomy/biology

I designed her to have tight yet very flexible skin, but also rough. The reason it's rough is because in flight it will cause micro turbulences, similar to how a golf ball works in flight, or the skin of a shark in water, that causes them to fly faster, in effect gliding better through the air. 

Her skeletal structure is also cartilage and her wings are firm, yet also have a good amount of flex to them.

If you understand the anatomy of bones and skulls, and you understand how lips work or function you can somewhat accurately determine how large lips would be on an animal. There's holes in the skulls specifically FOR the nerves to reach the lips through the skull. It works like this: the larger the hole for the nerves to pass through the skull, the larger the lips will be.

If you look at the skull of a horse, you can see they have a large hole for the nerves, and they also have big lips. If you look at a moose, which has HUGE lips, it has an even bigger hole in the skull where the nerves come out. Canines and felines also have significant lips to grab onto the meat they need to consume. 

I actually took a large interest in this because I sat through a lecture in the late 1990s describing how an Apatosaurus  actually have giant moose lips based on JUST the size of the hole in the skull for the nerves. I also noticed this on other dinosaur skulls as well, and even took a lot more notice of this on animals that were alive today.



That is why Djehkäujaa has large lips. 


In some ways she has some dog-like and horse-like anatomy.

Regarding her "detailed look" I actually disagree. From my perspective, for ME, I have kept her very sleek and simplified FOR ME. She doesn't have grand scales, or tons of horns, or spikes. Despite the grand size, she's agile & nimble.

Her skin also has special abilities to change color or bend light becoming almost invisible. She has vision like an eagle, and posable thumbs. She can read, write, talk, sing, hum, and do many things a human could.

So, when it comes to animating her... I've seen it done many times... there's this THING called ROUGH ANIMATION, and KEY FRAMES.... maybe you've heard of it....

Then, later on, you can do something called CLEAN UP and REFINING...

In fact, most rough animations and keyframes, often get redone ANYWAY....

JUST SAYING....

I do NOT have a problem with trying to animate my own character. FFS have you EVER seen Glen Keane's BEAST character in a film called Beauty & The Beast? He didn't draw it all in 1 day... and other animators also worked on it WITH HIM.

So, calm the hell down.... it's GONNA BE OK...


I know people think they're somehow well-meaning, or that their somehow helping me, or giving me good advice...

I also don't talk about everything regarding her... because it's very extensive, and INSIDE OF MY HEAD... so, you just don't KNOW, and don't SEE all the work and effort, and consideration in it...

Or, there's the people whom think I'm an arrogant uppity person.... just based on something I wrote, and DON'T EVEN KNOW ME.

I already KNOW I'm not the best at everything... and that's not the point.

There is no such thing as a "best artist" only ur own PERSONAL BEST.

I might not be that great today, and certainly not MY BEST today... but, tomorrow is another day...

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Old Vintage Sketches of Lively 004

Lively Rough Work Uniform Concept Sketches

I was a very creative kid, and day dreamed often as a little child... but, I was much better at managing it, or multitasking while dreaming as a teenager....

I've worked several jobs in my lifetime, and have even been multiple times over entrepreneur since at least 1999 before I even knew what that word even meant.

But, when I started developing the dragon story concepts in college in 1999 I was already dreaming up things to do with Lively in the story... I actually have different stories which are not related, and in 2 of the stories I depict Lively as having a job. The job is very much based on a job I had in the 1990s in New Jersey working a the AMC Marlton 8. I was originally a concessionist, but I was also an usher. I refused to work the box office tho' due to health concerns. 

Honestly, even tho' the work was often times hard, and could be demanding, and the pay was awful, I actually liked that job a lot. Not every day was perfect, but I felt so lucky and grateful to have that job. I stopped watching the X-FILES because of that job because I felt it was the responsible thing to do, and I also had college classes on the weekend in the mornings in Philly on Scholarship, plus had to graduate from high school... add onto that the Titanic! Yeesh! 

I didn't have a lot of confidence for most things, altho' I think its normal to bluff about it when ur insecure.  But, I actually pushed my way into keep getting the gig as the usher. I felt it was the position I actually wanted, and I hated doing concession even tho' I had the best sales record. The trick to up-sales was JUST FOLLOW THE RULES. DUH. But, being usher meant u had some of the most disgusting jobs, like cleaning up vomit, restrooms, bubble gum, and also dealing with hostile patrons. 

Ushers seemed to be the "cool people" I guess, but so were the box office people whom often begged me to work with them since they were also often ushers, and with me.... also, the ushers were all young men, and really attractive, and funny. We were also very buddy-buddy with the security guards, and the Projectionists. Some projectionists worked either usher or box office, and when times were overwhelming, ushers had to take up slack for concession. 

I must also admit to some egoism here... because, when I first started out there, I was like NOBODY even tho' I already knew  some ushers, personally, especially since one was technically my ex... but, not that I was trying to.... but I did flirt with some ushers... however, they started it. You weren't really supposed to flirt with your co-workers... but, even subtle ways you could... I took a liking to 1, then others took a liking to me, probably because I took a liking to 1... then, one in particular really took a liking to me, probably to strongly, and too abruptly, and because of that, or him, I became included into everything, which also put A LOT of responsibilities on my shoulders. 

Let's face it, the guy was an alpha male, at least within that circle anyway, and it was due to him that I began doing usher jobs... and, as to that part about the egoism... well..... underneath the supervisors and the managers, ushers kinda ruled... We carried a porter & broom, or a big friggin' flash light, or had access to industrial leaf blowers (Titanic crowd was the worst trash making bunch) . And, if anybody made trouble, we sauntered on over to them and gave them "the voice" or "the tone": "Excuse me, is there a problem here?" 

Usually, that stopped everything... but, by holiday times you'd get people drunk or high, and stuff could turn into brawls, or nearly into Mortal Kombat, then security came, or cops got called.... Luckily that never happened... but, in a way, I guess I was somewhat on a power trip....  but, I wasn't abusive about it, at all, ever. 

We also got to watch free movies.  There were rules about it, but rules could be bent or broken on a whim... especially if the projectionist has a crush on you and begs you to "come help me with this". 

It's probably the only job I actually liked, or enjoyed, even tho' I often had soreness in my feet. 

The people would actually hang out, off the clock, and socialize, and it was very close and friendly. But, it was also a different world, and different era...  So, I do, still, have a fondness for that part of my life even if things don't turn out so well in the end.... 

It is so very strange that some memories are so vague and I can't remember anything for parts of my life that one would think would be memorable... and, yet, I have SO many memories of that job, in such clarity and details, like it was yesterday. How very strange indeed!

 The story I wrote "Lively's Mini Unicorn" is actually a cartoonish version of how I wrote/conceived of the story in the dragon project story...

So, anyways, Lively's working uniform is somewhat loosely based on the one I used to wear.













Actually, a friend of mine, from that old job actually did the voice to a character that Djehkäujaa was in from college.


His name was Bob. Actually it was Babak because he was originally from Iran, and "Bob" was the NJ nickname. I actually never knew he was Iranian for almost a year because he seemed like a really funny white NJ kid. I also didn't know I was older than him either until he showed me his green card. Such a funny guy! he used to tease me with the funniest jokes, and I would crack up with laughter!

Back then, in NJ, everything was VERY DIVERSE and a whole blend of all kinds of peoples.

I wrote the character based on him, because of a character design class at AIPH. My teacher, Sam, encouraged us to make characters based on real persons we knew. Bob liked Spider Man, American comics, and a lot of things I also liked, and he was just SO FRIGGIN' FUNNY that I had to make the character of him the way he is in the cartoon.

Unfortunately, some idiots on DeviantART thought I made a Skinhead character! WTF??? And, if got flagged and removed! Jerks!

I have since then, thought of making the character a black dude. That might actually make him cooler. I dunno....

 I don't know what the heck happened to Bob, because we were always so cool as friends. He was even my first ever Facebook friend. He was always trying to be an entrepreneur since I knew the guy. But, out of the blue, he changed his name on FB to some nonsense random letters name, then deleted his account. I ran into him several times in NJ, and even got high w/him n some mutual friends via a relative of mine.

It was strange when he just up & disappeared off the face of the planet, because he even came up to Boston for a job interview and we were gonna hang out, but he got so high and wasted that he didn't show up... that was so unusual for him.... and, the last few times we talked on the phone, he was high as a kite, or drunk out of his mind...

I had a number of relationships from NJ around that time that also just seemed to bust like balloon... I've never understood why... I guess NJ people just did too much recreational drugs....

I often felt completely bewildered and confused, and didn't know how, nor why, it would just bottom out... and, there was nothing I could do about it.

If you've ever experienced the "Why me?" aspect of life, it often went that way... Honestly, I feel distrustful of NJ people now... :( It really hurts.





Old Romance Rough Sketches

Old Romance Rough Sketches

Found some old rough sketches. Just some rough, unfinished, or rough doodles. Not that great, actually... but, I figured I'd scan them for the heck of it...

It's all very rough, unrefined.

Anyways, I have rethought this stuff several times over... and I already have something reforming in my mind...

I don't have a set look for a love interest for Lively... I've redesigned it many times over, over the years. I think I should do more than one. And, I feel this aspect, for me, kinda has an almost European feel or vibe to it... meaning, the way European culture would portray the moods or presentations of the subject matter...

I think I prefer a more European presentation because of the subtleties and nuances.... like old comics from France, Belgium, or old German teen magazines... Not to dis Asian comics or novels, or American Comics etc.... I just don't care for their way of conveying moods or imagery... I feel that some Japanese or Chinese stuff is either too raunchy or to sappy or too emo or tragic... and never had a satisfactory ending...

American stuff usually leaves a lot of meaningful parts out, has way to much censorship, or cuts to the chase too fast, or drags things out too comically...

But, European styles of addressing emotions, intimacy, and even sexuality is much more beautiful, tasteful, and uncensored but not disgusting, or crude.
















Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Musical Moods For A Dragon

There's quite a good chunk of music from the mid-late 1990s that I feel very much fits the moods I'm going for... however, I want the music to be new and original, yet within those old styles...

The majority is electronic, but I also like some Tribal Fusion....


There is an album by Scooter called "Wicked" which really inspires a lot of the stuff for me... (among a number of other marvelous albums from that time period)  but, I don't want my project/product to be a Scooter project. I want it to be Kandice's project.

Scooter is also 3 men, and yet my project is feminine.

I also like the music by Yoko Kanno in Macross Plus, which is unlike the music in any other Macross projects/films/series.








Yoko Kanno is very diverse in her music styles that I am often supersized to find a song I like only to find out later that it was by her. Her music is so diverse and eclectic.


I like a LOT of German stuff. This is one of those bands/groups that was really innovative at the time, and at 1 point did a whole album in classical music.













I do also like Blümchen (Jasmin Wagner) whom was my ultimate favorite in the 90s! But, I feel much of her music is more of a mood for Lively than for Djehkäujaa:
















There's also a 90s album by Sarah Brightman that is quite lovely, and I also like the moods in it as well.


I also like the newer take on stuff, like Tribal Fusion. I really like Stellamara, and their Devotional Musical styles as well as their remixes, altho' they aren't 90s.





I am quite enamored with this lovely device: Roland Bassline 303 vintage (no longer in production). When it first released it was about $400 and now if you can get one, even a broken one, it costs THOUSANDS! Nothing else quite has THAT SOUND.






And...... I always wanted one of these KORG KAOSS Pads!



Old Vintage Rough Sketches n Doodles of Djehkäujaa 002

Here are some very old vintage 1999 sketches I did when I was at AIPH in Philadelphia.

I feel like Djehkäujaa is probably my most proudest character I've ever created. She's dynamic in many ways, physically, mentally, emotionally, metaphorically, and figuratively... So, if my project ever becomes anything, like a film or video series of shorts, I want it to be worthy and befitting of her.

Some of this stuff I actually don't like anymore...  or, it's not very good... oh well...














The Owl Motif

Unfortunately, the majority of my old concept work with owl motifs are pretty much lost forever... I often liked to work with symbolism, and motifs, when I was younger, and since I first started developing this story & characters, I kept incorporating owls... In the King James version of the Bible (which I did read in various parts as a kid) there's a verse that goes:

King James Job 39:29 

"I am brother to dragons and companion to owls."

There are, however, so many other translations of this verse now, that I've seen it written all different ways... and not even as "dragons" or even "owls"...
As it turns out, the Bible doesn't actually say whatever you previously thought it did... there's much better translations out there now, and different original manuscripts also...

So, I feminized it and changed it to:

I am sister to dragons and familiar to owls....
or various other versions I scribbled out in other lost sketchbooks...

So, here's the only thing I could find, so far, of anything with the owl motifs:


At the end of the year (2015) in December I started to notice OWLS, but by New Year it was EVERY DAY... It was kinda freaking me out, actually.... But, literally, at least 1 random owl will show up throughout the day, online, on TV, radio commercials....  it's generally way more than that. Usually about 3 per day...

Back in January it kept happening so frequently than even my family began noticing owls also.

I kept wondering why... I'm not really New Age anymore.... but, I kept recalling that in my old Dragon film project (this one) that I often incorporated owls into everything with the dragon character... Now, here I am, scanning my dragon drawings....















Through the helped of a very wonderful friend of mine, I managed to get the new Free Open Source version of OpenToonz by Studio Gibli. I'm very grateful also.

I manged to get the thing to work...

I think perhaps after I am done scanning my stuff, eventually, I might play around with it...

I know which scenes I would like to experiment with.... but, I don'[t know how to create and arrange music to be exactly what I want....