Acrylic Painting Practice 001

It'd definitely not my best painting work. But, I'm so entirely out of practice. My spouse also threw away decades worth of paint brushes, vintage irreplaceable brushes, and vintage paints/pigments.

I'm also not a fan of painting on rough canvas, I like smoother ones, or illustration board... but, for landscape paintings I think either canvas paper, or canvas pages are good.


Here's the first try:

But, I really hated it. I went through hours upon hours for days worth of researching references.

I also was frustrated with my crappy quality brushes, paints/pigments, and my spouse's annoying compulsive need to feel in control over everything just killed and/or "interrupted my creative flow".

I wish art worked like a clock... but, it doesn't... not ur real art (the stuff ur not employed to do which had a different motive in being created).

When it comes to PAINTING I like to have a nice set up, that's all set up, free, and open, secure, and stable to flow... if that makes sense to you, GOOD. If not, don't know what else to tell you...

The act of setting up, and putting away, is cumbersome, annoying, meticulous, and drains me... so, I'll either get obsessed with every friggin detail of that, or get FED UP with all of that, that I become reckless, irritable, irritated, and drained from doing that, that it bothers my process.

As an artist, my spouse is the exact polar opposite, and I HATE IT.

So, I finally went back to try fixing up and repainting it after checking who knows how many styles of painting techniques FOR JUST CLOUDS, 2 days later...

The constant pestering me to PAINT PAINT PAINT "ARE YOU GONNA PINT?" or "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA PAINT?" was just so unbearably irritating and pressurizing, plus the fact that I ALSO STILL HAVE A LUNG INFECTION, and I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE GYM which I paid out big dollars to get a membership to, have massive panic over getting diabetes since I'm getting older, and him PESTERING THE SHIT out of my to GO TO THE GYM that I don't understand WHY HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND! Also, in his mind, he thinks he's being helpful, supportive, etc...

When i first GOT my gym membership I was SO HAPPY! I was pestering HIM to drive me EVERY DAY, then I GOT SOME VIRUS, and just when I was recovering from it, I got sick again even worse 3 days later!

I'm so FED UP with poverty. It's like poverty is a disease its self!

AND, since OI was sick, I couldn't apply for jobs, because I had no voice, and had puss coming out of me, and coughing. HOW long do u need to be married to a person to finally "get it" that I HEAL SLOW when it comes to respiratory illnesses???? Plus, add onto that the INSANE weather, the blizzards, and the perpetual cold, arctic winds, and deep freezes we just had! I can;t even go outside! The windchill is too cold! I'm an asthmatic. But, he will reak the fuck out when the kid has a toy that MIGHT agitate her asthma, or get up early in the morning to warm up the car, so she might not get an asthma problem... WTF?

Anyways, I went back 2 days later, and reworked it... this time I just fell back on some color theory... I couldn;t really get the painting to look like I wanted in my mind, but when I tried working with the colors based on the limited palet I have, and went with the color theory, it looked/felt a bit batter.

Since he was being such a snit over my paints being set up at the table, and I'm guessing it offended his ego's extended sense of control perceptions of his reality... I dunno... I just don't friggin' feel like fighting... because if I start fighting, I'm bringing the house down... and it's not worth it.

Also, my university application had some hick-ups which he also wants to be micro manager of, like I'm some helpless idiot child...

So, I moved it to the corner of the room where my daughter's computer used to be.

But, it's such an awkward spot, that I can't feel myself always wanting to go there...

I started another painting... then let it dry... But, I kinda "lost my vision" and lost my mojo...

Strangely, I actually felt the urge to work on it tonight... but, he kept saying he wanted to work in that corner tonight... 4-5 hours have already passed as I write this and he still hasn't...

I wanted to practice some clouds, or try some different ideas... but, I can't see them anymore...

I was wanting to do some scenes from my old concept storyboards.

But, my story concepts are kind of evolving... the fantasy aspect of it, is actually going a bit further now in my mind...

And, I think I want perhaps a Binary solar system, and extra satellites (moons) in the skies.

I keep seeing it in my mind that way.... and, it looks prettier each time I see it.

I need/want more "weird" and kind of strange, but beautiful.... 



Here's some weird inspirational references:

I went through a lot of stuff on DeviantART and put some stuff in 1 of my folder in my Favorites.

I also have a lot of stuff I found, and put into my FAVORITES on Flickr, including clouds, aerial, wide angle, dawn and dusk.

I pretty much know the gist of what I want, and sometimes its very clear, and other times its vague. Trying to get it just right, or getting it more well planned and thought out is a process I'm still trying to work out. I also don't have the music I want.

 Some weird old 90s stuff from my teenage-hood:

I like this... its kinda old and dated, but I still like it. But, I don't want my story/film to look like this. I have my own ideas. Not interested in a beach scene. Nope. But, it has that "weird" and beautiful aspect I like.

Also, even tho' I utterly LOVE this song, it's not the music style I want for this scene either.

This is closer to what style I want, but I want to create a new original musical piece (BTW also 90s):

I've been trying to find an old vintage cable TV commercial for the Sci-Fi Channel from the '90s with the geese and the weird planets in the sky... But, I can never, ever find it. :(

Stirring Dragon [Poem] by BlackUniGryphon

Stirring Dragon

By Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman   "Black UniGryphon" TM

©2016 All Rights Reserved

Hear the sound of my soul,
See the color of my heart,
Feel the light within,
Know the truth without,
Be the motion and lift up.
Ascend the stairs.... 

If there is a dream in my heart,
Make it so......


Sleeping dragon,
Cozy in the dark,
A sleeping dragon,
Slumbers inside my heart. 

The tail does twitch,
And, head does wake,
With wings unfurling a flight to take! 

You can also find this poem published to DeviantART in my gallery HERE.


NOTES:

Earlier this week, I was on this creative HIGH, euphoria... and a lot of stuff was just happening. I actually jotted this one down as it came to me, and forced myself to go to bed. there could've been more, but it was almost 4AM. I also totally FORGOT I wrote it... like amnesia... really weird! I had trouble getting to sleep many times this week, because I kept having music, or poetry happening in my mind.

Then, by mid day on Wednesday it just stopped. And, I was incredibly moody. It was not pleasant either, nor could I explain it.

When I went back to check my notebook, it was like reading the poem for the first time, but after I read it 3 times, I remembered everything. Really strange!

I've never experienced anything like this.

Character Development: Ao Xingtao 敖兴涛

My mind is all over the place, and it's as though it has tides and streams...

I was searching today for a lot of references, for aerial drone video cinematography footage, and photography. There's so much to pick through on just Youtube alone, and Flickr.

But, ever since I'd decided to create multiple male characters that would be of interest to Lively, I actually felt so much better. It was like a major weight off my chest! You have NO IDEA.

I felt I couldn't ever deiced or get it right...

I always felt some kind of terrible guilt or shame over it that I cannot even explain.

But, once I did that, I felt I noticed Xingtao develop more.





I also think I've decided on a surname for him: 敖 "Ao".

There's a reason for it. I know its a bit of major rule breaking, but I'm gonna break 'em anyway.

If you've ever read ancient Chinese books, novels, etc. the old stuff is rather weird, but it has all sorts of meaningful things that often tend to have been thought out incredibly in depth. The thought process doesn't translate well at all to Western languages nor ways of thinking...

But, if you've ever heard of Feng Shen Ban or Feng Shen Yan Yi it's pretty much a list of every and any "god", deity, magical being, or whatever from ancient times. It's also written in an ancient way which may seem silly or ridiculous to a modern person... That text is even older than the Hebrew Bible.

Anyway, in the text it talks about the Dragon king gods, and their surname is always: 敖

These are The Dragon Kings of the 4 Seas:
敖廣 Ao Guang
敖欽 Ao Qin
敖閏 Ao Run (Western Sea)
敖順 Ao Shun

and there's other ones also...

I believe in the Xi You Ji (The Journey To The West) the White Dragon prince (also a Horse and eventually a Buddha) is related to Ao Run, but I don't actually recall him being named at all... except for his Buddhist name which was 白龍馬 "Bai Long Ma" (White Dragon Horse). At the end of the story, the Bai Long Ma gets to India to The Western Heaven to see the Tathāgata and becomes a Buddha dragon 八部天龍廣力普薩 or 八部天龍馬, and changed from white to (in my translation) white and gold in a special pool for washing dragons. Anyways, he got some fancy titles... it's normal in ancient Chinese stories and ancient cultures that special individuals got more than 1 title. My translated version had him with a title different than the ones online in English. 

Ironically, the Dragon became the white horse as a kind of punishment, or penance , but his crime in our eyes would seem silly. He broke something, and was sentenced to death for it. Kinda extreme, right? But, of all the other characters in the story of the Xi You Ji it was Bai Long Ma that was the BEST and MOST behaved and MOST loyal to his shifu, Tang Sansang AKA The Golden Cicada. 

Anyways, I decided that since I have a Dragon theme going on, it only made sense to pick an appropriate Dragon's surname:  敖

It sort of adds to the mystique of the character... because it's lost in meaning unless you were well read and cultured...

Also, I am having my setting of my story as an alternate version of our world. I also plan on having extra moons or visible planets in the sky.... 

I want to show, or portray, a vision of a world culture heading in a new and positive direction, environmentally, and show it panning out, only to have my villain/antagonist character to be the destructive antithesis of that vision... I'm NOT sure if I could include "space elevators" like Arthur C. Clark wrote, because that's his work... and not mine... but, I could portray the world as it was intended to head towards starting back in the late 1990s of which I was a part of... SO, I hope to incorporate permaculture, and really GIVE people a positive vision of the future, because lets face it, THERE IS NO STAR TREK on TV anymore... just the old dated reruns... (I so love them tho'.) 

I have so many ideas that I couldn't even begin to start.... 

So, his name will be: 敖兴涛 Ao Xingtao 

Also the word 敖 can sort of mean to "flirt". 

There are also variations of the word 敖 "Ao" also still called "ao" that can have all kinds of meanings like to saunter, to stroll around, to flow around, fly around, to travel the world... I guess it depends on how you use it...

Some variations can also mean pride, arrogance, snobby, or haughty... which I think adds very nicely to the complexity of the character, and his personality.....

I also think I will change his hair a few times...

I also want to create some other male characters that will be of interest to Lively... I have a few vague ideas, but they won't be quite as in depth or dynamic as Xingtao. Xingtao's major vice is mystique... only, he doesn't know that it is... he's mostly oblivious to it, unless his mood changes... He's like 2 mane personalities that he lives out; 1 is an introvert, and the other is an extrovert... and, neither are quite exactly who he actually is... and even he doesn't know.... he seems to know what he's doing, but is lost, but when he seems lost, he actually knows what he's doing...

He can be very calculated and well thought out, or suddenly impulsive. he wants order and balance in his life, structure, order... but, when things are too strict, he hates it, and he will break away from it, and even self sabotage. He wants order because he's been too foolish many times, and screwed several things up, but he also wants freedom... so he settles into 2 mane modes of being, the introvert and the extrovert.

He wants to have, or find, or cultivate JUST the right balance where things won't go to hell, and but he can be free, fun, expressive, but he also wants the status that comes with responsibilities, he wants wisdom, maturity. In some ways he's incredibly bold, and in others he's incredibly timid, quiet, strict.

To those whom he works with he has the persona of being happy-go-lucky, friendly, fun, and even verges into cocky, and a show-off... But, he also can compulsively thrust himself into his work, tasks, etc. and often way too much.

But, in his personal life away from that, he's strict, quiet, stoic, and even statuesque, or appears cold, stern, or boring. He hides away in his home with music, movies, creative things he never really shows to anyone, stacks of poetry notebooks, photo albums, electronic components, tinkering projects, and inventions, or spends time hiding away from people in nature, the trees, yard work, or spending time with animals, or doing his creative endeavors alone while sight seeing all over the place... like landscape painting, calligraphy, photography, videography, or improv' playing an instrument.

He has a love of beauty, beautiful things, and beautiful women. He also see beauty where others cannot.

As the story goes on, I will have him more interested in meditative things, but not so much in the beginning... In the beginning he will be a lot more expressive, and robust. But, as it goes on, he will become more cultivated... almost like a Vulcan in Star Trek... only not...

He will also not always be in the story... he sort of goes to different places for various reasons.... and, he's always wanting to learn something, know something, or find out something... but, he doesn't want everyone to know everything about himself... so much so, there are things about himself even he doesn't know... Like he's trying to figure out who he really is. There's also a reason for this aspect.

Well... it's all in his name right there: 敖兴涛

Anyways, altho' my Chinese isn't the greatest at all.... and after deliberating over choosing his name, I consulted a picky person about it... and we always have long conversations... I actually didn't really want to tell this person the name of my character, nor that I was creating one... because he might want to butt-in, and throw off my groove! ARG! But, since I kept asking him for feedback, he got nosy, and found out what I was doing... 

That was a LOOOONG conversation.... 

But, after constantly learning and asking, and contemplating, and discussing, he walked passed me much later on and said: I like that name you picked. That was very good. 

I was deathly afraid I was possibly breaking some rules, which I might be, but he actually sounded IMPRESSED. WHAT??? 

Great! None of those long lectures of: Don't do this! And DON'T DO THAT... and being totally nonplussed as to why, and culture differences that don't translate... so frustrating. .... but, luckily it went WELL! ^_^

Credit Notes: 

Chinese calligraphy program used to generate these Chinese ming-zi 名字 (names) is programed and created free of charge at: ChineseTools.edu specifically found HERE.

I LOVE this site so much! I've been using it since the GW Bush era and it's just getting better & better! THANK YOU Chinese tools!

They also NOW do other language scripts such as Korean, Japanese, Arabic, Tibetan, and Thai! Many many others also!

Dragon Story Project: Working Title

I've agonized over a title, or at least a working title for my dragon film/story project since FOREVER....

And, for about a month now, I've been obsessing and agonizing over what to title the thing!

I was never satisfied.... or, I was.... but I changed my mind...

I was aggravated and frustrated with myself!

I just couldn't commit to it!

I would sit at my desk, or the sofa, with my notebook and writing, then rewriting the title, moving words around... It was SUCH A PUZZLE!

I could feel inside what I wanted to express or convey... but, putting it into words just right was a major frustration!

Too long!

Too short!

Too common!

Not original enough!

Doesn't coonvey what I feel quite right!

Doesn't sound right!

Doesn't have the right ring to it...

Sounds too much like a weird Japanese anime title....

It was absolutely a BRAIN PICKER!


So, I had it narrowed down a few times, before I would rethink it, and cycle back doing that....

And, I have a lot of intense trepidation about saying what I have decided on (SO FAR)... that, I've been stewing over it for over a week now...

I figure, it will most likely seem, or sound VERY STRANGE to probably EVERYONE

And, I suppose that ought to be expected...

It's VERY ME....

It's my work, and my project...

So, I figure it ought to be very unusual to pretty much everyone....

I just hope my artist peers & friends don't hate it... because that would really hurt...

I've been very EMO over it also.... :-/

Trepidation doesn't even begin to express what it feels like.....

Please don't hate me.

Each word is specifically, and carefully chosen, and have multiple meanings as well. I feel that much of my best work from my past often had better titles when I made more figurative or metaphorical tittles, especially my "Eyewitness" since the title can be broad or vague in a way...

The title its self is almost like a poem in a way....

And, even tho' it may sound strange at first, the story explains it later but only if one would contemplate it... so, it's typical of my artists & philosopher sides...

But, I guess, no matter what anyone does, there will be people that just don't like something... and that's to be expected... or they just don;t like it, because they just don't like me.... but, oh well...

Different people like different things... and that's totally fine.

There are a few things I'm very terrible at, and that includes designing architecture, buildings, and machinery... I eventually would need some help with an air ship design, and some building designs, because I am not good at doing any of those things... and some kind of vehicles, like cars...
I'm just not good at any of those things, and I'm rather terrible at 3D animation stuff. I'm pathetically awful at it!

But, I guess that's OK.... because you can't be perfect at everything.... and that's OK....

I guess somehow I'll figure something out one day...

 Just, please don't be rude or nasty to me about it if you don't understand....

It's very true that people often fear what they do not understand... and people lash out at things they are afraid of....

I can very easily stand up to any argument when it comes to philosophy, politics, debating, and things of that nature that are logic or rhetorical based...

But, art is not necessarily logic...

So, if you are NOT an artist, or you are a comfortably well employed mainstream artist and you hate it, I would just kindly ask you to keep it to yourself, and don't bother me with your hate, or arrogance, or prejudices. I am not you, and I will never be you.

I'm just me. And, this means something to me.

I don't actually want my goal, nor my motives, to be money, because I feel it dirties and tarnishes it. I'm not opposed to money at all, and I'm many times over a capitalist and entrepreneur, I own property, and I'm also not against taking and making money at all.

But, I am against people giving me money to change what is MINE, to take away what is MINE, or to tell me what I should or shouldn't do merely because they gave me dollars.

It may sounds hokey or cliche, but I want my motive for creating my story/film/project to be LOVE.

And, if you DON'T like that, that's not my problem, but yours.

The love of my inner self, the love of expression, the love of freedom, the love of art, the love of telling a story, the art of creation and creating something. the love of DOING something, and MAKING something.

I just DON'T LOVE money.

I don't feel that way, and I cannot make my heart feel something it doesn't and won't.

I, of course, would spend my money on it if I have it... but, if I don't have the much money, I just don't care. I don;t want to be famous, and I don't want to be "a star", and I don't want to be what other people want me to be. That is THEIR dreams, and not mine.

I do NOT have a dream of conformity nor mediocrity. If that's what you believe that I OUGHT to do, just know THAT IS YOUR DREAM, or YOUR DREAM FOR ME, and it is NOT MINE.  But, it is a dream nonetheless. And, an empty one....

My dreams are full.... and my cup runneth over....

It doesn't matter to me whether you understand, or don't understand....

No one understood van Gogh until after he died... sometimes, it just sucks like that, but oh well... Now, THE most expensive works of painted art in existence.

 But, I'm also NOT van Gogh, I'm Kandice. And, that is OK...

I realize that I've published a lot of rough sketches, and old work here... and maybe that seems odd or strange.... but, I felt in necessary to show that I'm imperfect, and that people grow, and learn...

And, sometimes you gotta just start all over... somewhat... or at least partially...

I don;t know what to totally expect... and I'm not sure, totally, what the heck I'm doing... but, it seems to be figuring its self out, I guess...

 So, I guess you we probably want to know what to title was, that I have made so far...if you've read this far....

So, I guess I ought to reveal it by now.....

Well, the title I've come up with.... that I'm sticking to now is:


"Zenith Beyond Eclipsing The Dragon's Rue"
©2016 Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman  "Black UniGryphon" TM   All Rights Reserved.

忍 It was so much work, that you will never know, nor ever have seen, just to get to this specific title. Pages upon pages on ideas and rewrites and rearrangements... 

I'm still looking for some of my old artwork...  I don't know whether I will ever find it...

I'm not sure what I will do next...  But, it just seems to be flowing on its own sometimes...